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Before we begin, a heartfelt thanks to all the wonderful people who’ve contributed to the World O’ Crap Beg-A-Thon. (For the no doubt also wonderful but slightly confused folks who may be tuning in late, we’re having a fund raiser this week. Why? That’s a good question, and I feel like you deserve to know, so here’s a brief, if whiny précis of our situation.)

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Matt C. Abbott, as you may recall, is a “Catholic columnist” for RenewAmerica who has broken with the stodgy old norms of punditry, developing a syncretic form of new New Journalism that is relevant to the hip hop, mash-up generation. By that I mean that he doesn’t actually write his columns, in the manner of his dinosaur predecessors, but produces a sort of decoupage of Vatican talking points out of bits and pieces he scavenges from email, orthodox Catholic newsletters, and other peoples’ articles. But even though he’s young, Matt’s technique allows him to speak with authority, since most of his sources are dyspeptic older clerics who seem fed up with the wishy-washy modern laity, and would rather be manning the front counter of their local AutoZone-da-fé.

This solution to the age-old problem of journalism, or “having to write stuff down,” is efficient, but not without its pitfalls. Sometimes, for instance, you wind up quoting the authoritative voice of an anti-Semite with ties to Holocaust deniers, because he believes that the birth control pill turns black men into gangsters. But hey, when in Rome…And Matt must be doing something right, because he has quite a fan base in the Rhythm Method Nation. The last time we talked him up, it made the front page of a Catholic news portal, and was a hot topic on Angelqueen, a forum for the ultra-doctrinaire Catholic community, where one commenter remarked: “No offense meant to the poster of this thread, but does anyone else find the word ‘disses’ to be somewhat crude for the nature of this forum? (Methinks it is not an english word, moreso the use of eubonics, which isn’t appropriate for this forum; Just a thought).”

Later, Matt himself showed up and thanked the forum members for their “comments in defense of me (and the Church)!” So he’s both highly admired and connected. But I have to wonder if perhaps it’s all beginning to go to his head, because this week he deviates from his tried and true formula, and actually writes almost four of his column’s twelve paragraphs.

‘The Impact of Homosexual Parenting’

I recently had the pleasure of having a lengthy telephone conversation with Dawn Stefanowicz, author of the book Out from Under: The Impact of Homosexual Parenting.

Dawn has an important story to tell, particularly at a time when the homosexual lobby is making significant inroads into family life. Yes, there are, sad to say, a number of bad parents who are heterosexual. But homosexual parenting, like homosexual “marriage,” is not a good thing.

Matt himself is unmarried and childless, so you can’t say he doesn’t have the courage of his convictions. (Not to imply that he’s gay, just that he’s clearly made a commitment not to contribute to things that are not good.) Moreover, Matt doesn’t reserve his fire solely for the homosexuals. Recently he sniped at Rush Limbaugh on the occasion of his fourth nuptials: “[A]s a pro-life, pro-family Catholic, I’m disappointed in Rush. He just got married for the fourth time and even paid Elton John, the anti-Christian queen of pop-rock, a reported $1 million to perform at his wedding.”

This tongue-lashing didn’t go over terribly well with the base, and Matt was forced to defend himself and Canon Law, which still applies to you Protestants and atheists, even if you don’t believe the Pope is the boss of you!

Even though Rush is not Catholic, it doesn’t exempt him from the moral law. We’re not talking about Catholic discipline here; we’re talking about the Church’s moral teaching on divorce and remarriage. A non-Catholic probably won’t accept that teaching, but it still applies to him or her, as does the intrinsic immorality of abortion, contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation.

So allowing gays to marry and raise children causes Rush to commit sodomy. Q.E.D.

Anyway, back to Dawn (not Dawn Eden, who Matt quoted last time, and who wrote a DIY book about building yourself a brand new virginity out of old, cast-off hymens you find around the house.)

The Introduction to Out from Under is chilling:

It’s as if a cold, clammy hand was tickling your armpits.

‘Will you come with me to the end of the pier?’ Dad asks. Ordinarily there is nothing I long for more than times alone with this man I too rarely get to be with. But tonight his question fills me with foreboding. The old wooden pier stretches out into the inky blue lake to a depth where the water that laps against its weathered posts is well over my head. I’m a pretty good swimmer, but even so, his request unnerves me. It would be one thing to walk out there with a father who loved me unconditionally and could be depended on to protect me, but more and more I am coming to understand that this is not the kind of father I have.”

If your father is a homosexual, then he’ll mostly likely drown you, because that’s what Montgomery Clift did to Shelley Winters in A Place in the Sun, and he was gay!

I am nine years old, and our family is staying for a week in mid August at the cottage of some friends…While Dad helped bring us all up here and he is here this last night of our holidays, most of this week he has been unwilling to stay with us. It hasn’t been work that has called him away, but pleasure. The hard truth that all of us struggle to understand is that Dad prefers the company of other men to that of his wife and children.

Maybe it’s because the other men are less jumpy and don’t immediately assume Dad is going to kill them every time he wants to take a snapshot. But as it turns out, the joke’s on them!

A few of the transitory and violent relationships he has had with these men have ended in their suicides.

I totally believe you, Dawn. Why, add in a couple of Hairy Navels and the Collector’s Edition DVD of Liza with a “Z”, and that’s your average weekend on Fire Island.

Though I cannot help but love him, I am starting to see that my father is a very dangerous man. If he can behave so abominably toward those men he professes to love, then what might he do to those he does not love, like us?

Well, he might not drive you to suicide. In fact, if everyone my father loved offed themselves, I might consider taking a break from our relationship and seeing other Dads.

‘Dawn, will you come with me to the end of the pier?’ he asks again. ‘So I can get a picture?’ I hadn’t noticed the camera before.

Water…Camera…Run, Dawn! It’s An American Tragedy all over — but gayer!

We proceed along the boardwalk of sun-bleached boards, and about three-quarters of the way out he stops and waves me out to the very end. Out this far the boards don’t feel as solid as I’d like, but I want to please him and so I go out to perch on the very last one and turn around to face him. ‘That’s fine; stay there,’ he calls, framing the shot as I gingerly kneel down on one knee, holding the front paws of our Chihuahua, Skipper, who — just as nervous as I am — carefully balances on his hind legs. The picture taken, Dad immediately and wordlessly turns and walks away, leaving me alone and afraid in this precarious place to which he’s invited me. This is the story of my life.

Wow. And I thought I’d had an abusive childhood. Anyway, Matt is so moved by Dawn’s story that he actually writes some more.

And it’s been a difficult life for Dawn — then and now. She has to face the wrath of gay activists

…who get irrationally angry when you suggest that gay parents neglect their children in favor of using an Instamatic and fornicating with the suicidal.

…and a less-than-friendly government (she resides in Canada). But she’s up to the task.

You know, I’ve liked almost every Canadian I’ve ever met, but maybe we’re building that border fence in the wrong place.

In her book’s Preface, Dawn writes: “The purpose in writing this book is to deliver an open, honest, and balanced account of what it was like growing up with a homosexual father and a weak, subservient mother.

If only her mother had been a bull dyke, Dawn’s home life probably would have been much more stable, and Mom would have seen that she got a real dog instead of that Chihuahua.

As a child, I struggled to deal with all the vivid and explicit sexual experiences, conflicts, and confusion I faced within this family setting.”

I would have been fine if my dad had been gay, but I would have drawn the line at him having sex on my Twister set with men who’d later go hang themselves in the bonus room.

Despite the many troubling and emotionally damaging situations she encountered while growing up, Dawn writes that she “will always love” her father, who died in 1991.

…thus neatly avoiding some awkward, post-publication silences at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

“In writing this book, my aim is not to hurt his name or reputation in any way.”

Well, you did imply he raised a panicky nitwit.

“Rather, I would like to honor him”

Mission Accomplished, honey.

31 Responses to “Egad! A Gay Dad!”

So, apparently the point of the book is that homosexuality should be accepted, and gay marriage should be legal, so that people like her closeted father won’t feel compelled to enter into a loveless marriage end up trying to take candid photos of chihuahuas pushing their children off of piers. Right? I mean, what other conclusion could a rational person draw from this account? Oops… “rational person,” right. Never mind.

“Honor” him?
I do not think that word means what she thinks it means.
Of course, it’s easy to trash the reputation of someone who’s been dead for nearly 20 years and isn’t able to defend himself. And, assuming she was an adult when he died, we’re talking about someone who grew up in the ’50’s or early ’60’s, before there was a gay rights movement or any kind of enlightened attitude towards LGBT people. He was from a generation of gay men who were conditioned to be self-loathing, without the help of the Catholic church.

Yeah. I don’t really get how this is an indictment of homosexual marriage or parenthood. I mean, this woman is a product of a heterosexual marriage!

This is really an indictment against remaining closeted and attempting to conform to a religious norm and how it can cause psychological damage to someone denying their nature.

On the other hand, if dad was a lesbian Dawn would have been happier and better adjusted so it all ends up about even.

If your father is a homosexual, then he’ll mostly likely drown you, because that’s what Montgomery Clift did to Shelley Winters in A Place in the Sun, and he was gay!

Best laugh I’ve had all week.

I doubt that Matt has ever seen the Homosexual Lobby. If he had, he wouldn’t be “dissing” it. It is actually the best decorated lobby in the Capitol.

would rather be manning the front counter of their local AutoZone-da-fé.

Truthfully, I hate you.

‘The Impact of Homosexual Parenting’

(subtitled: Bumping Phuglies)

Dawn has an important story to tell, particularly at a time when the homosexual lobby is making significant inroads into family life.

Well, it has to be better decorated than the lobby at the New York Archdiocese, which is basically Brancusi by way of the Politburo.

A non-Catholic probably won’t accept that teaching, but it still applies to him or her, as does the intrinsic immorality of abortion, contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation.

TRANSLATION: Luther was a fuckhead.

‘Will you come with me to the end of the pier?’ Dad asks. Ordinarily there is nothing I long for more than times alone with this man I too rarely get to be with. But tonight his question fills me with foreboding.

Maybe it’s the gimp mask in his hand.

I am nine years old, and our family is staying for a week in mid August at the cottage of some friends…While Dad helped bring us all up here and he is here this last night of our holidays, most of this week he has been unwilling to stay with us.

After reading Dawn’s work, I can only ask…CAN YOU BLAME HIM????

The hard truth that all of us struggle to understand is that Dad prefers the company of other men to that of his wife and children.

Oh.

Wait. Does she mean he goes and drinks with his buddies and watches NASCAR and belches, in a totally manly way and please ignore the hand in his lap, or does she mean the icky way?

A few of the transitory and violent relationships he has had with these men have ended in their suicides.

He’s that good a fuck?

Though I cannot help but love him, I am starting to see that my father is a very dangerous man. If he can behave so abominably toward those men he professes to love, then what might he do to those he does not love, like us?

I’d hire a family taster, if I was Dawn.

That’s fine; stay there,’ he calls, framing the shot as I gingerly kneel down on one knee, holding the front paws of our Chihuahua, Skipper, who — just as nervous as I am — carefully balances on his hind legs.

He probably figures Dad wants to Santorumize him.

Um, by the way, wouldn’t a chihuahua named Skipper have been the first clue ol’ Dad wasn’t, you know…?

And it’s been a difficult life for Dawn — then and now. She has to face the wrath of gay activists

…at the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll aawayyyyyyyy o/~

I would have drawn the line at him having sex on my Twister set with men who’d later go hang themselves in the bonus room.

Scott? “Bone-us”? Really?

As a child, I struggled to deal with all the vivid and explicit sexual experiences, conflicts, and confusion I faced within this family setting.

We all have our crosses to bear, dear. I’m sure the baby Jesus would weep for you, because, you know, you had two parents and neither of them was on crack and oh by the way, you probably still were better off than the folks who had no food or clothes or shelter.

But hey, you’re damaged goods, right?

Doesn’t this story kind of disprove the whole “ex-gay” thing? I mean, the dude got married and fathered at least two kids, playing the whole “Really, I’m heterosexual” role, and it clearly didn’t work.

Also, if it’s okay to extrapolate from “my parents” to “everyone’s parents”, then no one should ever get married again because they’re just going to get divorced in a few years, and heterosexuality is clearly bad for you, what with it making my mother emotionally abusive and my father an alcoholic.

Then I noticed the camera… Whew. close call!

Jees, this spaz should have an airline seat next to that woman who sees through crowd subterfuge to note mid-air terror.

Dad prefers the company of other men to that of his wife and children.

Uh, yeah, who wouldn’t want to hang out with a child who was as nervous as a Chihuahua because she thought daddy was taking her down a pier in a lake to drown her on vacation for some reason?

The purpose in writing this book is to deliver an open, honest, and balanced account of what it was like growing up with a homosexual father and a weak, subservient mother.

Which is totally different than writing a tell all book about a straight father and a weak, subservient mother. Because there are fewer Chihuahuas in those.

A non-Catholic probably won’t accept that teaching, but it still applies to him or her, as does the intrinsic immorality of abortion, contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation.

Don’t anyone tell Matt about this:

http://tinyurl.com/23kpq8x

BTW, Matt, you genius — that would be “as DO the intrinsic…” You know, subject-verb agreement and all that. Also.

If that’s honouring her father I’d hate to see her writing a hatchet job.

Hmmm…so according to this nitwit Matt, I’m subject to “moral law” as defined by the Catholics, even though I’m not Catholic? Good thing there’s that funny bit about “separation of church and state” in AMERICAN law that keeps him from siccing the Inquisition on me.

Well, if that’s Matt’s idea, then let’s take it and turn it around. Might as well start taxing the Catholic church just like any other business, for starters–just cause they’re a CHURCH, why shouldn’t they be subject to the tax laws of the United States?

Oh, and let’s start throwing a few more of those boy-loving priests (whaddya have to say about THAT, Matt?)into the slammer…

Ah, yes, eubonics, the patois of eunuchs…..

“My name is Dawn Stefanowicz. I grew up in a homosexual household during the 1960s and 1970s in Toronto exposed to many different people, the Gay-Lesbian- Bisexual-Transgendered (GLBT) subcultures, and explicit sexual practices….

I was at high risk of exposure to contagious STDs due to sexual molestation, my father’s high-risk sexual behaviors, and multiple partners….

I was outraged at the incidences of same-sex domestic abuse, sexual advances toward minors and loss of sexual partners as if people were only commodities. I sought comfort looking for my father’s love from boyfriends starting at 12 years old.

From a young age, I was exposed to explicit sexual speech, self-indulgent lifestyles, varied GLBT subcultures and gay vacation spots. Sex looked gratuitous to me as a child. I was exposed to all-inclusive manifestations of sexuality including bathhouse sex, cross-dressing, sodomy, pornography, gay nudity, lesbianism, bisexuality, minor recruitment, voyeurism and exhibitionism.

Sado-masochism was alluded to and aspects demonstrated. Alcohol and drugs were often contributing factors to lower inhibitions in my father’s relationships.”

I guess it’s lucky for Dawn’s audience that she seems to have been exposed to the whole damned megillah of perversion, the better to warn the entire potential book-buying audience. It’s a lot like the incredible good fortune that every believer in reincarnation with a story to sell used to be Caesar, or Cleopatra, or a Crusader, some historical figure vaguely known to a wide range of semi-literates, and not James Gadsden, or Robert Cooper Grier, or the guy who blocked Diana Durbin’s father’s hats.

What the holy fucking fuck? Gosh, what a nightmare childhood, a father who doesn’t much like you. This never happens with straight fathers, I’m sure. Oh, wait, it does.

Christ, my father, who was straight, hated my fucking guts. The only reason I can ever imagine him wanting a picture of me would have been so he could throw things at it after I was inconveniently out of range.

I’m normally more sympathetic about other peoples’ childhoods, but Dawn seems to be generating vast amounts of pity for herself without anyone’s help. And using it to attack all gay parents as unsuitable. As someone else pointed out, we clearly need to ban straights from parenting, since they obviously are all hyperviolent drunken child-molesters, based on anecdotal data. Sure, it means the end of the species, but considering we’re still producing nitwits like Matt and Dawn, I’m actually okay with that.

I don’t, by the way, necessarily feel you owe it to your family to keep their secrets, but let’s not pretend we’re doing them favors when we tell everyone how crummy they were. Honoring a father like that might involve understanding why he was that way, having some sympathy for the toll repression and self-loathing and having society force you into a life you don’t want can take on you. If Dawn’s honoring anyone here, it’s herself and her own visceral revulsion to his life.

Incidentally, Matt, I very much doubt Dawn has to face the “wrath” of gay activists. I suspect she has to face the contempt and irritation of gay activists. But she does seem to overreact to people who don’t much like her, doesn’t she.

“A non-Catholic probably won’t accept that teaching, but it still applies to him or her, as does the intrinsic immorality of abortion, contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation.”
Masturbation? They’re still on about that?
Also I notice that these rules don’t apply to Catholic Priests.

Scott? “Bone-us”? Really?

Sorry, actor. The flesh was weak.

“Gay-Lesbian- Bisexual-Transgendered (GLBT)”
Sounds like a great sandwich.

“GLBT subcultures”
What you slather on your GLBT if it’s too dry.

“minor recruitment…”
Because you can’t go straight to the Majors out of high school.

“Sado-masochism was alluded to and aspects demonstrated.”
Sister Mary Joseph - stern but unfair. We’ve all been there.

Jesus. Where’d this girl grow up - on the set of Caligula?

Wait-she’s describing experiences from the ’60’s, and claiming they’re typical of attitudes that exist TODAY?
Does she not know that, hey, maybe shit happened in the last 30 years or so they may have CHANGED a few things?
Also, I estimated her dad came of age in the ’60’s, but now I’d have to guess ’40’s/early 50’s, which was even MORE repressive and homophobic.
Another thing: while I certainly can’t prove she’s lying or exaggerating, it does sound like she’s working from a checklist of horrors.

I was at high risk of exposure to contagious STDs due to sexual molestation, my father’s high-risk sexual behaviors, and multiple partners….

I was outraged at the incidences of same-sex domestic abuse, sexual advances toward minors and loss of sexual partners as if people were only commodities. I sought comfort looking for my father’s love from boyfriends starting at 12 years old.

Wait….so Gay Dad and his friends would turn if they could molest Dawn, but otherwise, her brothers were the ones really in trouble?

Talk about delusions of grandeur! She felt that at 12 she was irresistible to gay men????

She’d be too young to call a fag hag, so what term can we use?

“Queen Tween”?

Did Dawn (how symbolic!) forget to mention that Dear Old Dad DROVE his male lovers to suicide, because of their guilt at dining on the Chow-wah-wahs DOD sacrificed while officiating over pagan rituals in his other job as High Priest of Satan? Or is she saving same for the movie that Campus Crusade is making?

Wingnut Logic confuses me.
“Homosexual unions are immoral, because they can’t produce children…which they shouldn’t be allowed to have anyway!”

David, sorry about the pedantry, but the subject of that sentence is “immorality,” so the singular verb “does” is correct.

Back now to the snarkateria.

My father prized unisex dressing, gender-neutral aspects and a famous cross-dressing icon when I was eight years old.

Dawn’s father liked Dame Edna? Man, life must have been hell for her!

So was dear ol’ Dad a miserable closet case or a flaming fag who happened to be married to a woman? Or was he both? Frankly, I suspect the former, until someone told her it wouldn’t sell.

“Queen Tween”?

My God, that’s perfect!

@Dr. Dre –

No, sorry: the subject of that sentence is “the intrinsic immorality of abortion, contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation”. That’s a plural subject in my world.

Unless, of course, you are saying that “contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation” are not connected to the rest of that sentence. And that would be an even worse mangling of English grammar.

I believe Dr. Dre is right. (This is where sentence diagramming is so cool - don’t know if it’s taught these days, but one thing they did have back in the repressive 50s was diagramming instruction in the public schools.)

The sins are the objects of the prepositional phrase beginning with “of”. This phrase as a whole is an adjectival modifier of the singular noun “immorality”, which is the subject of this part of this compound sentence. So the singular subject takes a singular verb “does”.

What puzzles me about the book is the multiple messages: did Dawn’s dad expose his kids to a flagrantly gay lifestyle or didn’t he? At the time of the photography episode, she says that he was rarely around on vacations, that he was always away pursuing his other life. Maybe it was a matter of time, and by the time she was older he was hauling the kids off to gay summer parties, or bringing his male friends home? That’s quite a reversal between the time she was 9 and the time she was 12.

Whatever, like D. says, you can get the rejection and distancing from a straight parent just as easily as from a gay one. Actually, to me that scene with the pier and the chihuahua sounds sadder - like her father had at least some parental affection for her, but was so conflicted about and by his closeted life (with its one short respite each summer) that he had no idea how to express it.

Li’l Innocent, that’s what makes me wonder if she isn’t perhaps, embellishing the truth a bit.

Something to say?