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I noticed the other day that Dr. Professor Mike Adams is now on Twitter, and wondered how an ego with the brobdingnagian dimensions of his would cope with such a circumscribed medium. But judging by the tweets below (a random sampling from the past few days) the 140-character limit does not seem to impair Dr. Mike’s natural douchebaggery in the slightest. In fact, I’ve gained a new respect for him, and am firmly convinced he could make a luminously inflamed asshole of himself with nothing to work with but punctuation:

True, I did say feminists are so dumb they need seminars to learn to masturbate. I didn’t mean to be offensive. I was taken out of context!

I say “Give me a piece, and give me a chance.” Not “Give peace a chance.” I’m a gun owner, not a stinking hippie.

Just got a bad Amazon review on “Feminists Say the Darndest Things.” I don’t know why the feminist is mad. It’s not like I aborted her dog.

We need an untrasound that identifies future abortion doctors. They, and only they, should be aborted.

Don’t tell me why you support abortion. Tell someone who was adopted.

Maybe it’s almost time for a second Civil War. If you keep telling me to be civil - while taking what is mine - there’s gonna be a war.

New Year’s message from Mike Adams to Muslim extremists: Let’s get it on. Bitches!

Happy New Year everyone! May we bring peace to the world by killing far more Muslim extremists than we did last year!

Speaking of men who wield the Mother Tongue like a tubesock full of gall stones, Pastor Swank has resumed his on again/off again affair with Jim Crow-era terms of endearment:

The Boy screwed up but points fingers at all others who screwed up.

And so America “dodged” another calamity by the skin of its inept Oval Office occupant and criminal-stained shadow government of amateurs spinning the country.

Lucky for us the President has skin.

Obama is the bright and morning star who promised hope in change that would never point fingers; however, Muslims lie per the Koran’s virtue list and therefore Obama can do just that—again—to be orthodox Islamic.

USam.jpg
Uncle Samarra Wants YOU for the Caliphate!

It must have been the Hawaiian air that brought our Muslim leader to his senses on this Tuesday’s twosome “screwed up.”

Ever since Obama endorsed it, the Pastor’s brain has been boycotting air.

If Obama does not wise up instead of screw up we’ll all be plugged by a “bullet.”

Which will have to be even more magical than the slug that nailed JFK and Governor Connolly.

His alliances with Islam World Rule will see to that. His Muslim colleagues assisting on Pennsylvania Avenue work night and day to precision the “bullet.”

And it’s delicate work, conjugating the verb “to precise.”

Then Obama calls these cohorts “brave individuals.” But wait a minute? Is he referring actually to patriots left in positions of authority by which we can truly be protected? Or is this another nod to his comrades in setting up the final fall of America? Only time will tell.

You want anything while we’re waiting? Pretzels? Fresca? Maybe a Hot Pocket?

It’s sickening. America has come to this low-level in its history. And this so close after 9 / 11 that we have One of Them Power-Slinging from the White House.

That One is One of Them? It’s even worse than McCain thought!

Rid the White House of its Islamic curse.

Right you are, Pastor. First thing we have to do is return all the Aztec gold to Isla de Muerta, then we need to take blood samples from some pirates…

23 Responses to “The Churchill Wit”

Has Mike Adams ever had an original thought in his head? His tweet stream is just distilled right wing pub bore cliché.

I’m just glad Mrs. Mike left before they had kids. It’s amazing how he can be so complete an asshole that there’s no room for anything else. How has he not been killed yet?

Let’s get it on?

Clearly, Dr. Mike is dedicated to being an asshole. It’s one thing to write a pissy column every week, it’s another thing entirely to take it to Twitter and run it on an hour-by-hour basis. It’s almost impressive.

Oh, and regarding this little fart:

Don’t tell me why you support abortion. Tell someone who was adopted.

Don’t tell Dr. Mike, but it’s possible to be pro-choice and an adoptee at the same time. I can attest to that personally. Wild, huh? Maybe I’ll write him an e-mail that he can reply to in a future passive-aggressive screed.

It’s even possible to be pro-choice and someone whose mother attempted to have you aborted.

What the hell is he doing, just tweeting bumper stickers he likes? I’d love to see Swank on Twitter, actually. I mean, holy shit, you think he’s incoherent now.

I wish, honestly, that I had the same unassailable assurance of self-worth that Mike Adams has. Unfortunately, I think that’d mean I’d have to have his personality, too, and fuck that noise.

(I suspect one of the voices in my head *does* have his personality, actually. The rest of us voices scream at it to shut up a lot.)

Happy fucking new year, people. I’m about ready to return the unused portion of my decade for a partial refund. I’m pretty sure it’s gone off.

“I’m a gun owner, not a stinking hippie.”

Well, Dr. Mike, I’m a gun owner and a stinking hippie and my old lady could outshoot yours any day of the week. Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up.

Please, PLEASE, let Dr Mike get his ass kicked on Twitter by outting him on some national television program like The View, where he’d be invited to come on the show, and then clawed apart by everyone, including Hasselbeck.

Actually, Scott, if you don’t mind, I’d like to email this column to Joy Behar…

D Johnston:

Yes, pls goad him at your leisure.

He looks like he needs a good goading.

All in good fun, but I was hoping to see some Michael O’Donoghue stuff. Can you at least do an impression of Dr. Mike with long, sharp needles plunged into his eyes.

Let’s get it on?

Stop fucking flirting with me, asshole.

actor: by all means. Dr. Mike deserves a wider audience.

“Don’t tell me why you support abortion. Tell someone who was adopted.”

I’ll say it in easy to understand English.
We need abortion for bitches like Mike Adams and douche bags like Pastor Swank.

Did they understand that?

Don’t tell me why you support abortion. Tell someone who was adopted.

I thought I was. I thought you were. Well, color me shocked! So, who are these saints who somehow resisted the urge to dump you in a foster home for at least 18 years?

Dr M’s tweets sound like bumper stickers that even Cafe Press won’t try to sell. Or maybe DrM read them at Cafe Press.

I suspect one of the voices in my head *does* have his personality, actually.

That’s terrible. I am so sorry.

“Don’t tell me why you support abortion. Tell someone who was adopted.”

Sure. *drunk dials my dad*

ME: Hey, Dad.
DAD: Hi, bub. ((NOTE: My dad is Wolverine))
ME: Dad, are you in favor of abortion rights? I am.
DAD: Of course I am. Are you drunk, son? ((NOTE: I am))

Anyway, I’ll clip the rest of the conversation. Suffice it to say that I have a number of close friends and family members who are both adopted and staunch supporters of the right to choose. Suck it, Dr. Mike.

“New Year’s message from Mike Adams to Muslim extremists: Let’s get it on. Bitches!”

Sorry, Mike, but the Muslim Brotherhood just isn’t that into you.

Are we sure this isn’t a parody? Does Doug Giles have a Twitter? Please tell me Doug Giles is alliterating his twitterating.

New Year’s message from Mike Adams to Muslim extremists: Let’s get it on. Bitches!

I like to imagine that line delivered with a flirty smile and a decent Paul Lynd impression.

But then that begs the question: can Dr. Mike smile? And, if he can, would the very sight of it chill the blood in our veins? Something to ponder.

Scott, I couldn’t confirm her email so I posted it on the message board over at The View, under the topic “Anti-Feminism”.

Methinks Dr Mike bit off more than he can chew.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Now “having a rocket in my pocket” is asking for a body-cavity search ?

Now “having a rocket in my pocket” is asking for a body-cavity search ?

I’ll have to try that in the bar tonight.

Got a rocket in your pocket? Stay cool, boy!

Something to say?