• Hey! We're on Twitter!

  • Buy The Book!

  •  

     

    Click to Buy The Mug

    Buy The Book

It’s Saturday, and time for another attempt at a Q&A with our readers who arrive here via Google.  What’s the Internet a’buzz about this week?  Well, according to our search engine logs, it’s junk, junk, Christmas songs with impaired liver function, and more junk.  Class is now in session.  Please try to keep your mind off the babes…

1.  9 foot blue rusty gun: According to the bonus materials on the Avatar Blu-ray, this is a common euphemism for erectile dysfunction on Pandora.

2.  Which president said I cannot tell a lie in regards to cutting downa cherry tree: Apparently we’re hosting a field trip for students from Beck University today.  Where’s my spanking paddle and tricorner hat…?

3.  300 “porn version”: (WHISPERING)  The Password is… “redundant.”

4.  Robinhood is a douche: This is an updated 15th Century ballad which is frequently and lustily sung at Tea Party rallies.

5.  do men’s scrotum sag: If depends if it’s just received a telegram with bad news.

6.  on the christmas shoes heart with hepatitis b: I just don’t understand Country music.

7.  Man with a bag sagged scrotum: The last, cryptic words, etched in blood by Dr. Seuss.

8.  can a histrionic mother make her son impotent?: Apparently Governor Palin has been getting some bitter emails from Track.

9.  lady pee on the highest roller coaster in the world: While I can’t prove it, I suspect this is the same lady from the October 24, 2009 edition of the Top Ten, (nude lady sitting on elephant tAKING A CRAP), who has since “upped the stakes,” as they say in the screenwriting game, because kicks just keep getting harder to find.

10. i caught my son masterbating in my wetsuit: I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but it warms my heart to know that James Dobson still feels like he can come to us with his problems.

Open Source Snark Section.  You know what to do:

11.  are hermaphrodite allowed to have anal sex in islam?

12.  greta van susteren bikini

13.  square pegs dubbed khmer

14.  death by hip waders

15.  candiru porn (I blame this one on D.Sidhe.)

19 Responses to “Top Ten Google Searches: The Hunks With Junk Edition”

“I caught my son masterbating in my wetsuit” sounds like the first line of a wonderful song.

death by hip waders
candiru porn

These two are alternate titles for the 1989 eco-horror exploitation flick Bloody Mess River. Oddly, this film involves neither hip waders nor candiru, but is about a killer strain of pond scum created by toxic runoff from an Asian fusion restaurant. The movie is best known for a notorious scene in which a seven-minute anti-Japanese tirade is interrupted when the character’s face is ripped off, allegedly a decision made in post-production after the lead writer was sacked.

The hits are likely due to rumors that an upcoming horror movie called River of Gore is a remake of Bloody Mess River. This is false – the actual inspiration is The Murder Lake Slayings, an obscure 1987 film composed almost entirely of stock footage from John Carradine movies. Allegedly, the remake will feature a CGI version of Carradine, but I remain skeptical.

12. greta van susteren bikini

See also Susteren/Palin slash fanfic; contents Roger Cressey’s suicide note; and Geraldo Rivera posing pouch.

Poor 9 has such a specific fetish. He’s going to be so disappointed when he finds a picture of a lady peeing on a roller coaster and he finds out it’s only on the tallest steel roller coaster drop in the Western hemisphere and not the tallest one overall.

Plus the lady’s ugly.

Hysterical Woman, on a rollercoaster pulling plus or minus a couple of G’s with sixty miles an hour of wind buffeting the riders, EVERYONE has a face like a box of frogs.

No, the squid porn is mine.

(You guys are lucky I don’t say even a third of the crazy shit that’s in my head, honestly.)

Death by hip waders is a misnomer; the waders were only poseurs and were, tragically, square.

greta van susteren bikini — yes, that’s genuine a Fox fur bikini on EBay.

greta van susteren bikini — now even your tits can look mean!

greta van susteren bikini: Trying to clear up confusing Papal remarks on the use of condoms, Vatican spokesmen hastily submitted a list of catholic-approved birth control devices.

11. are hermaphrodite allowed to have anal sex in islam?

I think this seeker is asking an awful lot of a religion in which, as I understand it, non-hermaphrodite are barely permitted to possess an anus in the first place.

Hermaphrodite should consider Astarte-ism (in its more modern guise) as a possible alternative; there, I believe, anuses are welcome.

“are hermaphrodite allowed to have anal sex in islam?”

Where the heck is islam?

“Hysterical Woman, on a rollercoaster pulling plus or minus a couple of G’s with sixty miles an hour of wind buffeting the riders, EVERYONE has a face like a box of frogs.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“No, the squid porn is mine.

(You guys are lucky I don’t say even a third of the crazy shit that’s in my head, honestly.)”

~~~~~~~~~~~
“greta van susteren bikini — now even your tits can look mean!”

SOOOOOOOOOO glad that I came here tonight!

BTW, didn’t we have a conversation a coupla weeks ago about how Iranian gay men are kinda on-the-DL “encouraged” to have sexual-reassignment surgery, so that their intercourse with teh menz is “non-execution”-worthy? Bigggg new industry in Tehran, according to teh newz peeples. Of course, no such options are allowed, let alone ENCOURAGED for women, ’cause teh wimmenfolks are only there FOR THE EXECUTING, thanks to the Saudi warping of the religion.

13. square pegs dubbed khmer

Must be looking for that episode where Jami Gertz was tortured for insufficient loyalty to Democratic Kampuchea.

Scott gets bonus points for the Paul Revere and the Raiders reference.

“Which president said I cannot tell a lie in regards to cutting downa cherry tree”

None of them.

11. are hermaphrodite allowed to have anal sex in islam?

Only with themselves.

OK…too obvious…

12. greta van susteren bikini

The centerfold in this month’s issue of Playboy For The Blind

13. square pegs dubbed khmer

A wacky offbeat new TV program from the folks who brought you the Dana Carvey/Allison Hannigan laugh-a-minute riot, “Shock and Awe”

14. death by hip waders

The new lipstick shade from the Sarah Palin for K-Mart line

15. candiru porn

Urine trouble now!

greta van susteren bikini

That there explains the reason behind why yer scrotal sack is sagging, friend

Something to say?