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Dear fellow Crapiers, please join me in wishing a festive natal anniversary to our own MaryC — wife, relief blogger, gifted cook, preternatural cat whisperer, and heroic inner city school teacher. (To say nothing of the high yield karma she’s accumulated from putting up with me these past many years.) And she’s cute, too.

As you’d expect from a day that’s produced such a lovely and delightful woman, March 26 is a date which has historically been rich, ripe, and teeming with incident.

1830 – The Book of Mormon is published in Palmyra, New York. Fans of the book, called “Mohards,” immediately split into “Team Nephi” and “Team Moroni.”

1967 – Ten thousand people gather for the “Central Park Be-In” in New York City, officially kicking off the so-called “Summer of Verb Conjugation.”

1976 – Queen Elizabeth II sends out the first royal email, from the Royal Signals and Radar Establishment. It’s an ad for penis pills.

1995 – The Schengen Treaty goes into effect, finally outlawing Schengens and Schengen-related program activities.

1997 – Thirty-nine bodies are found in the Heaven’s Gate cult suicides. Confused Blockbuster clerks immediately remove all Michael Cimino films from the shelves.

1999 – The “Melissa worm” infects Microsoft word processing and e-mail systems around the world. Queen Elizabeth’s “herbal Viagra” business never recovers.

March 26 is has also traditionally been a favorite day for distinguished authors to drop dead:

1892 – Walt Whitman, American poet (b. 1819)
1959 – Raymond Chandler, American-born novelist (b. 1888)
1969 – John Kennedy Toole, American author (b. 1937)
1973 – Noel Coward, English composer and playwright (b. 1899)

and if I were a better writer, I’d be feeling extremely nervous right about now. Also died today:

304 – Saint Emmanuel, Christian martyr killed by the Romans for walking around nude, poking Senators in the chest.

On a happier note, Bill S. sent us a list of luminaries who were born on March 26, including:

Robert Frost
Tennessee Williams
Rufus Thomas (R&B singer, father of Carla Thomas)
Bob Elliott, funny human.
Sandra Day O’Connor, Supreme Court Justice
Leonard Nimoy, Vulcan
Alan Arkin, award-winner actor, onetime folk musician (he co-wrote “The Banana Boat Song”!)
James Caan (Brian’s Song was probably the first tearjerker I saw that…actually jerked my tears. Which sounds more vulgar than I meant it to)
Nancy Pelosi
Erica Jong
Diana Ross, singer, actress, inspiration to 78,888,999 drag queens since 1963. At least.
Johnny Crawford, former child actor.
Steve Tyler, big-lipped rock superstar.
Vicki Lawrence, funny human and singer of the cheezy pop hit, “The Night the Lights Went Down In Georgia”.
Teddy Pendergrass, R&B legend
Ernest Thomas, actor (“Raj” on What’s Happenin’. No relation to Rufus or Carla.)
Curtis Sliwa. Guardian Angel/dick
Leeza Gibbons, perky human.
Jennifer Grey, frequent Patrick Swayze co-star. Owner of dull, reconditioned nose.
Kenny Chesney, frequently shirtless country singer.
Keira Knightley, attractive female movie star person
T.R. Knight, actor who pissed off Isaiah Washington

Thanks, Bill! Now let’s check Mary’s horoscope…

Mercury’s sextile to Venus in your Solar Return chart indicates a generally clear mind and improved relationships with younger people.

Which hopefully means your first graders won’t suddenly realize they have the advantage of numbers, and fatally swarm you like a pack of Killer Shrews.


Jupiter trines Saturn and sextiles Neptune at the time of your birthday this year as well…

Good Lord, who planned this birthday party, Aleister Crowley?

…helping you to focus on constructive goals with pleasure.

Yeah, I’ll bet.

Mars conjuncts Neptune and opposes Saturn. Saturn and Neptune’s influences are contradictory.

Only one way to settle this…Release the Kraken! (Hey, we all have our pet name for it.)

And since I’ve been looking at Ann Coulter’s mug all week (she was apparently thrown out of Canada for inappropriately touching the dancers in the Champagne Court, even after she got a warning from the bouncer), I’ve decided to forgo the traditional photo. Instead, here’s your damn dirty Nate.


Nathan Fillion goes undercover as Sonny Crockett to bust drug lord Ken in Barbie’s Malibu Dream Crackhouse!

Happy Birthday, Mary.

27 Responses to “Happy Birthday, MaryC!”

Happy Birthday MaryC! And thanks for your part in keeping the WOC juggernaut rolling along! My world would be a much darker place without it.

Happy Birthday, MaryC!
And thank you for your contributions to this blog.
(Not to mention your appreciation of Nathan Fillian.)

Happy birthday, MaryC. Your earth-shattering birthday sex ’til dawn is in the mail.

Another luminary born today – http://rising-hegemon.blogspot.com/2010/03/and-you-look-like-one-too.html

Crapier makes me sound like a casino worker. I’m a Crapper!

And happy bd Ms C!

Hippo birdy 2 ewe Mary! (Sorry, I don’t have anything else in my birthday repertoire….just got up and on my 1st cup of coffee but I mean it dammit!)

Happy belated birfday to Bill, as I seem to have missed his specific birfday post, ’cause I suck (alas, never in a way that could possibly be of any use to you, m’love!), extra-special severely-non-sextile love & hugs & birfday wishes to our beloved and infinitely patient Mary C., and also let us not forget that next Tuesday the 30th is the above-sheep-herding GAPPY!!! Send her yer love and half-nekkid boy-toys, too!

Nope, not aspiring to any group pile-ons like Mr. Crowley, as much as I enjoyed Ozzy’s song about that particular weirdo, just trying to remember everybody here @ Wo’C who’s celebrating March birfdays, in case they didn’t get to the monthly birfday colored-font happy-happy-joy-joy word orgies over to my rapidly-shrinking joint! (Um… that didn’t come out right… ahhh, what the hell… go on, ya perverts, think whatever kinky/BDSM/limp-penito gags that ye will…)

And shame on Bill for not letting me AT LEAST dispense a pair of fresh-faced (though usually beset by rampant acne, which SHOULD be SOOOO easily-cured, y’know, if they weren’t constrained by the Magickal Undies!) young ELDERS from the LDS stable, to bring him new and fascinating FREE GIFTS, right to his door! Hey, I got to send prezzies to Mary & Gappy (not fishing for glomming, just sayin’, already got and muchly appreciated y’all’s thank-you cards!); after all these years, I shoulda been able to dispense my handy-dandy missionaries to brighten Bill’s still-somewhat-chilly day!

All that sleep-deprived bullshit aside, dear Mary, patient Mary, damned-near-oughter-be-beatified-BUT-NOT-BY-RATZINGER-BY-DAMN!!!-Mary, the woman who holds Scott’s body & soul together and gives me hope for the generations of chirren who have been fortunate enough to have HER for a teacher, as opposed to the social-climbing hausfraus who try to shove republicuntism down the throats of their young charges — I wish you all of the joy, peace, laughter, love, excitement, wealth, health, and no-slimy-hairballs-right-next-to-the-bed as is cosmically POSSIBLE, for this year and all those yet to come, you young whippersnapper!

BTW, Scott: I know that Mary gets preferential treatment, but if I don’t get a nekkid shot of Cliff Curtis in October, in place of that gorgon transsexual nemesis of mine, missionaries are showing up at YOUR HOUSE. Just sayin’…

Why do the HTML tags hate me?

Nope, not aspiring to any group pile-ons like Mr. Crowley

*putting away AstroGlide*


Insert Jerry Lewis voice:

Hey Lady! Laaaadeeeeee!
Happy Birthday!

Hey, it’s better than using other parts of his repertory (http://www.subcin.com/clowncried.html).

Happy birthday, Mary! Wishing a fantastic day to another person without whom mornings would be a lot less funny.

(And I hope Scott doesn’t think he’s off the hook for a present with just that picture…)

Happy birthday Mary!

(where on earth did you get that Fillion pic?)

Many Happy, from one of many crapauds!

happy b’day Mary, better Nate than lever

Happy happy birthday, Mary-san, and many years to you.

I just wanted to pop on here, minutes before my birthday is over, to say: Thank You. Thanks so much for all the wonderful birthday greetings.

I’m of the age where birthdays aren’t as fun as they used to be, but-luckily for me-you guys make them just as fun as they ever were!

You know…I really DO like the picture of Nathan, there. I may have to take some initiative in the future to make sure there is more delicious Nathan Fillion in our little blog. :)

Amen to that!
Kelly, why ask where the picture came from? If the weather is bleak and dreary outside, and, out of nowhere, the clouds suddenly part, the sun comes out it becomes warmer, do you ask, “Where’d the sunshine come from?”

Sweet world-o-crap (great horny toads!), I’m late to the party again.

Happy Birthday, Mary, and hope it was fun, and your, uh, sextile dysfunction clears up soon. Yikes.

Happy Belated, MaryC!

Happy Belated, also, Mary. I too am capable of appreciating Nathan F. (I thought “Firefly” was the beezneez on many counts). That pic reminds me of an incredibly overhot 15-or-so yr old boy who stared at me on a commuter train, one sunny day when I was in my early 20s – except that this kid wasn’t posing for any publicity still. It was just pure hormones, the gift of the goddess.

And on a similar note, thematically and chronologically,
1967 – Ten thousand people gather for the “Central Park Be-In” in New York City, officially kicking off the so-called “Summer of Verb Conjugation.”

Yeah… I was then and there, and conjugate’s the word. Sigh!

So, Mary, may the rest of your year be as conjugatorily fab as that slice of Hippie Heaven was.

Yeah… I was then and there, and conjugate’s the word. Sigh!

I was more into the parsing. And diagramming.

Definitely the diagramming…rawr!

Isn’t ANY touching by Ann Coulter inappropriate?

Y’know, Bill, DAMMIT, I was almost asleep before you brought THAT toxic-waste skull-cartoon up from the fucking SEWERS!!!!!! And of all the things that I DO NOT FUCKING WANT ***IN MY SKULL*** MANN COULTER IS IN THE TOP TWO!!!!!!

Actually, when the word “skull” coincides with mention of my nemesis, I generally think about ripping her bugged-by-thyroid-and-testicular-issues EYES OUT and SKULL-FUCKING HER WITH A RAZOR-WIRE DILDO, just on GENERAL PRINCIPLES. There. Now YOU try to get some fucking sleep, Bill!!!!!! (How’s THAT for a birfday present?!?!?)

And no, Actor, me dozing-off is not an invitation for you to reach for the Astro-Glide, which, shockingly enough, you can now get at WAL-MART, of all fucking places!!!!!! Srsly. I almost had a stroke (shut the fuck up right now!) when I saw that on those sweatshop-manufactured shelves!

Some things are just MEANT to stay, well, adult-video/porno-shop SACRED, dammit! Let the vanilla amateurs have their little capsicum lotions that make their naughty bits tingle, all of that frou-frou pseudo-G-spot Tupperware Party kinda CRAP in the bright pink packaging — ASTROGLIDE IS PROFESSIONAL-LEVEL ONLY, DAMMIT. Not professional as in “money being exchanged,” but more along the lines of “friction upon re-entry may conflate both parties into one big writhing heap of spontaneous combustion, BREAK-OUT THE ASTRO-GLIDE PUMP TRUCKS ***NOW***!!!!!!”, y’know?

*sigh*… I feel soooo ollllddd… Any day now they’ll have NON-BOWDLERIZED MUSIC in a fucking Wally World, and I’ll fall over and die of a fucking stroke right there, and if you make a joke outta THAT one, well, fuck it, you’ve got more free time than I do.

i fucking hate word press

I almost had a stroke (shut the fuck up right now!)

*sipping herbal tea quietly*



I know I’m late, but..

Dear Canada,
You will get Nathan Fillion back when you pry him from our cold, dead hands.



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