Pastor Swank has shifted into zenith gear and is cranking out the columns on a daily basis again, and as we know from our long and careful study of the pastor’s oeuvre, as he grows more prolific, his prose becomes less intelligible and more entertaining. In fact, he starts things off in classic Swank as a Second Language style with an article-free, semi-bestial grunt:
…then slides immediately into some of our favorite Swankian tropes:
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is so intent on slaughtering womb babies that she vows to cement it in the blanket health care travesty.
A “cement blanket” is similar to the infamous “cement overshoes” employed by the Mafia, but is generally considered more age appropriate for a fetus. However, the joke will be on Speaker Pelosi, when she discovers just how labor-intensive it can be to try drowning something that spends all its time floating in liquid.
For those who want to read Pelosi’s killer sentence, go to line 16, page 96, section 213, under ‘Insurance Rating Rules.’
But like the , the sentence is lethal, so you should probably wait until the health care travesty has been translated into German before you read it.
Pelosi prides herself on being a model mother. Her husband and children sit alongside her in family photos. There you have it — the liberal American household with smiling-teeth Mom at the center.
Devotees of the penny dreadful will recall that before ascending to the Speakership, Smiling-Teeth Mom and Spring Heeled Jack kept Victorian London in the grip of terror.
What an accomplished female she has become — from California on West Coast to Washington DC on East Coast.
To paraphrase Dr. Johnson, a woman managing to travel from the West Coast to the East Coast is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
She’s the queen mother of the nation, bound to set us free from biblical values. She’s worked night and day with liberal chaps of like evil bent to undercut every scriptural ethic.
That’s how you can identify Democrats at a glance. They’re the Queen Mothers working day and night with liberal chaps of evil bent to undercut scripture, while Republicans are the Queens bent over in assless chaps for guys who are 8 inches cut.
Pelosi, Catholic, detests the Roman Catholic moral base endorsed by devout biblical churchmen and women. She does not mind flying in the face of her own spiritual leaders worldwide.
So, the Pastor has become a Papist, eh? I guess forty years of trying and failing to achieve transubstantiation on his Milton Bradley Home Altar has finally driven Swank into the arms of Mother Church. On the bright side, the fact that his one child is adopted will go a long way toward helping him get that Annulment.
Those white teeth and broad smile circled her words of religiosity.
Swank really hates the Speaker’s teeth.
How dumb does she think we are? Pretty dumb, obviously.
I’m sure she’ll reconsider after reading your column, Pastor.
This space cadet of a House Speaker is so dangerous.
All together now: How dangerous IS she?
She stands next in line to Marxist Muslim Barack Hussein Obama. The two are out to rob the Republic of its Christian heritage. Total secularization is their aim. Ditto Europe’s godlessness.
It’s like a really cool heist movie. Obama and Pelosi have assembled a team of specialists, and they’re planning to rob the Republic of its Christian heritage, and steal Europe’s godlessness…all in one night!
Now with the health plan propped for a “go,”
Thunderbirds!..Are!…(propped for a)…GO!
she does not renege regarding the sentence sentencing womb infants to the dumpster.
Meet the World’s Deadliest Assassin. Her victim? The Fetus. Her battlefield? The Womb. Her murder weapon: Homonyms.
With that one sentence
Would that sentence be the killer sentence that sentences?
…all of us would be paying out for the guillotine laced around every unborn babies’ neck. Is this what America at its best stands for?
No! For one thing, don’t lace it. According to most early childhood experts, your fetus should wear the guillotine loosely around its neck — assuming it’s developed one — otherwise it presents a potential choking hazard.
It’s time to dump Pelosi and all her cadre. It’s time to take advantage of the recent moralist surge in November’s elections.
Yes, when it comes to Congressional races, it’s the moral victory that matters.
As rich and deep a vein as the Pastor is, I feel a little bad hacking away at him two days in a row, so I thought I’d give him a treat by arranging a play date with another sparkling hunk of pyrite. As you may recall, D.Sidhe recently suggested we pay a call on Ann “Babe” Huggett. Like Nancy Pelosi, “Babe” also hails from San Francisco, where, according to her RenewAmerica bio, she works as a “freelance writer and the Associate Editor and Publisher of TheRealityCheck.org. She is the co-owner and moderator of Free Britannia.org, a conservative British-American site dedicated to events affecting the Anglosphere. Ann is currently appearing as an on air radio talent as “Babe” Huggett, with co-host Warner Todd Huston, on Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Conservatism on Blog Talk Radio.”
By “on air radio” she means “one of those internet live chat sites that are to radio broadcasting what those ‘Make Your Own 45′ recording booths in Seaside Heights, New Jersey were to Capitol Records,” and by “talent” I presume she means “a faint resemblance to Eddie Izzard after a night of hard drinking.”
This week, Babe explains that famous liberals will be of no use to you if you’re attacked in a dark alley by crowbar-wielding lesbians:
Who would you rather have with you as back-up in that dark alley?
And she opens with a sentence that, while not lethal, makes me think she and Swank were meant for each other:
London’s flamboyant, bike-commuting mayor, Boris Johnson, did something rather extraordinary earlier this week in that criminal paradise known as the UK where self-defense and “have-a-go heroes” face prosecution for stopping crimes before the police can get there purposely too late in order to just have to fill out paperwork. In the UK, where everyone basically quails before the whims of the violent, Boris Johnson confronted a gang of teenage girls (one armed with an iron bar), who were threatening an older woman.
If only more leftists were attacked by the cast of Cinemax After Dark movies and saved by cool, bicycle-riding conservatives, there’d be no need to have our tea outdoors.
With his reputation as an out-of-control rugby player still hanging around him like a miasma, big, burly Johnson sped up on his bike to help the founder of the environmentalist 10:10 campaign and film director, Franny Armstrong (The Age of Stupid) as the wolf pack of girls descended on her.
Aside from Man, wolves have only one natural predator: the Miasma.
The world is a scary, dangerous place, full of violent peoples within AND without, who want to see you dead, our nation destroyed and their greedy ideology triumphant.
I’m actually not too concerned about the violent peoples within the world, since I’ve seen the Mole Men, and if John Agar can deal with them, how tough can they be? As for the violent peoples without the world, I’m not going to worry until they develop faster-than-light spare travel and show up here brandishing an iron bar.
We just went through an off-year election where Republicans cleaned the clock of the Jackass Party
Thanks, Moralist Surge!
The Democrats still control DC, the media and have a finely oiled smear machine that can spring into action at a moment’s notice.
Maybe if we can stop them from oiling the springs of their smear machine it’ll seize up. Then they might get angry at their springs, inadvertently summoning Coily, the Spring Sprite, who would curse their sofa cushions and window shades!
The hysteria that they will unleash on the public as the 2010 elections approach will be overwhelming so maybe if voters ask themselves this one simple question in the voting booth, they could actually make an intelligent decision when they pull that lever.
I’m surprised, but gratified to see that “Babe,” unlike so many pundits, is rejecting the politics of fear and sensation, and attempting to elevate the debate by appealing to reason and focusing on the issues that most affect ordinary Americans.
The question is this: If I were in a dark alley and needed back-up, who would I rather have with me?
Well, if one of my choices is Ann “Babe” Huggett, I think I’d rather go with Sgt. Suzanne “Pepper” Anderson. But the Pastor’s Playmate makes the selection easy by supplying us with a list of opposites, including:
A Democrat or a Republican?
A conservative or a RINO??
The extra question mark is for extra emasculation.
A patriot or an internationalist?
I guess it would depend where this dark alley was, because if it were abroad, then the patriot might actually band together with the local lesbian gang in the name of national unity to stave my head in with a tire iron. And then I’d find myself, in those few brief, flickering moments before the blackness swallowed me up, wishing someone with more of a cosmopolitan flavor would wander by.
A US service man or a war protester?
I think I’d split the difference and guess Megan McArdle, in the alley, with a 2×4.
A candidate for everyone or someone, who is counting on racial or ethnic loyalty?
I, uh…Hm. Pass, pass!
A non-responsive incumbent or grassroots new blood?
Well, if the incumbent’s pupils are non-responsive, there could be internal injuries and we night need to ask the grassroots to donate that new blood.
A corrupt, lobbyist-lovin’ fat cat or a Constitutionalist?
This one’s easy. I never met a Constitutionalist yet who wasn’t hiding a razor in his shoe.
Someone of the people or a spoiled prat from an elitist, ruling class family?
So my choice is Bill Clinton or George W. Bush? I’m gonna go with the Big Dog. As long as the Mini-Skirt Mob isn’t armed with a Miasma, we should be fine.