Over at Pajamas Media, Roger Kimball makes a plea for a dignified public discourse by comparing Obama’s town hall meetings to the Two Minute Hate from Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four.  Long time readers will recognize this as just the kind of fresh, but informed commentary one would expect from a serious critic and thinker, the co-editor of the New Criterion, and a man whose signature bow ties invariably evoke the gravitas of an Orville Redenbacher.

Channeling your inner Goldstein: Obama’s Renewable Two Minute Hate Fest

Readers of George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four will remember the character Emmanuel Goldstein, Enemy of the People. [...]

Every day at 11:00, work would stop as people congregated around the ubiquitous two-way telescreens for the ritual two-minute hate…

In his inaugural address in January, Barack Obama promised to put “an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics.”

I hope you’ve noticed how free from petty grievances, false promises, recriminations, and worn out dogmas public discourse has been since that glorious new dawn, 20 January 2009.

What, you haven’t noticed the promised political metanoia? Confidentially, I haven’t either. And I suspect at least part of the reason was dramatized by Orwell’s dystopian novel. The Obama administration and its PR enablers are addicted to blaming others for their own difficulties and failures.

Although Bush had eight years to fuck up the country, Roger has decided that Obama only gets eight months to straighten it all out — even though Roger has had over half a century to master that bow tie knot and hasn’t quite managed it.  I guess it’s sort of the same rule that applies with stabbings: if you shank some dude in the back, I think we can all agree that he’s morally entitled to point the finger at you.  But if he survives, and a year later he’s still holding you responsible for that lost kidney, well that’s just playing the blame game.

The President likes to refer the economic crisis as a “mess” that he inherited from George Bush. But how does explain that the deficit was some $400 billion under President Bush and is projected to be about $2 trillion — $2 trillion — this year?

He doesn’t explain it. He blames others, especially President Bush.

Exactly.  Say you’re standing at the top of a cliff, admiring the view, and George W. Bush comes by and gives you a push — that’s not fatal, people push kids on swingsets all the time, all he did was give you a little horizontal momentum.  If at some point subsequent to this incident you happen to wind up dead and broken on the rocks below, then I’m sorry pal, but your beef is with gravity.

What was unseemly in January is almost risible now. When will Obama take responsibility for failures that occur on his watch?

Well, Bush had been in office for a month longer when 9/11 happened, so presumably you think August is still well within the Presidential probationary period.

This is where Emmanuel Goldstein comes in…Orwell’s two-minute hate fests provide an uncomfortable analogue to the Obama administration’s amalgam of compulsory virtue and its inevitable concomitant: scapegoats. (Those who notice that “Goldstein” is a Jewish name might wish to ponder the Obama administration’s policies towards Israel.)

I must have missed the speech where Obama called Bush a “rootless cosmopolitan.”

For reasons I have never completely understood, George Bush is the scapegoat-in-chief, the Emmanuel Goldstein of the piece.

Maybe it’s because he traipsed around with “Commander-in-Chief” embroidered on every article of clothing?

It’s like Bush’s mom sent him to camp and didn’t want him to wind up wearing some other kid’s underpants.

I’m sure you’ve seen it in action. And no doubt you’ve noticed that it is infectious. Consider, if you will, the extraordinary reaction the very name “Sarah Palin” elicits.

I have to give Roger credit for cojones, or cluelessness, because he stops his column cold at this point to demonstrate the veracity of his political insights…by linking to a piece from last September, the bulk of which he spent gloating over McCain-Palin’s ineluctable victory:

What worries me is how the Left is going cope come the election. Their hysteria about Sarah Palin simultaneously shows that they know deep down that something has gone terribly wrong with Obama’s Children’s “Yes-we-can” Crusade and that they are unable to acknowledge the damage. Their hysteria signals both their panic and their blindness. I predict that on the morning of that fateful day in early November they are going to be like Pauline Kael the day after the 1972 election when Richard Nixon won 49 states: “How could that be?” a bewildered Kael asked. “I don’t know a single person who voted for Nixon.” The disillusionment this time will be even more bitter. I suggest that caring Republicans consider establishing emergency telephone hotlines and outpatient trauma centers in demographically susceptible areas–New York City, for example, Ann Arbor, all of the states of Massachusetts and Vermont, etc.–in order to cope with the shock that their burst bubble will undoubtedly cause.

I admit a certain curiosity about the tone of the Kimball household last November 5th.  Perhaps the residents adopted a general mood of good humored fatalism, I don’t know; but I’m pretty sure that at some point during the morning, while his eggs were cooling and his cup of cocoa developing a skin, Roger had the single most jarring revelation of his life, when he discovered that it’s nearly impossible to hang yourself with a bow tie.

Revenge of the Nerds | 23 Comments »

NOTE:  Comments are working again.  Our apologies for the inconvenience.

Our old friend Bill S. has once again generously used his vacation time to hunt down some previously undiscovered species of wingnut.  Here’s his field report:

Before I return back to work (Stomping my feet and whining, “I don’t wanna!”) I thought I’d share a discovery I made last week: Parcbench.  It appears to be a mainstream entertainment and pop culture site — there’s even a style section, with sample titles that include “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night!” and “D.O.G. (Death of the Gladiator Sandel).”
But then I ran across this little gem, reporting on an incident at the Teen Choice Awards:

Dane Cook was booed at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards on Sunday after joking, “Vanessa Hudgens! Girl, you gotta keep your clothes on!” He was referring to the second nude picture of Vanessa Hudgens that was leaked onto the Internet recently.

Dane, don’t you know that you almost got attacked by hundreds of teenage girls because they hold their pop icons higher than liberals hold their Messiah, Obama? We’re glad you were able to escape with your life.

Now that’s some creative wingnuttery, and it gives me an idea for another Wo’C contest.  But more on that in a moment…

The author also misquoted Cook; what he actually said was, “Girl, you gots to keep yo’ clothes on!” I was going to link to video footage to illustrate this, but I think we’ve all suffered enough, haven’t we?

In addition to its many other charms, this site offers up movie reviews, and since I’ve reviewed movie reviews here in the past (I was going to link to them but I think we’ve all suffered enough, haven’t we?), I thought I’d have a look at Chris Yogerst’s critique of the box-office hit G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra.  I should confess that, as of this writing, I have not seen the movie and its HoYay! title notwithstanding, I have very little interest in seeing it. In the first place, I’ve always had rather mixed feelings about Channing Tatum. I think it’s because his name makes me think of Carol Channing and Tatum O’Neal, a combination too horrifying to think about. In the second place I’m not a fan of live-action movies based on old cartoons or toys, and this movie is both. That’s a more unfortunate combo than the lead actor’s name.  But whereas my expectations for the film arer low, Chris seems shocked! to learn that:

G.I. JOE IS AWFUL

Gi: Joe: The Rise of the Cobra is a watered down version of the Joe that we once knew.

I knew it as a doll that was, sadly, anatomically incomplete, and as a crappy cartoon that began airing in 1985.

The film was marketed as if it could be a pro-American “hoorah” kind of action film. Watching this film, I kept forgetting it was GI Joe. Then, I remembered an angry feeling came over me. How could they ruin GI Joe?

When there’s no place to go but up?

John Nolte said it best: “If it wasn’t for resentment I wouldn’t have felt anything.”

He just summed up every wingnut pundit who ever got a column published.

The end of the film leaves a door open for a sequel; in case Hollywood wants to offend America again (we can bet on that!) If Paramount green lights a sequel, let’s hope Michael Bay directs it. He may be a lot of things…

A hack, a douchebag, the Antichrist…

…but one thing he would never do is strip the patriotism from GI Joe.

Storytelling and character development maybe, but patriotism? Eh, not so much.

As a youngster in the early 1980′s, I remember loving the GI Joe cartoon and action figures immensely. ‘GO JOE” rings through my head.

Oh, that’s just too sad to make fun of.

There is nothing wrong with a group of people from different backgrounds working together, which is what our armed forces are anyway. But why can’t GI Joe still be an all American dream team?

Well — this is just a guess, mind you — perhaps it’s because a multimillion dollar movie might sell better in foreign markets if it were a little more universal in its appeal.

Everything American has been stripped from GI Joe and what we have is a melting pot of politically correct garbage.

Uh…dude? Grow up. Please. You put way too much thought into this. Look, I have fond memories of the Saturday morning cartoons I watched as a kid, but if I learned that there was going to be an expensive, live-action adaptation of Hong Kong Phooey, I think I’d probably just shrug and go, “Well, there’s a waste of time and money.”

I guess the site has a ways to go before it matches Big Hollywood, but there’s some definite potential here.

Now, back to that slam at liberals and Obama in the Teen Choice Awards story…Yes, it was an amazingly bizarre non sequitur, but I think that we, the readers and staff of World O’ Crap, can do better; so I propose a writing contest: find a bit of lite news that has absolutely nothing to do with the President, or political issues of any kind, and find a way to connect it to the wingnut outrage de jour.

What do you think?

–Bill S.

Contests | 20 Comments »

Erick Erickson is “a Deacon at Vineville Presbyterian Church and maintains his bar license.”  He’s also the “managing editor” of Redstate.com, a small-time Georgia ward-heeler, and a scion of the cherry small cigar empire.  But more than that, he’s a magician who can conjure outrage out of thin air, much as a chronic masturbator can summon an orgasm at will.

No links, except to Valerie Jarrett’s Wikipedia bio.   So how do we really know that “Ms. Jarrett’s flight had an Army Private in uniform on the plane” and that “she clearly saw him”?  Because the Georgia Peach told us so.  And you can trust him too, because Erick (Small Cigar) Erickson once saw Jim Nabors standing in line at the Cinnabon in the Hartsfield-Jackson Airport and went out of his way to thank the man for his service in the United States Marine Corps.

Speaking of small cigars, here’s proof that in the 70s looked like a porn film.

In other news…When we last looked in on the Astute Bloggers, they were having trouble grasping the concept that summer in the Northern Hemisphere means winter in the Southern Hemisphere, and lovers of low comedy will be happy to hear that they’ve now brought the same neutron star-like density to their thoughtful analysis of health care.

Liberals love to make the following argument: “Europeans spend half what we do per year – per capita. And they live longer.  We spend twice as much – and have 46 million uninsured.”

Hm, no link again.  So is that a quote, or is it just an “air” quote?

They say this to promote SOCIALSM and the takeover of 1/7th of our economy.

Exactly.  From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.  And apparently, one of those working class parasites needed an extra “I,” so SOCIALSM had to make the sacrifice.

It’s WRONG; it’s based on errors, fallacies and lies.

And lions, tigers and bears, which leave Reliapundit feeling bewitched, bothered, and bewildered.

ERROR 1 – conflating health insurance with health care.Every person in the USA is entitled to healthcare in a hospital regardless of his ability to pay – IT’S FEDERAL LAW. All hospitals which accept federal tax dollars for support – and almost every single one does – must treat EVERYONE. LIBERALS ARE WRONG OR LYING WHEN THEY SAY OR IMPLY AMERICANS AREN’T GETTING HEALTHCARE.

Lack of insurance doesn’t mean lack of care.

It just means no care unless you’re hemorrhaging from a gunshot wound — it’s such a great loophole it’s a wonder more people don’t go without health insurance!  After all, whenever you do show up with, say, blood in your stool from that ulcer you’ve been ignoring because you can’t afford to see a doctor unless you’re dying, they’ll promptly treat you after five or six hours of waiting because you’re possibly dying.  And then they’ll bill you — or your survivors — thousands of dollars for it, ensuring that everyone — not just middle class people who think they have adequate insurance — can go bankrupt and lose their homes due to medical bills.  That, my friend, is a little thing we like to call “equality.”

ERROR 2 – conflating per capita/per year spending and average life-spans with efficiency of public health.

People die.

Every single one.

Sooner – or later.

If the French health care system is so great, how come they’re not immortal?  How come people in England still die?  Huh?

Okay, admittedly some of their Scottish Highlanders don’t die, but you can still kill them by cutting their heads off, and I bet the NHS doesn’t insure against “loss of Quickening.”

This doesn’t always have to do with healthcare.

Sometimes it has to do with jumping out of an airplane with an improperly packed parachute, or going hunting with Dick Cheney.

(AND IT DOESN’T HAVE TO DO WITH HEALTHCARE INSURANCE COMPANIES REAPING HUGE PROFITS BY CHARGING A LOT AND DENYING CARE – AS THE LIBERALS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE! THEIR PROFITS ARE ONLY ABOUT 2%!)

Actually, it’s 2 to 10%.  “The top five earning insurance companies averaged profits of $1.56 billion in 2008 and reported spending an average of “more than 18 percent of their revenues on marketing, administration, and profits.” That year, CEO compensation for these companies ranged from $3 million to $24 million.”

Length of years has a lot to do with OBESITY AND DIET. And VIOLENCE.

We don’t need health insurance.  We’re fat and violent, we’re doomed anyway!

A group of people which has MORE fat people with bad diets who shoot at each other will have shorter life-spans than a group of people who are slimmer, eat better and shoot each other less.

Exactly.  Insuring morons like us is like playing Russian roulette with five loaded chambers.

(ALSO: The USA counts extreme preemies who die within months as DEATHS where in many European nations they do not; they call them failed pregnancies. This makes our nation’s infant mortality rate higher and average life-span shorter.)

Of course, if you count “under five” survival rates, we’re still 33rd in the developed world, behind Iceland, Cuba, and Cyprus.

And a group of people which cares more about its health and is MORE NEUROTIC about its health and appearance will spend more on its healthcare OVERALL – BY PURCHASING MORE SERVICES – than a group of people who do not, OR WHO CANNOT BECAUSE THEIR HEALTHCARE IS SOCIALIZED!

It only seems like we pay more for health care because we buy so many more boob jobs than Slovenia.

WE SPEND MORE IN PART BECAUSE WE CAN!

I thought about getting a new radiator so the car would stop overheating, but finally decided I’d really rather spend the money on subsidizing a new Blue Shield call center in Lahore.

• Error 3 – We spend more per capita per year than Europeans because of the unbridled greed of unbridled insurance companies and unbridled pharmaceuticals.
  

Liberals are essentially arguing that we spend more because a lot goes into the pockets of insurers and not to doctors and nurses or actual care.

This is a lie.

As I wrote above, insurance companies do not make very large profits. That’s just a plain simple truth.

As one can see from your extensive links and documentation.

And pharma companies spend BILLIONS developing a SINGLE drug and many do not pass muster. To pay for the research which leads to life-saving and life-extending medicine, they need a high return on the drugs which do pass muster.

After Pfizer developed Viagra, Eli Lily had to spend billions to create Cialis, or they would have been left holding the short end of the stick.

Killing Big Pharma would NOT kill greedy capitalists; it would be committing GENOCIDE against people who need new drugs to be developed.

Remember:  More people with health insurance means fewer people able to afford drugs.

• Our healthcare system is great.

• Our doctors and nurses are the best.

• Our pharmaceutical industry is fantastic.

• REPEAT: Our healthcare system is great.

Hey!  That one guy in the back isn’t repeating the slogans!  Beat the crap out of him!  Then he can see how great our healthcare system is firsthand.

We mustn’t let the Democrats and the vultures and parasites they represent destroy it.

When your child asks, “what did you do in the war against health reform, Daddy?” you can look her in the eye and say, “Honey, I protected insurance company profits, and the erectile dysfunction drugs of tomorrow.”  And then you can explain to her that her underpants are full of blood because — even though she’s only six years old — the milk she drinks is laced with hormones thanks to Big Pharma, so it’s probably just the onset of menses, and there’s really no reason to go down to the E.R. and wait twelve hours to get misdiagnosed by an exhausted intern.  Instead, let’s just…

REPEAT:  Our healthcare system is great.

Ahhh…I feel better already.

Really? | 19 Comments »

Moondoggie:  I hope nobody slams a door, or that’s gonna be one big black avalanche of cat ass.

Wild Things | 4 Comments »

We’re adding a new blog to the roll: Margaret and Helen.  It’s a conversation between a pair of octogenerian gals who are fed up with all the stupidity they see around them, and who’ve taken to calling “bullshit” in the most doily-draped, ladylike fashion.  Here’s a sample of the latest post: I remember an America where black men didn’t grow up to be President.

I remember that America.  In that America people screaming at public gatherings were called out for what they were – an angry mob.   Of course, they wore sheets to cover up their bad hair.  Let’s be clear about something:  if you show up to a town hall meeting with a gun strapped to your leg, the point you are trying to make isn’t a good one.  Fear never produced anything worthwhile.

And what’s all this crap about killing your grandmother?  Are you people honestly that stupid?  This has become less an argument about healthcare reform and more a statement about our failed education system.  Margaret, I don’t know what plans you’ve made up there with Howard, but down here with Harold, we have living wills to determine how we will leave this world when the time comes.  Mine states that unless the feeding tube is large enough for a piece of pie, I don’t want to be hooked up to it.  Harold, of course, says his can only be connected to him if the other end is connected to a bottle of single malt scotch.

The entries below are well worth the scroll.  For instance, the post entitled Sarah Palin Called a Family Meeting and the Rabbit Lived…

Margaret, I watched Sarah Palin’s resignation speech and all I have to say is, “What the hell was that?”   My God that woman is an idiot.  I have said this before, but I feel the need to say it again.  Her problems did not come because the media was against her.  Her problems come because every time you stick a microphone in front of her mouth a whole lot of stupid falls out.

Things are getting tough and once again she is trying to hide behind that dysfunctional family of hers.  She actually stood there and talked about how the Palins had a family meeting and everyone agreed it was time for her to step down as Governor.   Well, I call bullshit.  The only family meetings the Palins have usually involve someone peeing on an early pregnancy test stick.

They don’t post daily, but a couple of salty old gals who personally experienced a good chunk of the 20th century offers a perspective, if not an antidote, to the historiography of scholars like Amity Shlaes and Jonah Goldberg.

h/t to The feed.

People We Like | 9 Comments »

I tweaked my back out again today, and couldn’t seem to summon up the stoicism necessary to pick through the rightwing blogdump, even with the aid of Afghan-grade opiates.  So here’s five pictures of Hollywood, each worth up to 1000 words* of wingnut-mocking prose.

*Estimated street value.

(more…)

For No Good Reason | 5 Comments »

Ellis Washington, Professor of Man-Crush Studies at Chuck and Buck Community College, has been lingually laving Michael Weiner’s Savage Sack for several months now, in what could only be described as a pure and selfless act of love.  But today the prof’s oral offering, while equally unrequited, is purely professional, as he puckers up for the wrinkly poultice of World Net Daily founder and Big Birther, Joseph Farah.

Joseph Farah, my friend

This is a tribute article to my boss and my friend, Joseph Farah, who is the founder and CEO of WorldNetDaily, the leading independent news source on the Net.

Although I have never formally met Joseph Farah, I am intimately acquainted with the man through reading his daily columns, whose intellectual depth makes me feel like I am having a marvelous dialogue with a long lost friend who is now found.

Remember Bob Allen, that Florida State Senator who was busted when he offered to pay an undercover cop $20 if he’d let Bob blow him in a public toilet?

I don’t know what made me just think of that.  Anyway…

Although personally I have never spoken one word to this man, I feel that I know him better than many of my own relatives, people I attend church with, or even those with whom I grew up back in the day.

When he was a child, Ellis’ imaginary friend filed a restraining order against him.

“Ellis, if you never have met or spoken to Joseph Farah, how can you call him your friend?” I’m glad you asked.

We didn’t, but I think we see the key to your successful relationship with Farah — you do both voices.  Kind of like Norman Bates.

In a 2007 article, “Obscurity was good for me,” I recalled my first encounter with Joseph…

Ten years ago, Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily, had the vision, courage and intellect to start WND, and it has flourished exceedingly and abundantly. For 10 years, it was my daily bread as I wrote books nobody purchased or read.

I admire the “Professor’s” asceticism, since I doubt I could live on nothing but a diet of World Net Daily.  Although, considering the amount of shit it produces, it is high in fiber.

A few weeks ago, at this most commendable milestone of WorldNetDaily’s 10th anniversary, I received a note from Joseph Farah asking me to join the publication as a commentator. I did not give him time to change his mind, and I promptly accepted.

Joseph recently told me that for years he had watched my career grow from afar and had admired my work. (His unwritten words were that he knew that I had potential, but it wasn’t time yet).

And I’m sure when it’s time to move on, Farah will give you a glowing, if unwritten letter of recommendation.

My weekly column is called: “The Report from Washington” – the same title God put in my heart exactly 25 years ago!

And Joseph made it come true!  Wow, he’s like Michael Landon’s weepy, mullet-wearing angel in “Highway to Heaven”!

While I don’t want this tribute article to become unduly fawning

Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so…

…I really want the reader to understand how grateful I am to Joseph Farah and to WND for giving me, a unknown black American, a chance to be a weekly commentator for this invaluable news source after being in Sisyphus obscurity as an unknown writer and thinker since 1983, when I wrote my first serious articles on aesthetics and political philosophy.

Was Sisyphus primarily known for his obscurity?  I thought he was famous for having one of those pointless, make-work, WPA-style stimulus jobs, but apparently he’s so obscure he doesn’t even rate being turned into an adjective.

It was February 2007 when Farah by chance saw some sample articles I had sent to editors at WND as part of my application to be a commentator there and decided to publish them.

So Farah accidentally pulled one of your unsolicited screeds off the slush pile, probably while reaching for a paperclip or a breath mint?  Well, it makes more sense that than earlier crap about him watching over you from a distance like Obi Wan watching Luke grow up on Tatooine.

It was Farah working years as a professional journalist and editor at the Los Angeles Herald Examiner and the Sacramento Union that gave him the discerning eye to recognize new, untapped talent.

If you do say so yourself.

Without Farah’s support, I think I would still be unknown to the state-controlled media, the law academy, the GOP, the RNC and conservative writers who claim they want to “help the disenfranchised.”

Yes.  Before, none of those people knew you existed.  Now, they actually have to ignore you.  It’s a clear moral victory.

Before I had met Joseph, I literally sent thousands of e-mails and hundreds of letters with my articles and books attached literally begging managing editors, think tanks, TV executives, Christian ministers, academics, scholars, intellectuals, the GOP and conservative media demigods to give me a chance; to interview me, print some of my work or mention my books on politics, the Supreme Court, constitutional law, culture and society. Their response over the past 26 years … NOTHING!

And Jody Foster never answered your letters!

Joseph Farah and WND have been on the cutting edge of many stories that other media entities either are too afraid to report or too apathetic to be interested in. Farah has distinguished himself through WND to go where no media entity has gone before (to paraphrase the intro to the “Star Trek” TV show).

Yes, even some WND readers aren’t sufficiently cutting edge that they’re hip to a 43 year old pop culture reference.

If you doubt me, pick any controversial story possessing substantive news interest, gravitas, constitutional or cultural issues, and chances are WND has either broken the story wide open or has been the lone wolf to continue the story long after other media entities have moved on:

• The story of conservative radio host Michael Savage being blacklisted on May 5 by Great Britain in collusion with America and the Obama administration;
• President Obama’s failure to provide definitive proof of his natural born citizenship according to Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the U.S. Constitution;
• Farah alone continues defending himself against universal blacklisting and vicious libel and slander leveled against his name by socialist radicals and the state-controlled media for 12 years since his cofounding of WorldNetDaily with his dear wife, Elizabeth.

In conclusion, Joseph Farah is a man’s man. He is fearless and is loyal only to God, America and the truth…

Yes, but what mythological or historical hero does he bear a resemblance to that only you can see?  Michael Savage is Prometheus and Captain Dreyfus.  You’re Sisyphus this week.  Even Obama got to be Emmanuel Goldstein from 1984.  You ask me, Farah ain’t getting his 20 bucks worth here.

Exceeding gratitude to you, Joseph Farah, and to all the editors, writers and staff at WorldNetDaily for being a clarion voice of Veritas (truth), when all other voices have either been silenced or compromised.

You know, whenever my quarterly review came up, I’d just pad my timesheets.

Live from the Asylum | 31 Comments »

“Dr.” Chuck Baldwin is back under his own byline today, having gently but firmly reclaimed the bully pulpit from his son Timothy, who contributed last Sunday’s sermonette on states rights.  Some readers, after digesting the essay in question, seem to have felt that Tim proved himself less an advocate for state sovereignty, and more a Robert Stacy McCain-style neo-Confederate, a charge that Baldwin the Lesser disputes, although he does admit that while most boys his age were putting up posters of Farrah Fawcett in their rooms, he was jerking off to an equestrian figurine of Nathan Bedford Forrest.
Speaking of R.S. McCain (no link, because I think most of what he has to say about politics was better expressed in reels 9 through 12 of Birth of a Nation), this ad was on his front page the last time I visited:

It doesn’t really have anything to do with today’s topic, I just thought he and his readership should be complimented on their refreshingly uneuphemistic approach to Republican mating rituals.  Anyway, “Dr.” Baldwin is going on a dangerous expedition to discover and expose a long-buried, and perhaps deadly, secret — in many ways he’s like another heroic academic, Indiana Jones, except Indy’s doctorate was less fictional.

Why are internment camps being built?

The Internet is abuzz with news about the construction of internment camps all across America.

True.  Of course, the Internet is also abuzz with news about Salvia, the legal alternative to marijuana, which would be sweeping the nation right now if its name didn’t look at first glance like “saliva.”

Of course, “mainstream” media outlets refuse to touch the subject; or if they do, they pooh-pooh the story; they do what Glenn Beck recently did: try to debunk the story as fallacious and impugn people who speak of it as “conspiracy nuts.”

I’ve often wondered, can people like “Dr.” Baldwin and Glenn Beck call each other “conspiracy nuts” without giving or taking offense, the same way black people can address each other by the N-word?

The fact that the Becks, Hannitys, Limbaughs, and O’Reillys of the media circus refuse to deal with the construction of large numbers of internment camps does not make them disappear, however.

No, it’s the giant space-based mirrors which can selectively bend light waves that make them disappear.

For starters, all anyone need do to begin a serious investigation of the subject of internment camps is Google the phrase “FEMA Camps.”

It’s so easy, I don’t know why more people don’t conduct serious investigations like this!  The first few hits you’ll get include a YouTube video by Alex Jones, a low-wattage talk radio host known for his conspiracy theories who says the FEMA camps are actually owned and operated by the New World Order; and a site called freedomfiles which claims FEMA maintains not only “Enslavement and Concentration Camps,” but a fleet of black helicopters — the purpose of which used to baffle me until I met a pilot who explained that black is a particularly slimming look for rotor blade aircraft.

There is more than enough evidence in that search engine alone to keep one busy with some in-depth private investigation of the subject for quite a while.

It’s true that “FEMA Camps” runs up about 163,000 hits on Google, and I haven’t privately investigated each one; but judging by the top search results, they all seem to be as fond of assertion as they are indifferent to evidence.  Still, I’m not about to argue with a man who has two honorary degrees.

As people read my columns all across America…

Well…as one guy reads your column all across my desktop…

I have had numerous readers contact me, saying that they have personally witnessed the transportation of construction materials used for internment camps…

You can tell the materials aren’t for regular construction projects, because instead of oxy-acetylene welding rigs, the internment camp welders use oxy-Zyklon B.

…have actually worked in and around them, or have personally seen such camps.

They’ve also personally seen the true alien face of Obama’s brownshirts, but that’s just because they have those special welding goggles.

These eyewitness testimonies have come from very credible people, including law enforcement and military personnel, as well as airline pilots and construction workers.

And I personally can’t think of a more unimpeachable source. For instance, if you’re a woman walking past a construction site, and the hardhats whistle at you and vouchsafe that you’ve got “nice cans” and “a sweet caboose,” you know that assessment comes from a non-partisan, highly credible source.

Just a few weeks ago, I was aboard a cross-country flight when the passenger I was sitting next to (a total stranger) asked me to take a look out the window. He asked, “Do those look like internment camps to you?”

Now I make no claims to Bible scholarship, but even I know the Scriptures frown on false witness, so unless pastors are exempt from the rules on lying the same way cops are allowed to double park and run red lights, I hope that when the Reverend “Dr.” Baldwin dies, he does a better job of bullshitting Jesus.

We were flying over Colorado, over extreme wilderness terrain, and, yes, right in the middle of nowhere, the buildings and surrounding features that I saw sure looked like internment camps to me.

What a coincidence.  I see the same thing in the moisture stains on our bathroom ceiling.

Furthermore, I have had military personnel tell me that many of the US military bases that have been recently “closed” are also being prepared as large-scale “holding areas.”

It’s true!  The very same thing happened to the El Toro Marine Corps Air Base in Orange County, very close to where I grew up!  I mean, technically it was turned into the nation’s largest municipal park, but the food court looks a lot like a concentration camp when the sun’s in your eyes.

[I]t is not a little disconcerting when the same federal government that is building these internment camps begins categorizing Christians, conservatives, people who support the Second Amendment, people who oppose abortion and homosexual marriage, people who oppose the North American Union and the New World Order, people who oppose the United Nations and illegal immigration, and people who voted for Ron Paul or Chuck Baldwin as “extremists,” or “potential dangerous militia members.”

Yeah.  Listen, if the government plans to intern everyone who voted for Chuck Baldwin in the 2004 presidential election, a gulag archipelago won’t be necessary; they can all just sleep on my couch.  It’s a pull-out.

Uncategorized | 34 Comments »

Professional Paranoid Sher Zieve, has lately found herself out-crazied, by both the national brands of demagogue such as Sarah (“a death panel of dingoes ate my baby!”) Palin, and up-and-coming amateurs such as Kenneth (The Fainting Goat) Gladney.  But Sher isn’t about to let a few hand-drawn swastikas steal the limelight, not when she can come right out and say that health care reform will turn your doctor’s office into Auschwitz.

ObamaCare provides Americans healthcare in the same way that Hitler’s ovens provided the German people fresh bread.

Yes, nothing says lovin’ like something from the ovens of Hitler.  Now I suppose I get what Sher is saying here — “health care reform will reform health care.  NOT!” — but her remarkably overblown, yet trivializing analogy raises another question.  Wingnuts denounced any inquiry into possible Bush Administration war crimes as “criminalizing policy differences,” yet they feel entitled to equate actual policy differences with crimes against humanity.  So I suppose my question is — WTF?

And where are those who after World War II screamed and shouted “Never again!”?

Well, a lot of them are in Israel, enjoying universal health care.

Where are the people who lost entire families to Hitler’s Holocaust?

This is just a guess, but I imagine at least are few are currently being irked by your suggestion that an additional health insurance option is the same as being gassed, or worked to death as a slave laborer.

Can you not see the inevitable correlations of plan and purpose between then and now? If you cannot, then please actually LOOK at what is occurring.

Oh, it’s like one of those Magic Eye posters?  Okay.  Well, when I stand real close, then step back a few feet, I see a contemptible woman with no sense of decency.  And a unicorn.

Question: It’s un-American to protest our impending slavery, imprisonment and/or euthanasia under ObamaCare and other ObamaPlans?

Answer:  Bizarre conspiracy theories are as American as the roller derby, although this one gets taken out of the basement and aired in polite society a lot more often than etiquette would advise.  By the way, Sher, have you heard that the USDA is planning to force us all to work in their massive secret grandparent slaughterhouses, rendering our elderly relatives into mulch and hog feed?  It’s true.  They plan to track us down through our grocery store club cards, so if I were you I’d go off the grid and start paying retail before it’s too late!

Is the new definition of American now “supporting the Dictator Obama and his favored ones in everything they do and say — no matter how detrimental it is to human life and all things surrounding human life?”

Yes, it is, but it’s just a first draft, and I’m hoping we can tighten it up and make it a little snappier.  Maybe add some comic relief.

Get the Butterfly Net! | 17 Comments »

Our old friend Bill S. is on vacation this week, and why he decided to spend it at Townhall I couldn’t say, but he was kind enough to stop in at the Gift Shop and pick us up a lovely, handcrafted sachet full of batshit crazy.  And it’s all local catch; you can’t get it this fresh and steaming in L.A.

Take it away, Bill…

So hold your nose and keep a barf bag handy. Which, if you’re visiting the Townhall Site, you probably already did.

Not too long ago, conventional wisdom seemed to dictate that gay marriage in America was inevitable.

And then it actually became legal in four states, which proved such wisdom was correct.

But something has changed. Carrie Prejean has had an effect on us.

For some of us, that effect was nausea. For others, a desire to point and laugh.

That’s the argument made by my friend, Maggie Gallagher…

Kathryn, Maggie and Carrie. Sounds like a wingnut version of Heathers. I think we know which role each has, too.

…the gay marriage movement took a blow this past November, when proposition 8 passed in California…The sea change just may have come when pretty, empathetic face came onto the national scene.

Appearing on the Miss U.S.A. pageant in April of this year, while Prop 8 was passed in November of last year.  Time’s Arrow just took a U-turn.

A young beauty contestant was asked about her position on gay marriage…

And proceeded to toss out a garbled bit of :

“I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage  should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be between a man and a woman.”

…heterosexual culture has not done what it should to protect marriage. But our falling short-individually and culturally-is no reason to call the whole thing off and erase a cornerstone of civilized society.

Okay. For the one millionth time: allowing gay couples to legally marry will not ERASE the rights of heterosexual couples to marry. Why do people have such a hard time grasping that? Oh, and K-Lo, you do realize that what you just said was: “Just because we’ve proven that heterosexual couples aren’t better than gay couples doesn’t mean they aren’t.”

Gallagher writes: “Same-sex unions are really not just like opposite-sex unions when marriage is in question. Celebrating all forms of adult romantic love equally is not a very good justification for redefining a fundamental institution whose public purposes reach far beyond the affirmation of romance.”

Wow, it’s not every day you see someone get beaten up by their own strawman. Now, it’s possible that I’ve failed to follow her tortured line of reasoning, but I’ll try. She seems to be saying that even if gay relationships are equal to heterosexual ones, that’s irrelevant. Marriage is about legal rights that have nothing to do with the nature of a couple’s relationship. Therefore, marriage laws should be based upon…the type of relationship they’re in.

Did I get that right?

…it’s not impossible to find members of the non-heterosexual community with an ambivalent view of marriage.

Ah yes. The ambivalent are so fiercely vocal.

…fashion designer Valentino Garavani was asked if gay marriage should be legal. He answered: “For myself, all these years, I never thought about it in terms of changing the laws…I am neither for it legally, or against it, so I have no personal agenda here.”

Not particularly political, this answer can’t be taken as an outright opposition to gay marriage.

In fact, it’s so neutral, only an idiot would try to spin it that way.

But to these ears, there seems to be an acknowledgement of an inescapable truth: There is something transparently different between two men who decide to spend their lives together and a marriage.

Like I said…

And unlike the most strident advocates of gay marriage, who spent the time during and after the proposition 8 campaign intimidating  and punishing those who supported the measure…

Yeah, and the supporters of Prop 8 took the high road of lying their asses off.

…most of us who oppose gay marriage are not looking to exclude anyone from any type of happiness.

Except for the type they don’t personally approve of, even if it doesn’t take anything away from them (the footage of that marriage ceremony is quite possibly the sweetest thing I’ve watched on the internets all year.)

Carrie Prejean is now a face of that kind of tolerance. The contrast of her measured, mildly offered opinion to the angry, ugly Internet response from beauty-contestant judge Perez Hilton, who asked Prejean the fateful question, was striking.

In that his was more coherent. K-Lo seems unaware that, to most of the LGBT community, Perez is a colossal jackass, an embarrassment to us all. I can sort of understand why that’d be a hard concept to grasp for someone who maintains a friendship with Maggie Gallagher.

While Republicans were tripping over themselves to pose with the party’s Log Cabin branch…

In what frakkin’ parallel universe?

…a beauty queen made it okay to confidently acknowledge reality

Namely, that there’s a sizable chunk of Americans who are ill-informed, gullible, fearful of progress and easily impressed by anyone who affirms their prejudices, no matter how badly they express them.

…in a loving and beautiful and tolerant way.

And let’s not forget .  (Caution, the following program contains beauty queens and Hannity.  It is not intended for mature audiences.  Adolescent discretion is advised).

We leave you now with a little palate cleanser: Michael Callen’s rendition of “.”

Teh GAYZ! | 22 Comments »