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Archive for November 2nd, 2010

Happy Birthday, Zombie!

Posted by s.z. on November 2nd, 2010

Mr. Zombie Rotten Mcdonald has indicated that it’s his birthday. Have a great one, Zombie!

In your honor, we decided to forgo a photo of zombie Ann Coulter, since she is starting to rot. Instead, may we present you with this photo of the ghoul Nancy Grace, a foul creature that obviously doesn’t crave brains. No, she eats microphones.

Vernon On Vermin

Posted by scott on November 2nd, 2010

Sometimes when an old man hears the owl call his name, he will sit alone on the front porch, in a silence broken only by crickets and the creak of his rocking chair, and cast his faltering mind back to one bright, untarnished memory of love.  Of first love.  Of the Girl Who Got Away.  Wes Vernon is one such man, although in his case the porch is a right wing website, and the love of his life is the Blacklist.

To the new Congress: ferret out internal subversion

The incoming (more conservative) Congress should add one more item at or near the top of its agenda: Bring back the House Committee on Internal Security (HCIS).

We don’t need ObamaCare, we need ObamaCarthy!

We need to know who our enemies are on our own soil — abusing our freedoms to plot the death of Americans and of America itself.

If I learned anything from those soap operas that my mother obsessively watched — or, more precisely, from the commercials which punctuated them — it’s that the biggest enemy on our own soil is our own soil.  Ground-in dirt is the worst threat an American woman can face, and if we must spill the blood of patriots to defend ourselves, so be it, although blood stains are hard to get out too.

Only when we have the facts — fully documented with supporting testimony — can we chart a clear path as to how to deal with it — legislatively and in oversight of the relevant government agencies.

Perhaps we could concentrate our enemies in some sort of camp.  Then, once we’ve taught them useful skills like potholder-weaving and wallet-stitching, they could pay for their own upkeep.  (We also might want to consider boosting productivity with posters, or contests, or maybe an inspirational slogan.  Something like “work makes you free,” but rendered into a European language, like Latin, or German, to class it up a bit.)

Urgency #1 — Islamofascism

There are Hezbollah terrorist cells throughout the United States. The FBI is aware of them.

Unfortunately, due to Hezbollah’s clever practice of concealing their weapons in grape leaves and pita pockets, the FBI thinks they’re a chain of Falafel King franchises.

Lurking out there is the non-affiliated “lone wolf” terrorist, and those who have actually become American citizens for the express purpose of joining our military so they can undermine its efforts, including plots to kill our men and women in uniform.

Granted, most of them are “anchor babies” or “terrorist toddlers,” so that makes it a challenge for the lone wolfs to enlist, but what with the way the military has been steadily lowering its recruiting standards since 2003, an all-infant infantry seems inevitable.

The Homeland Security Committee (probably chaired by the ever-vigilant Rep. Peter King — R-N.Y.)

There’s a happy thought.

…deals with many issues in addition to internal threats, including policy initiatives at the highest levels. The revived HCIS would have a much heavier focus on subversion right here on American soil — from whatever source.

Probably from water, the source of all life.  And Obama’s government is piping the stuff directly into your home!

Urgency #2 — the borders

Our southern borders have all but collapsed. It is almost childishly simple for Middle East terrorists to slip through hidden amongst the poor wretches who flee their native lands of corruption and Marxist-style economies.

Arabs in sombreros are probably behind all those beheadings in Scottsdale.

Related to that is the Reconquista movement whereby Mexican authorities — with the aid of powerful allies in the U.S. — hope to retake the Southwest United States “block by block.”

Hey!  ”Block by block” is the same strategy the Islamofascist terrorist toddlers are using!  I hope they never join forces with the Reconquista Rugrats, or it’s not going to be safe to walk around the living room barefoot.

Urgency #3 — I have to pee

It’s really urgent.  Be right back.

Okay, I’m back.  What Urgency are we up to now…?