It’s a new heart-warming holiday special, written by our own Marq. We’re sure it will be a holiday classic.
Marie Jon’
Marie Jon’ found, on Christmas morn,
A different gift than the expected porn,
A gift certificate for a copy-editor, and quite a sight to see,
Hers to use, and likely abuse, for one month (or three!),
“I’ll treasure this always-it’ll make me a better writer!”
So she set to work on a column, and made it a one-nighter,
“Here it is, Mr. Editor, it’s about Jesus and Mary, womb-babies and God,
“And how those who don’t like them are really just clods,”
“Alright, Ms. Jon’, I’ll check for mistakes,
“Is this piece genuine, or is it a fake?”
“Mistakes?” she cried, she was clearly appalled,
“I was misinformed about what a editor does,” she bawled,
“Don’t fret, love, if it’s your first time, I’ll be gentle,”
She just stared at him as if he were completely mental,
“Hmm, ‘beloved and excepted,’ ‘officially mote,’
“Try and make sense,” with a blue pencil he wrote,
Marie’s lids fluttered from the sight of all the blue,
Said she, “What are you, Mister, some kind of Jew?”
“I’m a Unitarian, Miss, if that’s any of your biz,”
Marie whipped out her badge from the O.F.A.L.* and assured him, “It IS!!1!”
So, off thugs dragged him, tied up in knots,
Soon to face the administration’s new torture’bots,
“Treat him right, boys, we don’t want him in pain,
“I think he’s a sissy,” so they jerked on his chains,
Years later, he was still missing, though rumor had it,
He was turning tricks to support his Sadly, No! habit,
In reality, he’d been ground up and made into cat food,
And, as fates go, that’s pretty darned harsh, dude,
Marie smiled to herself, pondering his fate,
It was Christmastide once more, and everything was great!
.
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*Office of Females Against Larnin’.