Edgar Bergen’s less intelligent dummy, Andy McCarthy, slowly sits up in his case, frightens the crap out of Michael Redgrave, then declares:
Good for Senator McCain on his sharp rebuttal to Senator Obama. May I add one point, though, that continues to make me nuts?
Senator Obama says: ” It is time to end this war so that we can redeploy our forces to focus on the terrorists who attacked us on 9/11 and all those who plan to do us harm.”
Senator Obama, are you proposing that we move U.S. troops from Iraq to Afghanistan, where you guys keep saying the “real” War on Terror is?
I have good news for you, Andy — you needn’t lose another night’s sleep, agonizing over what Senator Obama could possibly mean when he utters the baffling word “redeployment.” Thanks to modern miracles like Retsyn, Chlorinol-3, and The Internet, you can actually go to his website and read all about it:
Perhaps most importantly, some of these troops could be redeployed to Afghanistan, where our lack of focus and commitment of resources has led to an increasing deterioration of the security situation there. The President’s decision to go to war in Iraq has had disastrous consequences for Afghanistan — we have seen a fierce Taliban offensive, a spike in terrorist attacks, and a narcotrafficking problem spiral out of control. Instead of consolidating the gains made by the Karzai government, we are backsliding towards chaos. By redeploying from Iraq to Afghanistan, we will answer NATO’s call for more troops and provide a much-needed boost to this critical fight against terrorism.
Not so fast there, Senator. Andy is bouncing in his seat and raising his hand, so he’s either dying to ask an asinine follow-up, or he has to make wee-wees:
There is also a very good chance that bin Laden and some al Qaeda hierarchy are in Pakistan. When you say “redeploy,” are you suggesting that we invade Pakistan?
Well, it’s not my place to speak for Senator Obama, but I’m gonna take a leap of faith here and say: No.
Folks, let’s not let these guys get away with this. By “redeploy,” they don’t really mean move the troops to where they say al Qaeda is. They don’t want to fight al Qaeda. If they wanted to fight al Qaeda, al Qaeda is in Iraq — that is indisputable. Bin Laden has said repeatedly that Iraq is the central battle.
Yes, but so has President Bush, and his use of lies has proven to be, shall we say, more than recreational.
You can argue about whether al Qaeda has been in Iraq all along or whether they are there only because we’ve drawn them there.
Uh…no, you can’t.
Reasonable minds differ on that.
Uh, no they don’t.
But however they got there, they’re there.
Later, when the police arrived, they found Andy with a gun in his hand, standing over the body of Jonah Goldberg. There were signs of a struggle, powdered sugar was spread all around the break room, and the last chocolate-frosted maple log was lodged in Jonah’s mouth. Andy was quick to put the situation in perspective: “Yes, there are certainly five, or perhaps six bullets in Jonah. And they penetrated his back fat, so it’s at least conceivable that they were propelled by some sort of firearm. Maybe a Wrist-Rocket. But it’s also possible he just fell on them, or swallowed them on a dare. Reasonable minds differ on that. But however those bullets got into Jonah, they’re there, and we should learn to live with that, rather than get bogged down in a lot of guesswork and finger pointing and blame-gaming.”
If you really want to fight al Qaeda, you stay in Iraq.
The operative word here being “you.”
If you really believe al Qaeda is not in Iraq — that the real al Qaeda is only in Afghanistan and its environs — then you’re on drugs.
Andy. Bud. Taking your post as a whole, I’m assuming this accusation of hallucinogen abuse is made on the time-honored basis of It Takes One To Know One. (Totally willing to vanpool to the Dead concert in Iowa City. Call me, dude.)
But, sure, fine, “redeploy” our troops … to Afghanistan. But can we please have five seconds of honesty? You guys don’t have the slightest intention of doing that. You don’t want to go to Afghanistan. You want to go home.
And you’re gonna take your ball with you! Be honest!
When you say redploy, you mean withdraw. You don’t actually want to “focus on the terrorists who attacked us on 9/11.” You are content to bring the troops home and leave “the terrorists who attacked us on 9/11″ to build a safe-haven in Iraq even as they continue to make mayhem in Afghanistan.
This message brought to you by Projectionists Union Local 160.
You think Bush is incompetent and “his” war in Iraq is a terrible mistake? Fine. You think the price of that is that we should pull everyone out of Iraq even though we all know that will be a monumental victory for al Qaeda — geometrically abetting its future fundraising and recruiting for future terrorist attacks on America? Fine.
Okay, I may actually need more drugs than I have on hand to get through the rest of this. Nothing heavy, some ’shrooms will do, maybe a peyote button…So let me see if I catch your drift, Andy…You think that I think that a reasonable price for ending a world historical blunder which is tearing this country apart, and exacting an ongoing toll in lives and treasure is Osama bin Laden showing up in your dreams and calling you a pussy? Hm. Let me check the Magic 8-Ball…
“All Signs Point To Yes.”
But have the good grace to say so. Don’t give us this BS that you want to redeploy to fight al Qaeda, when the truth is that you want to “redeploy” to NOT fight al Qaeda.
You know, when you pull your hand out of that hole in his back, Andy’s actually kinda stupid.