Media Matters had this on the 18th, but I only just caught up with it today: Rush Limbaugh heard that Barack Obama also likes to suck on hot sizzling cylinders, and apparently couldn’t help himself from fantasizing aloud about the freshman Senator’s Pants O’ Fire!
If Obama is seen smoking in public, and it is said because no one wants to criticize him because, he’s above criticism, because he’s a godlike figure to the godless. Now, you don’t criticize gods or godlike figures. What if the whole anti-smoking bunch has to come out, ’cause they’re a bunch of libs too, has to find a way to justify Obama’s coolness? Because he’s got fire. If he’s got fire in his hands, what has he got in his pants?
Some people accused Rush of flogging that old wives’ tale about the plus-sized loinsabres wielded by African American males, but I think there is some room for reasonable doubt. After all, Mr. Obama is a “Halfrican,” so logicially, his dusky crotch crane could only be 50% larger than a white senator’s — hardly worthy of comment. On the other hand, when Minority Leader John Boehner was recently outed as a , Rush didn’t feel the need to speculate on the size of the Ohio Republican’s over-the-sac-bracket, even though his name is a homonym for “Boner.”
Still, there is no reason to assume that Rush sees anything remotely phallic about smoking.
In fact, I’m sure most of us heard about Senator’s Obama’s cigarette habit and immediately thought about his groin instead of his lungs. Or perhaps this photo of the Illinois lawmaker…
…aroused uncomfortable memories for Rush. Memories of a trip that he and a bottle of Viagra took to the Dominican Republic, (“On an idyllic beach where necklaces of white sand and coconut trees ring a half-moon bay, tourists can find prostitutes ranging from young women to even younger boys.”), where he saw acres of similarly taut, tawny, and sun-kissed manflesh splashing in the warm, pellucid waters of the Caribbean…
Still, we should be careful not to take Rush’s comments out of context, but rather evaluate his views of minorities as part of a continuum. For instance, he recently said this about the NFL:
Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.”
Rather damning, perhaps, but let’s not rush to judgement. Contrast that with his remarks in December regarding the NBA:
I think it’s time to get rid of this whole National Basketball Association. Call it the TBA, the Thug Basketball Association, and stop calling them teams. Call ‘em gangs. You have the Laker Gang, you have the Heat Gang, you have a Timberwolf Gang [distortions of official team names], and let ‘em strap up out there, and let ‘em market their CDs. Instead of selling concessions, sell CDs out there at the concession stand.
All the players get involved in this, and if a fight breaks out, hey, it’s what happens! It’s what happens with gangs, and if a cop gets bloodied, you know, that’s a bonus for the gang member that pulls that off, and let the fans, you know, go in knowingly. They’re going in to watch the Crips and the Bloods out there wherever the neighborhood is where the arena happens to be, and be who you are.
So any honest appraisal of Rush’s comments regarding the senator must be considered in the context of his belief that when black people join any institution in sufficient numbers, that instititution — whether it be Congress, or a sports franchise — naturally becomes a criminal enterprise staffed by gangsters, violent rap artists, and hard-bodied mulatto solons with bulging, smoldering pants.
Or maybe, with the election lost and the need to woo minorities over, Rush feels freed from more than just the yoke of political water he was toting for Karl Rove. Perhaps he feels like that alien at the end of V who had his human mask ripped away, revealing the scaly visage beneath; as embarrassing as that moment was –talk about tabloid fodder! — it had to have been a relief to drop the pretense and finally come out of the closet and admit that you aren’t a mammal.
Or maybe the grandees of the right wing commentariat are all just having a big gran mal meltdown. I remember when conservative talk radio was celebrated as some kind of electoral third rail that would drive the Republican party to perpetual victory, while frying any liberal who dared set foot on it. But I’m beginning to think that it’s more like those machines in that made the alien Krells’ dreams come alive. Far from marshalling their forces, all AM radio seems to do nowadays is allow the darkest fantasies of the Limbaughs, Weiners, Becks, et al to escape into the ether…
Rush Limbaugh Offers His Cool, Considered View of Race Relations
Which is why I say we keep those frostback nucks on their own damn side of the border where they belong. You should see how they behave at hockey games.
Do you suppose Limbaugh actually ties his penis to the bedpost at night to keep it from completely disappearing inside his body?
Left by julia on January 22nd, 2007