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First, I want to thank everyone for the birthday greetings, kind thoughts, and well wishes. You people are the greatest! And I wish to extend special thanks to Scott for keeping the place running, for the lovely birthday tribute, and for forging the note excusing my absence.  I know I speak for Spike TV’s targeted demographic group when I say that Scott is a very talented guy.  And a good friend. Oh, and a big Wo’C bushel of thanks and wingnuts to Anntichrist Coulter for the lovely Social Security-related birthday card and for the movies, which look great  And by “great,” I mean, “really crappy, but in a an amusingly mockable way.”)

Seriously, it’s been a trying fortnight, and I want to thank you all for your forbearance.   Later I might share with you some amusing complaints and whining about my experiences, but only if I can’t think of anything better to write about.  For although I have spent some days (not quite 40, but enough) in the wilderness, I really  don’t have any hard-won wisdom to impart.

Well, I guess I could tell you cautionary tales about war, pestilence, power failures, a kitten with explosive diarrhea, and a puppy who ate the vacuum cleaner cord, but you probably already know that war is hell, pestilence is icky, power failures are a pain, and kittens and puppies are evil, EEEEVIL!

So, instead, here are some bits o’ wisdom I culled from the Internet.  First, here’s the story of the building that symbolizes U.S. stabilizing efforts in Iraq:

Plumbing Problems at Iraq Site Spur Wider Contractor Review

A special inspector general said Thursday that he planned to review all of the Iraq building projects overseen by Pasadena’s Parsons Corp. in the wake of severe plumbing problems that have surfaced at Baghdad’s new police academy […], a $75-million project that is considered to be a symbol of U.S. efforts to help reestablish peace and security in Iraq. 

[An audit] found that inferior plumbing techniques, methods and materials were causing a continual spread of water and human waste throughout the three-story buildings, from the top floor to the ground floor.

“For example, we witnessed a light fixture so full of diluted urine and feces that it would not operate,” the auditors said in the report, which included photographs of the malfunctioning light and stained ceiling tiles.

“As we continued our assessment throughout the second-floor bathroom, we identified evidence of large quantities of diluted urine dripping from the top floor down through the ceiling. The urine was so pervasive that it had permanently stained the ceiling tiles.”

Yes, let us indeed consider that building to be a symbol of U.S. efforts to help reestablish peace and security in Iraq.  Geez, who knew that war profiteering could be so full of parables and stuff?

(BTW, Parsons has only received a billion so far for their 14 Iraqi projects, only 13 of which have been found to be shoddy, so I guess we could cut them some slack.)


Now, Rep. Mark Souder will make us understand something important about James Dobson (oddly enough, this report comes to us courtesy of Focus on the Family’s CitizenLink).

Rep. Mark Souder, R-Ind […] said it is important for people to understand something about Dr. Dobson.

“When Dr. Dobson speaks out, he takes the hits and bullets for all of us,” Souder said. “He becomes the easy punching bag. And when someone sees trends changing or they want to pick on somebody, by Dr. Dobson becoming a public figure and taking the lead, he will get the criticism, but he’s really taking it for everybody.”

Yes, James Dobson died for your sins. 

And in related news, Fox Faith announced they are starting production on a new film entitled The Passion of the Dobson, starring Larry Hagman as Dr. Dobson, Dick Armey as Judas, Bill O’Reilly as Petey the Christmas Warrior, and Mel Gibson as Shylock.


And lastly, here’s our Daily Swank:

What The Heck If Muslims Blow Us Up?

In these days of desperation when Isalmics don’t read nor hear free national leaders — intent are Muslims in slaughter and lay waste — it appears some sort of End is near.

Therefore, those webmasters who are cowardly and so won’t post the truth, coward on.  And those political leaders, who are more interested in their skins, skin on.  And those preachers who are not worth their pulpits, pulpit on.

Judgement Day awaits us all.

I think that Pastor Swank has given us all something to ponder. 

But for now, let us all skin on.  After all, tomorrow is another day — and I may just make it back then, if the good Lord is willing and the End doesn’t come before then.  But in any case, thanks for your continued support.  I really appreciate you all!



31 Responses to “I’m Back (And I Brought You Some Swank)!”

Welcome back.

Oh, God. Who used the phrase “Cowboy up” in Swank’s presence? Like he needs any more hints at fucking with the language.

S.Z., glad you’re back, hope you’re feeling better. C’mon, give us a PayPal button or something. Don’t make us nag Annti for your address so we can send you money for a new computer. I’m not sure she’d do it, is the thing.

Let me encourage your efforts, by saying that World O’Crap is in my Top Three favorite blogs. Please do continue slogging through the unimaginable so I don’t have to…A Fan.

a $75-million project that is considered to be a symbol of U.S. efforts to help reestablish peace and security in Iraq


we witnessed a light fixture so full of diluted urine and feces that it would not operate

So something that’s so full of shit that it can’t even function is a symbol of the US effort in Iraq?

Works for me.

Oh, and anyone who wants to contribute to the s.z. new computer fund might consider buying either a book or a mug.

And those who write where every syllable is like of a retarded babboon, babboon on.

And we all skin on
like the moon and the stars and the sun…

Welcome back, s.z. Take care of your health; we need you to mock bad movies and wingnuts. Speaking of Pastor Swank, is he real or a joke? Is the Post Chronicle a real publication or an Onion-wannabee? I mean, nobody as deranged as Swank could function in the known space-time continuum.

And those war profiteers whose buildings drip with urine, piss on, and piss on us all.

It’s good to have you back.

My suggestion for the Iraqis r/e their shitty Police Academy is that they rerpurpose the building as an amusement park: Hepatitis Land. It’ll become flush with success! Skin on, Swankmeister-G, skin on!

Oh, and the donations button thing isn’t a bad idea. Put one up, and we’ll fund you a new imac in no time, or something.

Yay, SZ! Welcome back! I hope you and the kitten feel better and back to 100% health real soon!

intent are Muslims in slaughter and lay waste

Oh oh, Swank’s swinging into his Yoda routine…

Therefore, those webmasters who are cowardly and so won’t post the truth, coward on. And those political leaders, who are more interested in their skins, skin on. And those preachers who are not worth their pulpits, pulpit on.

Coward on! Coward off! Skin on! Skin off! Pulpit on! Pulpit off! On! Off! On! Off–The Swankster!

SZ, you couldn’t have come back at a better time–the events of yesterday, well let’s call it what it is: The Rape of the Constitution, left many of us depressed, angry, fearful and more. I needed a laugh and you gave it to me! Even in the darkest days of our Democracy, snark is not dead.

World O’Crap: For The Love; For The Laughs; For The Snark

When shit hits the fan = bad
When shit hits the light fixtures = really, really bad.

“it appears some sort of End is near.”

Maybe that “End” will be Swank’s “slaughter and lay waste” of the English language, but where would be the fun in that?

Coward on, Wayne.

Coward on, Garth.

Welcome back, S.Z.

Swank is so wonderfully weird. “Coward on.” All we have to add is “dude.” Maybe Swank is the scriptwriter for “Wayne’s Islamic World.”

welcome back s.
I wonder if the s’Wank has been taking his Genesis 11:7 a little too seriously

Oh oh, Swank’s swinging into his Yoda routine…

actually, that’s more Mr. Miyagi, “wax on, wax off” or in this case, “whacks off”

You know, with just a little judicious editing, the swankster comes across as sort of a mix of Toby Keith and William Butler Yeats:

In these days of desperation/
When Isalmics don’t read nor hear/
Intent are Muslims in slaughter and lay[ing] waste/
It appears some sort of End is near.

It even rhymes. I think it is the swankster patriotic duty to record his columns.

Yay, s.z.’s back! :) :):):):):):):)
Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out…(I already posted the whole song in a previous comments thread a loooooong time ago.)
I’m glad you’re feeling better, but I hope reading the Swanksta doesn’t cause a relapse.
I think I speak for a lot of people when I say Realist (comment #4) beat me to it.

Oh, I was TRYING to do multiple smileys. (Groans like a frustrated 3-years old.)

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, a light bulb filled with feces and urine…that’s damn fine cookin’!

Mark Souder still thinks Chinese eat human fetuses for good skin health.

WELCOME BACK, S.Z.!!!! I just ordered a WoC coffee mug. Please feel free to use the proceeds to buy the penis enlarger of your choice. Or not!

That’s it! We can win the war on terror by parachuting kittens with explosive diahrrea into al Qaeda training camps. s.z. can get a $50m pentagon contract for development, training, and itty bitty harnesses. Just whisper “Diahrrea on, kitty, diahrrea on” in their ears as they leave the plane, and soon those camps will look and smell worse than the Baghdad police academy.

Just joking. I love kittens. Honest.

Is “Isalmic” like Basalmic? Vinegar guzzlers need to know! ;)

Isalmic vinegar and oil make an excellent salad dressing.

Isalmic: Part vinegar bottle, part MP3 player. For the hipster gourmand in all of us. (Welcome back, S/Z.)

MW-10 defines “isalmic” as an adjective meaning “in the manner of or relating to isalma.” You could look it up.


Hah! made you look.

s., glad to see you sitting up and taking punishment again, on our behalf.

(BTW, Parsons has only received a billion so far for their 14 Iraqi projects, only 13 of which have been found to be shoddy, so I guess we could cut them some slack.)

Waiiiit a minute! Parsons, the School of Design and Fashion in NY? The one on Project Runway?! They’re profiting from the Iraq War?! I feel….betrayed, somehow….Tim Gunn…Noooooooooooo!

Okay, I’m more than tardy, I’m bordering on fucktardy, but at least I have a semi-viable excuse.

But I’m so glad that you at least got a few giggles from the special-ed movies I sent, S.Z. Here’s hoping for many days of Beavis & Butthead-quality laughter for you and the menagerie (low, shallow laughter, so as to induce less injury than a geniuine gut laugh), and that all will be healthy & hardy enough (not Hardy BOYS hardy, but you know what I mean) to enjoy them all, sooner or later.

(And for all of you nerds who still haven’t shown up at my lame-ass, rinky-dink blog, you can just twist in the wind, wondering if my excuse is, indeed, viable or not. So nyeh.)