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Archive for August 24th, 2009

Top Ten Google Searches

Posted by scott on August 24th, 2009

Welcome to our occasional series in which we attempt to answer the burning Google queries bringing the inquisitive to World O’ Crap.

1.  Would Mandingo hurt a woman?

Well, I’m a man, and it stung like hell when I watched it.  Unless of course the Googler is a woman who’s considering having sex with the title character of Mandingo — the slave, Ganymede — and is just doing a little pre-bedding vetting. In that case, all I can say is that he seemed nice enough, so it really comes down to patience and adequate lubrication.

2.  Economic undertones abba song

I’m glad to see this revival of interest in Nordic disco and neo-classical economics.  As many readers will recall, the Swedish super group ABBA were primarily famous for their pop songs about mid-70s stagflation.  Perhaps their most explicitly macroeconomic dance tracks appeared on their 1975 self-titled album — in particular the song Bang-A-Boomerang, a favorite of Chicago School economists, which passionately argued for a strict adherence to Friedman-style monetarism, with lyrics such as “Every feeling your showing/Is a boomerang you’re throwing” (a clear reference to rational choice theory).

3.  Does gut shot to cat kill it

Well, Jim-Bob, I regret to say that yes, it does seem likely.  So might I recommend that you stop looking to Google for a solution, put on the safety, and take your cat to the goddamned vet!  Even if it does make you late to the health care town hall.

4.  Is love putting up with someones crap

Ah, now that’s a question for the Ages, Googler.  But if you’re talking about the love between a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or two women and a draft pick to be named later, then yes, that’s a pretty good definition.  If you’re talking about the love between, say, a woman and her Bichon Frise, then love is mostly picking up someone’s crap.

5.  gay fuck of model world in Chinese

This is the sexually explicit and ultra violent Category III Hong Kong movie that was later remade by Wayne Wang as Maid in Manhattan.

6.  public hair peeping

…is the top online porn fetish site in Saudi Arabia.  It offers a product similar to those Japanese “upskirt” videos, except the Saudi pornographers focus their hidden cameras on the hijabs of passersby, hoping to catch a glimpse of a woman’s hairline.  Or, on windy days, even a forbidden peek of a veiled matron’s unbleached mustache.

7.  lane bryant chubbies

Much like “Victoria Secret Stiffies,” the Chubby is a physiological reaction men can experience when flipping through the Lane Bryant catalog — especially the provocative pictorial on page 43 for “the Cacique Back Smoothing Bra.”

8.  do girls get boners

I’m beginning to think these Abstinence Only sex education courses aren’t worth all the money we’ve been pouring into them.

9.  mr poppin fresh

In 1970, Pillsbury briefly dropped its longtime mascot, freeing him up to at last pursue his dream project.  It was a grim, violent crime drama entitled They Call Me MISTER Poppin Fresh!, and is remembered today primarily for its gritty New York locations, and a scene in a dark, rainy alley where Poppin Fresh is beaten to a pulp by a gang of mobsters who become increasingly enraged and brutal when he giggles every time they punch him in the gut.

10.  Old men fuck old men

And if you don’t mind, we’d like to keep it that way.  It just seems like a really good system.