J. Matt is not only a columnist for RenewAmerica, not only “an attorney concentrating in constitutional law,” (which usually means filling up the break room at work with empty pizza boxes and discarded Slurpee cups as he brainstorms strict constructionist and/or original textualist interpretations that prove the Commerce Clause totally outlaws abortion), but he’s also the “Policy Director for Cultural Issues” at Concerned Woman for America. And as a woman concerned with America and culture and Issues, J. Matt has naturally gone all twitter-pated about Mary Cheney’s bouncing baby abomination.
Mary Cheney, unwed lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, has given birth to a son, Samuel David Cheney. This beautiful child of God is undoubtedly a wonderful blessing to Ms. Cheney and to his two doting grandparents. This precious new life should be celebrated. But the conditions under which Ms. Cheney has chosen to bring this child into the world are to be condemned.Although circumstances don’t always allow child rearing to occur within God’s natural design for the family (which includes both a mother and a father), Ms. Cheney has very sadly and selfishly made the conscious choice to deny her child a natural family environment. She has intentionally deprived him of his other parent — his father.
More commonly known as “that guy who masturbated into a cup at the sperm bank for fifty bucks.”
Ms. Cheney apparently intends to have a woman by the name of Heather Poe, whom she has identified as her lesbian “partner,” assist in the rearing of her son; but unfortunately, Ms. Poe can never replace little Samuel David’s other parent — his dad.
Has this “Ms. Poe” person ever taken a Juggs magazine into a toilet stall and whacked off for a cup of juice and a small honorarium? No! All she’s gonna do is hang around for the next 18 years, changing diapers, bandaging skinned knees, helping with homework and saving for college. Sure, hop on the bandwagon now, bitch! The hard work’s all done.
One wonders if Ms. Cheney has ever contemplated what her childhood may have been like if she had been denied her own father.
Self-righteous jackholes like you wouldn’t be writing about her personal life?
The Fox News Channel, which in the past has at least made an effort to avoid liberal bias and political correctness in its reporting…
We will now take a break, while those who spewed their drinks pause to swab the monitor, and those who aspirated their beverages stagger around the house looking for someone to Heimlich them.
Okay, we’re back:
…has covered the story with the PC caption: Dick Cheney’s Daughter & Lesbian Partner Give Birth to Boy. This begs the question: How is it that Ms. Cheney’s lesbian partner has “[given] birth to a boy”?
Well, she’s got a better shot at it than Dick Cheney’s son-in-law, Phillip Perry. On the other hand, given Phil’s tireless efforts to defend chemical plants from EPA regulation, he might have started to grow his own set of bacon and Playdoh, allowing he and wife Elizabeth Cheney to trade off the childbearing chores.
It is a biological impossibility for a homosexual “couple” to conceive a child without the assistance of a third party who is a member of the opposite sex. Yes, due to infertility natural male-female couples sometimes have to employ similar assistance, but there is no comparison.
Oh wait, I just made one. Crap!
[spit take]
Wot th’‽‽‽ Damn, I better read that again!
Oh! Heh-I musta misread that sentence. I thought you were talking about some bizarre, mutant offspring of Peter North and Matt Ramsey… [in joke alert]… and, if you know where I can find such a man, TELL ME NOW!!!!
[licks chops at the thought]
Left by Marq on May 29th, 2007