• Hey! We're on Twitter!

  • Buy The Book!



    Click to Buy The Mug

    Buy The Book

Archive for August 13th, 2009

I’ll Show You Amateurs How to Teabag!

Posted by scott on August 13th, 2009

elliswashington.jpg Ellis Washington, Professor of Man-Crush Studies at Chuck and Buck Community College, has been lingually laving Michael Weiner’s Savage Sack for several months now, in what could only be described as a pure and selfless act of love.  But today the prof’s oral offering, while equally unrequited, is purely professional, as he puckers up for the wrinkly poultice of World Net Daily founder and Big Birther, Joseph Farah.

Joseph Farah, my friend

This is a tribute article to my boss and my friend, Joseph Farah, who is the founder and CEO of WorldNetDaily, the leading independent news source on the Net.

Although I have never formally met Joseph Farah, I am intimately acquainted with the man through reading his daily columns, whose intellectual depth makes me feel like I am having a marvelous dialogue with a long lost friend who is now found.

Remember Bob Allen, that Florida State Senator who was busted when he offered to pay an undercover cop $20 if he’d let Bob blow him in a public toilet?

I don’t know what made me just think of that.  Anyway…

Although personally I have never spoken one word to this man, I feel that I know him better than many of my own relatives, people I attend church with, or even those with whom I grew up back in the day.

When he was a child, Ellis’ imaginary friend filed a restraining order against him.

“Ellis, if you never have met or spoken to Joseph Farah, how can you call him your friend?” I’m glad you asked.

We didn’t, but I think we see the key to your successful relationship with Farah — you do both voices.  Kind of like Norman Bates.

In a 2007 article, “Obscurity was good for me,” I recalled my first encounter with Joseph…

Ten years ago, Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily, had the vision, courage and intellect to start WND, and it has flourished exceedingly and abundantly. For 10 years, it was my daily bread as I wrote books nobody purchased or read.

I admire the “Professor’s” asceticism, since I doubt I could live on nothing but a diet of World Net Daily.  Although, considering the amount of shit it produces, it is high in fiber.

A few weeks ago, at this most commendable milestone of WorldNetDaily’s 10th anniversary, I received a note from Joseph Farah asking me to join the publication as a commentator. I did not give him time to change his mind, and I promptly accepted.

Joseph recently told me that for years he had watched my career grow from afar and had admired my work. (His unwritten words were that he knew that I had potential, but it wasn’t time yet).

And I’m sure when it’s time to move on, Farah will give you a glowing, if unwritten letter of recommendation.

My weekly column is called: “The Report from Washington” – the same title God put in my heart exactly 25 years ago!

And Joseph made it come true!  Wow, he’s like Michael Landon’s weepy, mullet-wearing angel in “Highway to Heaven”!

While I don’t want this tribute article to become unduly fawning

Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so…

…I really want the reader to understand how grateful I am to Joseph Farah and to WND for giving me, a unknown black American, a chance to be a weekly commentator for this invaluable news source after being in Sisyphus obscurity as an unknown writer and thinker since 1983, when I wrote my first serious articles on aesthetics and political philosophy.

Was Sisyphus primarily known for his obscurity?  I thought he was famous for having one of those pointless, make-work, WPA-style stimulus jobs, but apparently he’s so obscure he doesn’t even rate being turned into an adjective.

It was February 2007 when Farah by chance saw some sample articles I had sent to editors at WND as part of my application to be a commentator there and decided to publish them.

So Farah accidentally pulled one of your unsolicited screeds off the slush pile, probably while reaching for a paperclip or a breath mint?  Well, it makes more sense that than earlier crap about him watching over you from a distance like Obi Wan watching Luke grow up on Tatooine.

It was Farah working years as a professional journalist and editor at the Los Angeles Herald Examiner and the Sacramento Union that gave him the discerning eye to recognize new, untapped talent.

If you do say so yourself.

Without Farah’s support, I think I would still be unknown to the state-controlled media, the law academy, the GOP, the RNC and conservative writers who claim they want to “help the disenfranchised.”

Yes.  Before, none of those people knew you existed.  Now, they actually have to ignore you.  It’s a clear moral victory.

Before I had met Joseph, I literally sent thousands of e-mails and hundreds of letters with my articles and books attached literally begging managing editors, think tanks, TV executives, Christian ministers, academics, scholars, intellectuals, the GOP and conservative media demigods to give me a chance; to interview me, print some of my work or mention my books on politics, the Supreme Court, constitutional law, culture and society. Their response over the past 26 years … NOTHING!

And Jody Foster never answered your letters!

Joseph Farah and WND have been on the cutting edge of many stories that other media entities either are too afraid to report or too apathetic to be interested in. Farah has distinguished himself through WND to go where no media entity has gone before (to paraphrase the intro to the “Star Trek” TV show).

Yes, even some WND readers aren’t sufficiently cutting edge that they’re hip to a 43 year old pop culture reference.

If you doubt me, pick any controversial story possessing substantive news interest, gravitas, constitutional or cultural issues, and chances are WND has either broken the story wide open or has been the lone wolf to continue the story long after other media entities have moved on:

  • The story of conservative radio host Michael Savage being blacklisted on May 5 by Great Britain in collusion with America and the Obama administration;
  • President Obama’s failure to provide definitive proof of his natural born citizenship according to Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the U.S. Constitution;
  • Farah alone continues defending himself against universal blacklisting and vicious libel and slander leveled against his name by socialist radicals and the state-controlled media for 12 years since his cofounding of WorldNetDaily with his dear wife, Elizabeth.

In conclusion, Joseph Farah is a man’s man. He is fearless and is loyal only to God, America and the truth…

Yes, but what mythological or historical hero does he bear a resemblance to that only you can see?  Michael Savage is Prometheus and Captain Dreyfus.  You’re Sisyphus this week.  Even Obama got to be Emmanuel Goldstein from 1984.  You ask me, Farah ain’t getting his 20 bucks worth here.

Exceeding gratitude to you, Joseph Farah, and to all the editors, writers and staff at WorldNetDaily for being a clarion voice of Veritas (truth), when all other voices have either been silenced or compromised.

You know, whenever my quarterly review came up, I’d just pad my timesheets.