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Archive for October 31st, 2008

NOW You Come Crawling Back To The Swank!

Posted by scott on October 31st, 2008

swankhead.jpg I said all along B. Hussein = Muslim

Recently, fans of Pastor Swank have noticed a reduction in his once prodigious output of punditry.  Some suspected that the pastor had vanished from his usual online haunts because he was now spending most of his time ministering to the large, if hallucinated flock who each Sunday fill his imaginary church.  Others feared he had wandered naked into the desert and choked on a locust, while still others blamed the pastor’s diminished harvest on a successful, if long overdue, adjustment in his medications.

Unfortunately, the truth is far more sinister.  For just as Sarah Palin’s enemies are trying to strip the governor of her First Amendment right to tell lies by pointing out when she’s lying, so-called “conservative” websites have been attempting to gag Pastor Swank.  But the truth will out!  If not through the mouth, then through some other orifice, but the important thing is, he was right, you were wrong, and now the humble clergyman invites you to Suck It.

When I first warned months ago that B. Hussein Obama is a mask Muslim, sites refused to post my columns, except for one particularly bold and courageous one.

That would be World O’Crap, which has a long and courageous history of passing on anything that leaps from the pastor’s febrile cranium.

I have continued to repeat the litany with multitudinous evidences. Various conservative sites have still refused to post those columns.

Not only have the housing market and most major financial institutions collapsed, but apparently the Crazy bubble has finally popped too.  Remember when you could fire up your browser and find four, five, six new columns a day by Pastor Swank?  We thought those days would never end…

Now it is quite the posh topic throughout the Internet to state that B. Hussein and wife are into the Muslim camp. Their profession of being “Christian” is a hoax. They are not that for they refute every Christ ethic in Scripture.

I know how Swank feels.  It’s like when you discover a cool new band playing some local toilet, and you talk ‘em up to your friends, and go to all their shows, and buy the t-shirts and the CD with the ugly hand-drawn cover art, and then they hit it big with the one really pop song on the album — the one you really couldn’t stand — and you turn around and suddenly they’re on Letterman, and their hit song appears on a movie soundtrack, and some soft drink company uses it in a commercial, and now when you tell people how much you dug that rocking little band with the grit and soul and most of all, integrity, they look at you like you just pledged your love to Hannah Montana.  Listen, Newbie Come Latelys, Swank was into calling the Obamas muslims when muslim-calling wasn’t cool.  That was some edgy shit in those days!

They, for instance, enthusiastically support killing womb infants as well as sodomy recognized as “marriage,” though they double-talk on the latter.

Yeah, now people give a crap, with days to go before the election.  But where were all these bandwagon-jumpers when Swank first warned about the Obamas’ plans to misuse their marriage bed by practicing a form of sodomy so powerful it would kill womb infants?!

Too many conservative sites, deriding political correctness, followed it to the letter.

Now we have the Muslim youngun coming to the fore as the potential President of the most powerful nation on Earth. That is horrendous considering that we are still so near 9 / 11. How quickly fickle voters forget.

While we’re on the subject, I notice Obama is now “the youngun” instead of “The Boy,” so I guess not everyone is immune to political correctness, eh Pastor?  Hmmm?

For the mob hysteriacs, they don’t read. They don’t heed. They could sweep this Republic enemy into office. If so, good-bye America, hello Arabs.

Wait…Pastor Swank is defecting to the Saudis?

Now with that last sentence in particular, you will note that various conservative sites refuse this column. In fact, you will not note that for this column will not come to your attention due to that very cowardly fact.

In fact, you’re not even reading this!  And he’s not really a pastor! (since, as Doghouse Riley pointed out once, there doesn’t actually appear to be a “New Hope Church” in Windham, Maine, although the town does boast 65 registered sex offenders.  Not that I’m suggesting a parallel.  It’s just one of those statistics that kind of leap out from a page that’s otherwise concerned with civic boosterism.)  Anyway, ask your doctor if Clozapine is right for you.

Nevertheless, I am a Christian. I believe the Bible to be divine revelation; therefore, I take its curses and blessings passages most seriously.

The Bible states emphatically that God does not forsake his righteous remnant. Instead, He defends them. That means that if the ungodly get into office in the White House and Congress, God will defend His grace children while at the same time bring His wrath upon the disobedient.

Great.  Not only do Catholic kids have to worry about God watching them while they masturbate, now they’ve got to try to negotiate a butterfly ballot while He’s peering over their shoulder in the voting booth!

President George W. Bush did two terrible acts in the last several years. First, he placed the Koran in the White House library with great aplomb.  [...] That Koran should have never been placed in the White House. A curse has settled upon that domain.

Not only is this grim news for America, it’s also the plot of National Treasure 3.

Christians who are truly genuine Bible disciples have been betrayed by Bush who claimed to be “one of us.” In that betrayal he gave ground to paving the way for the mask Muslim B.. Hussein and entourage to enter the White House powers.

Not only that, but Bush also told B. Hussein that if you rocket jump through the trap door in the ceiling of the Vermeil Room, there’s a ledge on left side with Power Ups and extra Armor.

Happy Halloween!

Posted by scott on October 31st, 2008

Fun, Do It Yourself costume ideas from our friends at Mystery Science Theater:

Non-fun, totally unappreciated costume ideas from our ex-friends, The Cats:

moondoggiechicken.jpg  rileyspines.jpg