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I bailed out of the Emmy broadcast early — when they began to honor reality programming — and surfed to RenewAmerica in search of entertainment, where it dawned on me that Hollywood was missing a golden opportunity in Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq.  After all, shows about doctors are popular, and so are shows about lawyers; and while she’s actually a dentist, Dr. Taitz is not only a bona fide attorney licensed to malpractice in the state of California, she is also the most notable graduate of Taft Law School, a non-accredited correspondence course that will teach you to, in John Houseman’s immortal words from The Paper Chase, “think like a lawyer,” or how to draw Sparky, depending on whether you scored higher on the LSAT or that Free Art Test from the back of Mystery in Space comics.
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Plus, there’s her sex appeal.  One need only gaze at the good doctor’s head shot to see that she was made for TV — specifically, The Real Housewives of Orange County — not to mention her preternaturally glossy lips, and her creative use of Crest White Strips (I knew they worked great on teeth, but I never would have thought to apply them directly to my scalp!).  Finally, there’s her demonstrated flair for the dramatic; in the very first sentence of her column, she dubs President Obama “the Usurper,” in much the way characters in the Harry Potter universe refer to Voldemort as “He Who Must Not Be Named.”

Please don’t listen to vicious rumors

I am getting close to removing the Usurper, and there are more and more vicious rumors about me and my whole family. It is 5:30 in the morning and I had to cut on sleep yet again to take some time and debunk all those vicious rumors.

As most folks know, you can debunk regular rumors 9 to 5, but with vicious rumors, you really gotta keep farmer’s hours.

First, there was a rumor that there is a declaration by Larry Sinclair filed with court. Please, go on Pacer, it is a public record. There is nothing there, no such declaration. People need to understand that a person cannot just come from the street and file a declaration or an affidavit.

A person must come first from the Post Office with her mail order diploma.

There was a rumor that Philip Berg somehow became part of my case with judge Carter and filed a subpoena to ambassador of Kenya as part of this case. Again, Berg has nothing to do with this case. There is nothing in the case having to do with Berg.

Yeah, I guess so.  I just wish I knew if Berg was somehow involved…

Lastly, there was a vicious rumor that my husband is somehow connected with swine flu and swine flu vaccine. Again, ridiculous rumor.

I imagine there’s no more galling an indignity for the professional conspiracy theorist than to have to waste her time refuting wild accusations.

My husband studied computer science and business. He never studied pharmacology, doesn’t know pharmacology and wouldn’t know the difference between a virus and an elephant.

So your husband’s an idiot.

He is a CEO of a company that produces a software, which is a tool used in research.  It is used by many universities in the country. It is used in agriculture research, in chemical research, in any research that deals with molecules and computation of properties of molecules, that are being synthesised.

As long as they aren’t dealing with virus molecules or elephant molecules, it’s an accurate software.

There are millions and millions of molecules in the world.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Madame Curie!   Let’s not start talking all crazy here…!

New ones are being synthesised every day, my husband has no clue what different companies are doing in their research. It is similar to any other software that is used as a tool.

In this case, a box wrench.

There is an accounting software, quicken. A computer engineer, who invented this software didn’t become your accountant, didn’t enter the information in your tax returns. Microsoft Word or Word Perfect is used by many writers, but it didn’t make Microsoft a poet or a comedian or a screen writer. Microsoft Word or Word Perfect is just a tool. I hope I explained this point and wouldn’t have to go to it again.

And I believe we all share your hope.

My husband is a good man, he is a devoted father and he is there for our three sons when I am travelling around the country raising support for Obama’s illegitimacy issue, when I am in court fighting to make sure this country doesn’t turn into another Communist Hell, as I experienced as a child, so we don’t live under Dictator Obama with all his szars like another Himler or Herring or another Beria.

Well, Dr. Taitz didn’t actually live under Beria, since he died before she were born, but I’m sure the rest of the paragraph was properly spelled in the original Cyrillic, and I enthusiastically endorse her refusal to live under the totalitarian boot heel of smoked and salted fish.

I hope people stop attacking my family and start attacking Obama and demand that he produce his vital records immediately or resign or be removed immediately.

To quote the industrial short Once Upon a Honeymoon from the MST3K episode Night of the Bloodbeast:  “Yeah?  Well wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one piles up first.”

Let’s make sure Obama shows up for his deposition with his hospital birth certificate ready for examination.

Oh, let’s!  Let’s do!  But you know what would make it even more fun?  Let’s just send a random black man to the deposition and see if Dr. Taitz, Esq. notices.

45 Responses to “Dr. Taint, Medicine-Legal Woman”

Another interesting specimen unearthed. A phenotype of the Paranoid Mindset. Please bottle and send to Smithsonian Institute.

A communist czar? That’s almost as loony as a Muslim socialist.
I think Orly has Muppet hair. And a name out of Mayberry.
And a perspective on the world out of the Twilght Zone.

“And so, your Honor, you can clearly see that the footprints on this so called ‘Hospital Birth cerfificate’ are only two inches long! Anyone can see that this USURPERS feet are five times that size! Surely no one is fooled by this malicious forgery!!”

I wonder why my seemingly inncous comment is waiting moderation?

I meant to write innocuous.
wait, inocuous?
Okay, I meant to write “harmless”.

So your husband’s an idiot.

I so want to have your baby, Scott.

It is used in agriculture research, in chemical research, in any research that deals with molecules and computation of properties of molecules, that are being synthesised.

So, like, pharmaceuticals.

There is an accounting software, quicken. A computer engineer, who invented this software didn’t become your accountant, didn’t enter the information in your tax returns.

Except, apparently, for Geithner.

when I am in court fighting to make sure this country doesn’t turn into another Communist Hell, as I experienced as a child, so we don’t live under Dictator Obama with all his szars like another Himler or Herring or another Beria.

I, for one, welcome my pickled fish overlord.

Szars?

Himler was a Commie? No wonder Hitler lost! He had a traitor in his inner circle!

So hang on…this woman, who is attacking another man’s family, specifically whether his mother was actually living in a third world nation at the time she was supposedly living in Hawaii, is upset that someone is asking whether her husband’s company might be profiting from the swine flu scare?

*shaking head*

“And so, your Honor, you can clearly see that the footprints on this so called ‘Hospital Birth cerfificate’ are only two inches long! Anyone can see that this USURPERS feet are five times that size! Surely no one is fooled by this malicious forgery!!”

Dude. Our Prez hangs at least eleven, knowwhutAhmean?

Ahhhhhhhhh, I see where she got “Herring” from!

Holy shit, she’s *married*? Man, and people feel sorry for my partner for the depth of crazy on the floor in our home.

D.

It’s how she got her US citizenship.

Ironic, ain’t it?

People need to understand that a person cannot just come from the street and file a declaration or an affidavit.

Funnily enough, that’s almost exactly what the judge said about Taitz’s paperwork.

So, I take it that someone’s accusing Taitz’s husband of being part of some Big Pharma vaccine conspiracy? If so, how perfect is that? Live by the loony, die by the loony.

“Let’s make sure Obama shows up for his deposition with his hospital birth certificate ready for examination.
And a stool and urine sample. I, for one, want him drug tested.

He never studied pharmacology, doesn’t know pharmacology and wouldn’t know the difference between a virus and an elephant.

So your husband’s an idiot.

He’s not as smart as a fifth grader. Or a kindergartner, really. I’m sure a 5-year-old knows.

I, for one, refuse to live under the despotic reign of Genghis Khan. Unless he shares some cool plunder with me.

I imagine there’s no more galling an indignity for the professional conspiracy theorist than to have to waste her time refuting wild accusations.

Have a baby with actor, Scott. This is genius stuff.

“I am getting close to removing the Usurper, and there are more and more vicious rumors about me and my whole family. It is 5:30 in the morning and I had to cut on sleep yet again to take some time and debunk all those vicious rumors.”

Isn’t the rumour that Obama isn’t American pretty vicious?
Then again, Ms. Titz is pretty vicious looking.

Some women have “Betty Davis” eyes; this one has Tarantula Eyes. Luckily, tho most people don’t know it, Tarantulas are Mostly Harmless.

actor212: Ahhhhhhhhh, I see where she got “Herring” from!

She thinks “The Great Dictator” was a documentary?

She may have gotten “Herring” from hearing Russian versions of Goering’s name (she’s from the part of the Soviet Union that is now Moldova). Russian lacks an “h” sound, so names with initial “h” are russianized by changing it to “g.” Adolf Gitler, for example. Russian also lacks the German “oe” umlaut, so Goering would be “Gering.” She has reversed the process, but has overshot the mark and hypercorrected the “g” to an “h” and failed to redo the umlaut. A Russian acquaintance once asked me about billionaire Govard Guges, and it took a while to figure out who he meant.

“There are millions and millions of molecules in the world.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Madame Curie! Let’s not start talking all crazy here…!

OK, that does it.
Scott, I’m afraid you’ll have to put aside your scruples about bigamy and marry me now.

Whenever I read Usurper from one of these dispatches from the loonyverse, for some weird reason, I think of the Berserker song from the movie Clerks, but with the word usurper in there instead.

It’s really not all that funny, but there it is.

She’s thinking of Ewald Hering, instigator of colour opponency. Say no more.
But misspelling Himmler is not funny.

The birthers, the tea baggers, the screamers, and the deathers continued extreme minority presence will become tiresome to mainstream America, if it has not already done so. To all the birthers in La, La Land, it is on you to prove to all of us that your assertion is true, if there are people who were there and support your position then show us the video (everyone has a price), either put up or frankly shut-up. I heard Orly Taitz, is selling a tape (I think it’s called “Money, Lies and Video tape”). She is from Orange County, CA, now I know what the mean when they say “behind the Orange Curtain”, when they talk about Orange County, the captial of Conspiracy Theories. You know Obama has a passport, he travel abroad before he was a Senator, but I guess they were in on it. In my opinion the Republican Party has been taken over the most extreme religious right (people who love to push their beliefs on others while trying to take away the rights of those they just hate) and that’s who they need to extract from their party if they real want to win. Good Luck, because as they said in WACO, “We Ain’t Coming Out”. I heard that she now wants to investigate the “Republican 2009 Summer of Love” list: Assemblyman, Michael D. Duvall (CA), Senator John Ensign (NV), Senator Paul Stanley (TN), Governor Mark Stanford (SC), Board of Ed Chair, and Kristin Maguire AKA Bridget Keeney (SC).

All I can think of is the”ORLY” owl picture when I see her name.

Then I think of that porn star from the eighties, “Seka”. and thats it.

I believe a lot, but to believe that woman is real just seems to take it to far.

I so want to have your baby, Scott.

Um. I don’t think it works that way, Actor, and even so…

Have a baby with actor, Scott. This is genius stuff.

..Hey now! Wait a minute! I think I might have a little say in this….

OK, that does it.
Scott, I’m afraid you’ll have to put aside your scruples about bigamy and marry me now.

Alright, now I’m putting my foot down! You all step off of my man! Don’t you make me pull my hair back into a pony tail and hurt you!

Dang. Go to work for the day and look what happens! Can’t turn my back for a second!

Perhaps Orly Taitz would be kind enough to provide us with documentation supporting her passage of the California Bar Exam, and as she has posited for Obama, simple license to practice law in California will most definitely not be sufficient. I need to see the exam itself and her responses, and the responses of those grading her.

Frankly, I don’t believe she can or will do this, and were the exam ever made public, so also would be a case of fraud in which palms were greased, as a result of which Orly was granted a license to practice law in the state of California.

I can’t imagine it happening otherwise, given her clear unfamiliarity with basic legal concepts (and I think Judge Clay Land might be inclined to agree, though he’s too pro to say so).

I smell the biggest fucking tuna here, in other words, and hear the sound of distant shoes dropping.

Orly needs to provide definitive proof that she actually exists, and isn’t some sort of Borat-like fictitious character.

For all we know, she’s just a actress hired to play the part.

After we carefully examine the fonts on her long-form birth certificate and other such documentation, then *maybe* we’ll accept her claim. But really, she should just submit the continuous video record of her entire life from birth to the present day, otherwise it proves she has something to hide. Probably something very nasty indeed.

I so want to have your baby, Scott.

Um. I don’t think it works that way, Actor, and even so…

Oh Mary, we’re liberals!

You can join in!

I am waiting until they divvy Scott up into hunks of meat and gristle and bone.

She may have gotten “Herring” from hearing Russian versions of Goering’s name (she’s from the part of the Soviet Union that is now Moldova). Russian lacks an “h” sound, so names with initial “h” are russianized by changing it to “g”.

My favourite instance of this is in Pushkin’s Queen of Spades, which features a German character called Hermann. So you have Germann the German.

Second place goes to Harry Potter, aka Garry Potter.

It also explains why Jewish surnames often come in pairs like Hellman/Gellman, Heller/Geller, Horowitz/Gurevich.

So THAT’S why, on Talk Like A Pirate day, I kept hearing “A Goy!” from my Jewish friends!

“Then I think of that porn star from the eighties, “Seka”. and thats it.”

You got it. She rocks that look. She can clean my tooth anytime. Rowrrr

We are all adults here, and as adults we know there are consequences for are actions, so if you do not agree with his policies, you can a) do nothing, b) support him, c) not support him, d) protest and picket, its your choice, live the dream! As for Orly Taitz, to this point she has not been successful because she does not have any proof, documentation supporting her claims except her wild rants. I would not bet the farm on this one. She has a mail-order-degree get someone with real credentials (Harvard, Yale Law School) not a Russian immigrant with dual US/ Israel citizenship (where are her allegiances?). Have you even thought of who is paying for all her travel, or are you telling me she independently wealthy? Sorry she has no juice because she does not have any proof, documentation supporting her claims except her wild rants. That might work in “Fake News” but not in a Court of the United States.

Actor said, & quotes & then sez
I so want to have your baby, Scott.

Um. I don’t think it works that way, Actor, and even so…

Oh Mary, we’re liberals!

You can join in!”

Yes, yes. And while Actor’s much funnier than me, I do dishes, floors, and toilet bowls quite well. Think of the cost/benefit analysis…

(“A Goy” indeed, snerk.)

““Then I think of that porn star from the eighties, “Seka”. and thats it.”

Scripto: You got it. She rocks that look. She can clean my tooth anytime. Rowrrr

No, that’s not really what I meant, but I guess my lack of clarity is my own damn fault.

Porn stars do nothing for me scripto and the thought that this conserva-freak looks like a porn star only makes her existence even more a seeming contradiction with reality.

Which is what I meant to say.

Oh hell, whatever.

(”A Goy” indeed, snerk.)

Well, it was either that or “I gotta take a shikseh”

Reading the most recent from the hand of Clay Land wherein he ordered her to show cause why she should not face sanctions in the amount of $10,000, I was delighted. But even more delighted to find that Judge Land had essentially told Taintz that her attempt to shift the burden of proof to Defendant, in violation of well-established case law and supposedly in support of that “liberty and freedom” that she claims to be upholding through this case, was a blatant violation of such liberty and freedom, in that the coercive power of the courts and government were being used against an individual to compel him to prove his innocence to unmerited charges. That had to hurt. In addition, the judge all but stated that she was an incompetent idiot both in the initial order throwing out the case and in the subsequent order to show cause. It is to swoon.

It gets better every day, politicalcat:

One of Orly’s clients (now serving in Iraq) blew her off, and advised the court, via fax, of that fact.

Orly immediately pounced on the fax as a forgery, citing differences between her client’s signature on the fax and previous documents.

Keep digging, Orly, the bottom’s gotta be here somewhere.

And by the way, each time a Judge has ruled against Orly, they invariably direct plaintiff to cover defendant’s costs.

It’d be great if it were Orly, but it’s likely her client that’s gonna pony up.

Wonder where she studied history?

It’s remarkable that she writes exactly how she talks. From an eastern European country where English is a second language.

Orly, do you consider your son an American citizen or is he a Usurper as well?

I once got a warhead on my taint.

I refuse to believe this is her real column. It reads like a parody of her speaking style.

Then again…

To all the Birthers. Where is the beef “Proof that is”? or “Got Proof” But of course you have as much proof as you do common sense, none. Live the dream!

Something to say?