I’ve often wondered if Dr. Mike Adams is simply a needy provocateur, lighting up a string of fizzling rhetorical firecrackers in a bi-weekly bid for attention; or if his bold, assertive lack of empathy is sincere, and he’s just an unusually bald-faced sociopath. Well, in today’s column, Dr. Mike betrays a previously unsuspected vulnerability, and I’ve finally realized that despite all his crass, insulting bluster, he actually is capable of feeling a deep, and deeply moving, pity for himself. Yes, Dr. Mike is going through a change of life, and he’d really appreciate it if we’d drop everything while he makes an important — even historic — announcement.

Chapter 639: Conclusion

As you are surfing the Internet this morning, I am in a car driving west somewhere between the Appalachian and Rocky Mountains.

Dr. Mike is keeping his location vague to throw off Obama’s Predator drones.

The particular column you are reading right now is the 639th I have written since I became a columnist for Townhall in September of 2003.

Really? It feels like more.

It will also be my last.

Well, this is something of a shock, especially for us. World O’ Crap was established one month before Townhall handed Dr. Mike a byline, and s.z. discovered his unique voice no more than a month or two later. In the interim I’ve waded through scores of his columns, first as a devotee of Wo’C, and later as a contributor; in fact, I doubt his fans have followed his work as closely as we have, and I think we’re owed an explanation!

My first column for Townhall was called “NAMBLA: Coming to a Campus Near You.”

Actually, you know what? I’m good. Best of luck, Dr. Mike!

In that column, I argued that the diversity movement had gained such momentum – ironically, from not being subjected to competing ideas –

How are you ever going to learn to think for yourself if you’re not willing to stand up for uniformity?

– that it would not be long before pedophilia was accepted and actively promoted on our nation’s campuses – all in the name of “tolerance” and “diversity.” That time has now arrived.

I’m not certain how Dr. Mike knows this, but I’m pretty sure that by crossing state lines he’s compounding the felony.

My most recent column included a revealing email exchange with a university administrator.

That would be this column, “How to Win Friends and Manipulate Hypocrites,” in which Dr. Mike wrote to the “Advisor of the LGBTQIA Office at a university we will call The University of No Civility Whatsoever (UNCW). Her name has been changed to protect her from the consequences of her own poor decisions.” Poor decisions such as being willfully, stubbornly gay, even in the presence of a studly Associate Professor of Criminology.

Dear Jane Doe: I am interested to know how the speech “Gay, lesbian, and queer individuals with a Christian upbringing: Exploring the process of resolving conflict between sexual identity and religious beliefs” will handle such an obvious conflict between Christianity and homosexuality.

On [sic] must either a) turn away from the sin of homosexuality or b) commit the additional sin of altering the scriptures to justify one’s own sinful conduct.

Which alternative will your speaker recommend?

Dr. Mike’s colleague doesn’t care to answer his pop quiz, and reminds him that the last time they corresponded, he surprised her by publishing her emails. She closes with a quote: “People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they live.”-James Baldwin.

But Dr. Mike will not be ignored. Nor will he have fancy-talkin’ Negroes thrown in his face — especially ones he’s never heard of.

I would like to request that the UNCW LGBTQIA Office extend an invitation to Mike Haley, a former homosexual, to come give a speech at UNCW. Mike would be able to provide some balance to what your center intends to do; namely to lead people into a lifestyle that is bad for their physical and emotional well-being.

Will you consider hosting Mike or will you only host people who are going to promote homosexuality?

I am not a follower of James Baldwin but I do believe it is unethical to withhold information, which could lead people out of the trap of homosexuality that ruins so many promising young lives.

Mike’s colleague says 1) She won’t speak for the lecturer, 2) If he’s so interested he can buy a ticket, 3) She’s never heard of ex-gay Mike Haley, and 4) Dr. Mike is perfectly free to sponsor the guy himself. Her response is not well-received:

You are refusing to host or sponsor a speech by Mike Haley because you believe we have enough ideological balance on the issue of homosexuality here at UNCW.

Please respond in writing.

And later:

Jane, you have simply lied when you have stated that you know don’t know Mike Haley other than what I say about him. Previously, you claimed a familiarity with my oeuvre and I have discussed Mike in a previous column

You know, I claim a familiarity with Dr. Mike’s oeuvre, and I’d be hard pressed to pick the Mike Haley column out of six hundred and thirty-eight other pieces that are so alike in tone and subject matter that they’re less essays, and more a form of repetitive motion injury.

Anyway, the Unpromoted Professor closes by writing himself a letter of recommendation (“My tactic of exposing lying public officials in order to expand the marketplace of ideas is very effective. That is why my columns are the height of ethical discourse”), then threatens to harass her again next week.

Careless readers of that column considered it to be somewhat mundane and unenlightening – perhaps even petty.

Because, if nothing else, Dr. Mike’s work is remarkably consistent.

The more careful readers noticed that, in one of the administrator’s emails, she included a quote by James Baldwin, which said “If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.”

Of course, when Baldwin made that statement he was not a “boy.” He was a grown man suggesting that pedophilia is not a disease but, instead, that opposition to pedophilia is a disease. I disagree.

Says the teacher who married one of his own students.

That’s why I’m a follower of Jesus, rather than a follower of Baldwin or Muhammad.

And that’s why Jesus is always looking nervously over his shoulder, and frequently changing cabs.

In several hundred nationally published columns Mike Adams said: “The University of North Carolina does not protect free speech.”

In response, the university said: “You don’t have a right to say that.”

And, sadly, the court agreed saying that because I mentioned my column in my promotion application, it was now a part of my “official duties.” And that means the First Amendment no longer prevents the university from discriminating against me for my beliefs.

For those who may be tuning in late, let me quote a very clear and concise explanation of Dr. Mike’s failed lawsuit against his own university, written by a commenter Jeffrey Kramer at Whiskey Fire:

1) Adams presented [his Townhall] columns as evidence of his “research,” i.e. as fulfillment of one of the requirements for promotion to full professor.

2) The faculty said that these columns were not scholarship, and didn’t serve Adams’s case.

3) Adams then said that when the university rejected his application, it showed they were engaged in viewpoint discrimination (because they didn’t like the conservative views expressed in the columns).

4) The judge said that according to the law, you can only sue for viewpoint discrimination if the views expressed are not part of your job. (So, for example, if you are a speechwriter for a liberal Democrat and you’re fired because you keep on writing speeches which express conservative Republican principles, you have no discrimination case.) But Adams was plainly asserting that he did regard those columns as part of his university work, since he was presenting them as evidence of how well he was performing his university-mandated research duties!

5) The judge went on to say (my non-lawyerly translation from legalese follows) that Adams was guilty of first degree chutzpah for trying first to say “I want you to evaluate these opinion columns as evidence of my scholarship” and then, when the work was negatively evaluated, turning around and saying “how dare you judge me on the basis of these opinion columns; that’s viewpoint discrimination!”

It seems that Dr. Mike — by turning out hundreds of fact-free, wingnutty screeds, while failing to write any scholarly works in his field — has managed to both publish and perish. But like his native South, he vows to Rise Again!

My attorneys at the Alliance Defense Fund have appealed the case to the 4th Circuit. And we’ll go to the Supreme Court if we lose there.

“I’ll never succumb! I’ll never surrender! In the meantime, I better quit my column.” But Dr. Mike wants you to know that he would’ve got away with his plan to pass off warmed over FoxNews talking points and tongue-lashings administered to imaginary lesbians as original scholarship, if it hadn’t been for those meddlin’ pedophiles!

Of course, I don’t have to tell you that the Faculty Senate has remained silent on the issue of my pending appeal. They’ll never say my columns are protected free speech unless they start featuring pictures of naked little girls. But I can’t bring myself to provide comfort and pleasure to pedophiles. Call me old fashioned.

Well, it’s about the only thing I haven’t called you.

And, since this column is not protected by the First Amendment, I must bid you farewell.

Good night, sweet prince. And a flight of douchebags sing thee to thy rest.

With Dr. Mike | 51 Comments »

Friends of the blog are a pair of film-savvy, smart-mouthed stoners who specialize in dissecting movies so bad they can actually piss off a stoner. (They’re also the creators of my favorite non-Simon Pegg, 6-minute zombie flick: Surprise.)

Season 2 of their movie review show launched with a vivisection by video of The Vampire Bat (in which they were kind enough to cite as an influence or an irritant) and they’ve just posted their second episode, which takes on Larry Buchanan’s masterpiece-of-shit, It’s Alive, starring Tommy Kirk.

MST3K fans will fondly recall Buchanan’s The Attack of the the [sic] Eye Creatures, which, along with It’s Alive, was one of eight made-for-TV quickies the director cranked out down in Texas in the Sixties, most of them remakes of only slightly-less-cheap monster and sci-fi films that were cranked out in California in the Fifties. These included Zontar, the Thing from Venus, a retread of the Peter Graves/Beverly Garland anti-classic It Conquered the World, and Mars Needs Women, also starring Tommy Kirk, which we wrote about in BLTBM, in the chapter entitled Weird Sex, or: Making the Beast with Two Backs with the Beast with Two Backs.

Over the course of his baffling career, Buchanan proved himself a master of the unconvincing creature effect, but he surpassed all previous high water marks of hackery in It’s Alive, which I fervently contend features the single worst monster in the history of moving images, and I’m including a flipbook I made in Second Grade about a carnivorous fire hydrant that traps people like flies by spraying maple syrup, and whose mortal enemy is a baseball bat-wielding dog on a bicycle. Anyway, the thing that’s alive in It’s Alive is a forced perspective “dinosaur” that looks like a cross between Kulka and Ollie, and this doesn’t even begin to describe the horror. Seriously. It makes The Giant Claw look like that thing from Cloverfield.

So if you’ve got a moment, drop by and share a little THC-buffered outrage with the boys:

It’s Alive, Part 1

It’s Alive, Part 2

Movies, People We Like | 4 Comments »

From my friend PJ, who feels the picture of Palin, with her dead eyes and tight, Joker-like rictus, is worth a thousand words, marked down to seven if you order now:

“Please Buy My Insane Book. I’m Folksy.”

Half a year away from publication and America by Heart: Reflections on Faith, Family, and Flag has already been marked down nearly half off the cover price? I certainly hope her ghostwriter got a flat fee, or was working hourly.

Anyway, as powerful as the former governor’s vision for America may be, her Faith, Family, and Flag will never beat McDonald’s Food, Folks, and Fun!

(Mudflats has more.)

My Country Right, Wrong or Decline to State | 10 Comments »

When we last saw “Christian libertarian,” SF/fantasy writer, video game designer, recording artist, “internet superintelligence,” and innovative rape theorist Vox Day, he was telling quake-ravaged Haiti to suck it. Today, he’s pulling one of those triple axel paradoxes so beloved by wingnut provocateurs, explaining that Mexicans will never dissolve in our melting pot, even if we use a double boiler.

The revoluciónary is right

Americans did not worry about the massive migration of Mexicans and other third-world immigrants for many years due to their belief in equality and the idea of the American melting pot. Unfortunately, both concepts are complete myths, devoid of any support from logic, history or science.

Said the author of Summa Elvetica: A Casuistry of the Elvish Controversy.

Despite the best efforts of the academic thought police and pop literary fantasists…various scientific disciplines have quietly, but inexorably been demolishing the equalitarian hypothesis with regard to race, culture and sex.

But the big question remains, “Do Elves Have Souls?”

There is, quite simply, no such thing as human equality in any material sense. In fact, the latest genetic research on potential Neanderthal genes found in humans of non-African descent suggest that it is not entirely accurate to even assert that homo sapiens is not divided into various subspecies.

Using mitchondrial DNA, Vox has traced his lineage to the human sub-species Homo douche.

As for the myth of the American melting pot, it should suffice to point out that the idea was popularized by a Russian Jew who emigrated to England, never lived in the United States and was a fervent believer in the cause of establishing a Jewish homeland.

That would be Israel Zangwill, who was actually born in London.

Basing immigration policy on the idea of the melting pot is about as rational as setting foreign policy on the basis of the example set by the United Federation of Planets in Star Trek.

Any serious statesman would base his diplomatic and geo-stategic policy initiatives on Babylon 5

It is not only fiction, but ignorant foreign fiction at that.

Turns out you can’t melt literature, either, even English literature — the pages just stick together. Especially Fanny Hill.

The reality is that from the mid-17th century to the mid-19th century, the New England states had almost no immigration for 200 years.

Mr. Day? There’s a Mohican here who’d like to see you. No, just the one…

The reality is that America will proceed on one of two paths. The first is to embrace the conflict. If Americans can find the courage to consciously reject the myth of the melting pot and expel the Mexicans from the American Southwest, the Arabs from Detroit and the Somalis from Minneapolis, they can reclaim their traditional white Anglo-Saxon Protestant culture.

…although dinner’s gonna be a little on the bland side from now on. Speaking of genocide, long time readers will recall that Vox has played the relocation card in the past, writing:

Not only will it work, but one can easily estimate how long it would take. If it took the Germans less than four years to rid themselves of 6 million Jews, many of whom spoke German and were fully integrated into German society, it couldn’t possibly take more than eight years to deport 12 million illegal aliens, many of whom don’t speak English and are not integrated into American society.

And the Nazis didn’t even have benefit of the Flaming Langschwert of Wahrheit!

This is highly improbable because so many descendants of that culture have rejected it in favor of the vibrancy of diversity while those who haven’t are far too frightened of criticism and social rejection to even articulate their thoughts.

This is probably a good time to mention that Vox has a new T-shirt in his CafePress store: “I Failed to Ethnically Cleanse America and All I Got Was This Lousy Vibrant Diversity.”

Can I Peek Under Your Hood? | 24 Comments »

(A cordial welcome to all the folks arriving via stumbleupon and pewsitter.com. Update below.)

On May 9, 1960, the FDA approved Enovid, the first oral contraceptive, which means that yesterday The Pill turned 50. Now ordinarily we don’t do birthday posts for pharmaceuticals, but there are a couple good reasons for making an exception in this case. First, half a century is a major milestone, and means The Pill will now have to get regular prostate exams, which is unfair or ironic, I’m not sure which. Second, it’s driving all the Papist Anti-Pillers into a frenzy of frustrated fertility.

Matt C. Abbott is “a Catholic columnist,” who writes in the tradition of Desiderius Erasmus and Henry of Ghent, bringing a scholarly and classical perspective to complex theological issues by drawing upon his “Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication, Media and Theatre from Northeastern Illinois University.” But while Brother Abbott is firmly grounded in the Humanities, he also brings a rigorous epistemological approach to ontology, in the manner of William of Ockham, by virtue of an “Associate in Applied Science degree in Business Management from Triton College in River Grove, Ill.” which means that he took a junior college night course and totally knows how to work a cash register and one of those laser things that scans bar codes.

I’ve never bothered with Matt in the past because his writing usually consist of long excerpts of someone else’s writing — emails from cranky retired priests that are too long to print in the South Bend Tribune letters to the editor column, for instance — so he’s kind of hard to mock. But this week, perhaps inspired by the Golden Jubilee of the Zygote Holocaust, he offered up a title I just had to share with you:

Has ‘the pill’ caused drive-by shootings?

Judging by the laudatory articles on the birth control pill popping up all over the Web in recent days, one might conclude that the pill was in fact the greatest invention since sliced multigrain bread.

Why did Matt feel the need to update the classic cliché, “the greatest invention since sliced bread?” Because The Pill is taken by Feminists, who are into that crunchy, Birkenstocky granola stuff, and by adding the word “multigrain,” he signals that he is playing a deep and subtle game here. However, he sort of peaks in the first paragraph, since the rest of the column is, as usual, just stuff he lifted from other people, including a prominent contributor to neo-nazi periodicals (Matt, to his credit, admits the guy is “controversial”).

This week Brother Abbott starts off with a snippet from a Washington Post piece by feminist historian Elaine Tyler May, who wrote, unsurprisingly, about the history of The Pill and how it remade motherhood for the better, then he segues into a bit of guilt by association (“May’s fondness for the pill — actually, she seems fonder of the morally bankrupt Margaret Sanger than of the pill itself”) before bringing in someone else to refute her. In this case, it’s “Chicagoan Eleanore Veronika Strong,” who doesn’t appear to be a historian, or to have done much to impress Google, but we’re six paragraphs in and Matt really needed someone to spell him at the keyboard:

“It always strikes me as ironic when self-proclaimed feminists like Elaine Tyler May…”

A lady always waits for a gentleman to open a door, pull out her chair, call her for a date, or proclaim her a feminist. Remember girls, if you’re a serious advocate for sexual equality, you’ll play by The Rules.

“Moreover, why would she further enable such a man’s behavior by ingesting hormones to suppress her body’s natural functioning so that she can be sexually available to him with no investment or responsibility required on his part?”

Strong says that “women are most liberated when they set boundaries that encourage men to accept and respect them exactly as they are.”

The Equal Rights Amendment would have passed back in the 70s and women would have spent the last few decades enjoying equal pay and opportunities for professional advancement if they’d just insisted on risking pregnancy every time they had sex. If you ain’t fertile, you aren’t liberated.

She also advocates the use of natural family planning for married couples, which the Church approves.

Along with exorcism.

“If a couple has discerned that they have a serious reason to avoid conception, periodic abstinence during the woman’s fertile periods is a beautiful way for a man to demonstrate restraint, maturity, and ultimately love for his partner.”

Stock up on plenty of porn and Kleenex to increase the beauty.

Wow, Matt wrote a whole sentence of that last paragraph, he must be exhausted. Who can he quote next? Ah, it’s Dawn Eden, authoress of The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. From Publishers Weekly:

Eden herself is a convert to both Christianity and chastity, and now an unmarried 30-something, she’s persuaded that chastity is more “hope-filled” and “vibrant” than sex outside of marriage. She draws on John Paul II’s theology of the body to explain why Christians should reserve sex for marriage; “our bodies are living metaphors of God’s loving nature,” she argues, and to have sex casually is to make a false promise of total commitment. Eden doesn’t just theologize—she gives practical advice about…masturbation (avoid it—you’ll just feel lonely afterward).

When you’re telling women not to masturbate, should you really use the word “vibrant?” Seems like you’re kind of undermining your own presentation. (As we’ve mentioned here before, Dawn is working on a follow-up book for gals who want to use their new found virginity as a selling point in landing Mr. Right, entitled Hi Men! I’ve Got a Hymen!) Anyway, Dawn steps onto the rubber and pitches a quick couple of relief paragraphs:

If the pill made motherhood ‘better,’ then one would expect that mothers would be happier now than they were in 1972, before the birth rate fell dramatically as contraception use expanded. Instead, as a recent report by researchers at the Wharton School of Business shows, between 1972 and 2006, the happiness of U.S. mothers fell just as dramatically.

Speaking from my own experience, I have to to admit that Dawn makes a good point. My mother was definitely much happier in 1972, in large part because she was stoned on Valium. But 1972 is an interesting date to pick, since that’s the year Eisenstadt v. Baird was decided by the United States Supreme Court, giving single women the same access to The Pill that married women had enjoyed since Griswold v. Connecticut in 1965. That might explain the increase in contraception use. In any case, while measuring the happiness of mothers, we should probably factor in the happiness of women who were now no longer forced to become mothers (along with middle class wage stagnation, the decline of American manufacturing, the rise in divorce rates and a bunch of other social issues that weren’t caused by oral contraception, but still might affect maternal happiness.)

“Clearly, from the point of view of general trends, the pill’s enabling women to have fewer children does not make for ‘better’ motherhood, if ‘better’ means happier. Nor can it be said to make for better mothers from the child’s point of view, since using contraception makes it easier for women to commit adultery.

And unregulated fertility makes it easier for women to die from complications of childbirth. So what’s it gonna be, kid? Your mom can be Madame Bovary, or a corpse. Take your pick…

In fact, [May] shows no visible concern for children’s well-being at all — which isn’t surprising, given what she’s pushing. By encouraging a culture of radical individualism that treats children as accessories, the pill has created a generation of ‘wire monkey’ mothers.”

Some kids prefer that:

But enough of these women and their opinions. What do neo-nazi men think about The Pill? Matt?

Finally, author E. Michael Jones (yes, I know he has some controversial writings on other subjects) has an interesting take on contraception and its effects on American society:

Interesting is scarcely the word. Personally, I think Dr.. Jones is by far the most quotable of the day laborers Matt hires out of the Home Depot parking lot to mow, mulch, and fertilize his column. But first, let’s do a cursory bit of due diligence on those “controversial writings” — fortunately, Dr. Jones is much more popular with Google than Mrs. Strong.

The Southern Poverty Law Center reports that he “founded Fidelity magazine after being fired as a professor at South Bend’s Catholic women’s college, St. Mary’s” in 1981.

In 1996, Jones changed the name of his magazine to Culture Wars, and he has increasingly focused on the alleged evils of the Jews…that “Jewish media elites” run the country, that Jews are “major players” in pornography, and that Jews are behind Masonry and the French Revolution…He also accuses Jews of poisoning society with thinkers such as Karl Marx (a devotee of Satan, says Jones) and Sigmund Freud (who set off an epidemic of sexual sin, he says). And he describes the World War II Nazi genocide of the Jews as “a reaction to Jewish Messianism (in the form of Bolshevism).” Last April…Jones charged that anyone who went to a mainstream university would emerge “with a Jewish world view … and maybe a Jewish spouse.” Jones, who has written nine books and hundreds of articles, regularly cites extremist sources, especially the American Free Press run by veteran anti-Semite Willis Carto.

Dr. Jones has also contributed to The Barnes Review, which is published by the aforementioned Holocaust denier, Willis Carto. But these writings were all on “other subjects.” I’m sure he has something completely sensible to say about oral contraception.

The last time I spoke here, I talked about how contraceptives caused drive-by shootings

You know how sometimes you’ll be walking through a restaurant, or a store, and you’ll catch a fragment of conversation (“…But she wouldn’t wear the sponges, and I told her, monkeys are wrinkled!”) that’s so perfectly incoherent you hope you never learn the context? I almost don’t want to read on and spoil it.

…how over the summer of 1965, the regime decided that the contraceptive, not providing jobs for black fathers, was to be the solution to this country’s welfare problem and how as a result of this sort of ideological gasoline poured on a social fire, black illegitimacy soared from 20 to over 70 percent.

The one disadvantage to the widepread use of the birth control pill is how it increases the birth rate. Other than that, it’s great.

The demographic surge among Catholics that would come to be known as the baby boom was causing people with an eye for demographics, like the Rockefellers, much concern. In fact, the demographic handwriting was on the wall; the United States was on its way to becoming a Catholic country. But the Enlightenment counterattack was waiting in the wings. Ethnic cleansing can eliminate the political power of people in a particular place by moving them some place else, but it will not provide a long term solution to demographic increase, because as the oppressed group increases, it will also take over the areas it moves into. The long-term solution to the ‘Catholic problem’ had to blunt their demographic power. The long-term solution to the ‘Catholic problem’ was the contraceptive.

And that’s why the Church won’t let you use a rubber. The Rockefellers have been locked in a secret shooting war with the Vatican ever since 1925, when Cardinal de Sangre, the right hand to Pope Pius XI, and the man many expected to become the next Pope, was exposed as Margaret Sanger in drag. She had spent five years in the papal halls, spying and passing on the results of the Church Fathers’ experiments with the Rhythm Method. Outraged, by this betrayal, Pius turned the cold war hot with a sneak attack on Radio City, and the Rockefellers responded the only way they knew how — by trying to kill his cannon fodder with contraceptives.

“How many divisions does the Pope have,” Stalin once memorably inquired, and the answer nowadays, of course, is:

“None! Thanks to The Pill! Gah…! Oh, and you can’t have condoms either, because the Brits call them bishops, and that makes me self-conscious about my hat.”

UPDATE:

I just noticed that this is not Dr. Jones’ first appearance at WO’C. In a 2003 piece about the Christian Broadcasting Network’s annual Halloween panic attacks, s.z. wrote:

In Avenging Monsters: The Origins of Horror Fiction, Charles Colson reports on a book by one E. Michael Jones, who says that horror movies reflect sexual decadence, and so presumably you shouldn’t let your children watch “Casper the Friendly Ghost.”

Per Jones, Percy Shelley was a libertine who made his second wife Mary sleep with his friends. She got tired of it, but she couldn’t relieve her conscience “because she didn’t understand repentance.” So, she wrote Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein represents Percy, who wanted to create an “enlightenment sexual ethic,” but his creation turns out to be a monster that hangs out with the wolfman and terrorizes Abbott and Costello, thus showing that violating traditional sexual mores causes angry, torch-carrying villagers to burn down your castle. And thus was the horror film born, a hundred years later.

And Dracula is really the story of syphilis — which, as we all know, renders those who suffer from it unable to cast a reflection in a mirror, but which can be prevented by wearing a crucifix.

But even more horrifying:

A century later, another vengeful monster emerged in the wake of the modern sexual revolution: that is, the creature in the 1979 film Alien. The man chosen to create the monster, H. R. Giger, claims he never procured an abortion for his mistress. And yet, Jones notes, “his art is full of images of abortion and dead babies.” In any event, Jones writes, Giger’s thwarting of child-bearing, through either contraception or abortion, “is so morally significant that it embeds itself onto his consciousness.”

And Giger’s conscience sought relief by creating a fetus-monster for Alien. At the film’s end, a female astronaut kills the monster in a manner that strikingly resembles a suction abortion.

The warning of these films is that “sex disconnected from the moral order is horrifying,” Jones writes.

This Halloween, when your kids want to rent a horror film, don’t let them. Instead, sit down with them—and with the neighbor’s kids, as well—and explain where horror films really come from and why they are perverse. It’s a great way to expose the cultural lies that are at the root of our society’s celebration of horror.

Yeah, tell them all about wife swapping, syphilis, and suction abortions — that will tramautize them WAY more than even Texas Chain Saw Massacres would. Your neighbors will thank you for enlightening their children this way.

Why Can't A Woman Be More Like A Man? | 63 Comments »

“I want to sleep…I just want to sleep!…But I can’t seem to get ‘Poker Face’ out of my mind…”

“O, hai. Are you here to take my glamour shot?”

Wild Things | 6 Comments »

(via Hackedirl.com)

For No Good Reason | 5 Comments »

I’m now two days into some sort of Iditarod-style endurance headache, and since I can’t possibly feel any worse, I might as well take this opportunity to poke around World Net Daily…

You may remember Robert Ringer from his classic study of douchality, Winning Through Intimidation, or you may recall him as as the cheerful bigot who likes to befriend radicals when they’re dead and can no longer defend themselves.

Today, Sanity’s Voice is back to whisper in your ear about how God created communism before Adam and Eve, and that’s why the Flintstones were cannibals.

The last communist

I recall when I was a teenager asking the question, in a civics class, “What’s to stop the president or Congress from ignoring the Constitution and doing whatever they please?” Predictably, the class laughed and the teacher patronizingly explained to me that our system of “checks and balances” made such a scenario impossible. I clearly remember that I was totally unconvinced by his dismissive answer.

Segue to 2010, and, by golly, we have a president and a Congress that ignores the Constitution and does whatever they please! Darn it – where’s your high-school civics teacher when you need him most?

In the event of fascist coup by a sitting President, America’s high school government and civics teachers are expected to form the backbone of the Resistance by raiding police stations and National Guard armories before melting away into the woods and mountains, leaving nothing behind but the fading cry of “Wolverines!” and the great smell of Brut.

“They may take our lunch money…but they will never take…our freedom!“

“Be honest — am I wearing too much blue eye shadow?”

How can this be happening in America?

I guess it depends what you mean by “this,” since, broadly speaking, this goes on all the time in American. Well, this and that. Grab some of those and let’s figure it out.

Let’s back up a few steps and get some background on the matter. For years, the clueless media loved to refer to Fidel Castro as “the last communist.” This perplexed me no end, because history has made it clear that communism has always existed and will continue to exist until “life after people.”

Physicists theorize that in the first moments following the Big Bang, the universe consisted primarily of a quark-gluon plasma, with a scattering of other elementary particles such as leptons, gauge bosons, and communists.

A belief in communism is an envy-based flaw that is programmed into the human psyche.

…and often leads to genocide, or at least the Blue Screen of Death. I recommend downloading the patch.

Fortunately, through education, logic and a sound moral structure, a majority of people in modern, civilized societies are able to overcome the serpent-like temptation of “to each according to his need.”

St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland mostly because they were really into social justice, and it was making Glenn Beck uncomfortable.

But early man had no formal education and, one would assume, had no time to reflect on philosophical issues. The evidence suggests that savages lived communal lives where the individual was sacrificed to the “collective good.” Often, this even resulted in cannibalism. Satisfying one’s appetite by munching on a fellow tribe member’s arm must have seemed quite natural to men who, like animals, spent most of their time hunting for food.

We may have backed up more than “a few steps” here. Nevertheless, there is a clear through line from the barbarism of Cro-Magnon anthropophagy to the dangers of health insurance reform.

With the advent of the Agrarian Revolution in the Neolithic Age, however, civilization advanced, and the individual gradually gained in importance.

In this era, mankind produced such significant developments as projectile weapons, domesticated animals, and semi-permament settlements. Cannibals still existed, but were now called “libertarians.”

The culmination of this evolution was the great American experiment that began with the Declaration of Independence and ended with victory in the American Revolutionary War.

At last, in 1783, our struggle against Czar George III and his flesh-eating troglodytes came to an end.

Nevertheless, communism has never been eradicated, because there are always plenty of people who cannot repress their envy. Thus, throughout the 20th century, communism reared its ugly head in such disparate places such as Russia, North Korea, North Vietnam and Mozambique. And now, in the 21st century, it’s bringing down Venezuela, with the U.S clearly the next big target of those who yearn for “social justice.”

Like the Vatican. Those Reds have been living off the labor of others for two thousand years now. Castro will be “the last communist” only if he manages to outlive Pope Benedict.

Even so, after the fall of the Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall, communism became kind of passé. As the economies of Western countries boomed, many of those who were most susceptible to the allure of the communist fantasy of wealth without work

Quit sitting around in your housecoat all day and get a job!

(On a side note, I had this exact same cowboy hat when I was six.)

became distracted by the good life handed to them by their thriving semi-capitalistic systems.

So what, exactly, is communism?

Apparently it’s a semi-capitalistic system that lets you thrive and live the good life. Let’s destroy it.

Communism is technically defined as “a theory advocating elimination of private property; a system in which goods are owned in common and are available to all as needed; a totalitarian system in which a single authoritarian party controls state‑owned means of production with the professed aim of establishing a stateless society.” Swell.

You shouldn’t read the dictionary, Bob, it always depresses you. Here, you can borrow my copy of The Lovely Bones — despite the title, it’s largely cannibalism-free.

But what about socialism? Well, if you look it up, you’ll find that the only significant difference between the definitions of socialism and communism is that socialism is referred to as “a transitional stage of society between capitalism and communism.” Which means, according to Newsweek (“We Are All Socialists Now”), that the U.S. must be on its way to communism.

And yet it’s Newsweek that’s headed for the ash heap of history. Oh, irony, you tickle my despair bone.

But many countries, particularly in Europe, try to stop at socialism and not finish the journey to pure communism.

Historically, this is no more feasible than eating only some of the Früsen Glädje.

So, is Chairman Obama a communist or a mere socialist? No one can say with certainty what’s in his heart, but my own feeling is that he would quite enjoy establishing a totalitarian government where the state owns all means of production with the aim of establishing a stateless society.

So, is Mr. Ringer a mesolithic bigot driven to outlandish fantasies of persecution by Merriam-Webster and Fear of a Black White House, or merely a sociopathic douche-flume? No man can say.

I believe that one of the mistakes well-meaning but naïve folks unwittingly make is buying into “the last communist” myth, which causes them to become lax.

Robert fell into that same trap himself once, but has since repented, and is now ex-lax.

Which means that even if true libertarian-centered conservatives were to take control of both houses of Congress and the White House, eternal vigilance would be required to stave off the misguided (evil?) people who cling to their Little Red Books and guns.

I admit, I’m getting a little sick of all these doctrinaire Marxists at gun shows.

Remember, these are the individuals who get their inspiration from M.M.M. (Mass Murderer Mao)

(Nowadays he goes by his hip hop name, 3M.)

and the barrel of a gun as the final arbiter is ingrained in their twisted minds.

It’s hard to believe Robert used to write books, and now he just gives this stuff away. But then, “from each according to his inabililty, to each according to his need for schadenfreude and unintentional comedy.”

Don’t allow your logic to get sidetracked by oil spills, union-inspired riots in Arizona, or BHO’s wisecracks at elegant media functions about his birth certificate and his socialist policies. What is happening in Washington is not just another little shift to the left. It’s a prelude to the coming insurrection.

According to the dictionary (hey, this is great! I think I’ll subcontract all my posts to the OED), insurrection is defined as “an act or instance of rising in revolt, rebellion, or resistance against civil authority or an established government.” So someone should probably tell the President he’s doin’ it wrong.

If you don’t believe me, by all means feel free to join the walking dead and cheer on BHO and his comrades as they continue with their plan to nationalize whole industries and collapse the U.S. economy through deficit spending.

Coincidentally, Zombie Cheerleaders is the title of the new horror film I’m writing. Timely!

Make no mistake about it: Criminal government in Washington is on a roll and moving forward at full throttle – and its momentum can be stopped only by a defiant and vigilant populace, a populace that clearly understands there is no last communist.

Our only hope is to bring some cannibals in for an All You Can Eat communist buffet.

No Country For Old Men | 20 Comments »

While much of the ex-gay industry seems a bit frantic in the wake of luggage-gate, one repurposed queer has tackled the real challenge facing America today: straightening the kink in Ricky Martin’s hose.

To Ricky with love: You can resist

I’m always touched when the ex-gays share their love with the homos, especially when it doesn’t involve a cash transaction.

Note: Michael Glatze is a former gay-rights leader who left the homosexual lifestyle.

Well, I haven’t found much evidence that Michael was much of a gay rights activist, let alone a “leader” of the movement, but I’m sure the rest of the sentence is a sterling ingot of truth.

People like Ricky Martin, even if they don’t care about his sexuality. But I care about his sexuality. I care deeply about his sexuality

Wow, two dozen words into the column and it’s already getting skin-crawlingly creepy. Excuse me for just a sec — I’ve got to call the Guinness Book people. And the police.

– and about the sexuality of people on this planet. Because, you see, our sexuality is under attack.

…from space aliens whose ray guns can reverse the polarity of our junk!

Our increasingly perverted culture is engaging in an all-out war on human sexuality, with the idolization of the male body one of its bastions and the twisting of normal heterosexuality into active homosexuality as its main goal.

“We shall defend our Sexuality, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches of Ibiza. We shall fight in the bars and in the streets of Key West. We shall fight in the hills, and in other reality shows, we shall fight wherever men with tawny six-packs and taut, muffiny pecs are idolized.”

If masculinity can be undermined, the people will be without a powerful spine – and charismatic leaders with nothing but power and control in mind can assume that power and control.

Although, as it turns out, it’s really not that much fun being King of the Invertebrates, since it takes your minions forever to peel you a grape.

Ricky Martin, like many of us, had the pressure of a life of fame and the life of being successful on account of his sex appeal and physical appearance. And, like all people who suffer this temptation, the “gifts” of success can seem to outweigh the gifts of humility and denial of that success – in pursuit of higher principles. The pressure is immense.

So Michael wasn’t really homosexual. He was just too handsome and successful to be straight.

The pressure to succumb to homosexual desires is also immense.

Especially when you’re gay.

And this goes for anybody – homosexual desire is something that anybody can succumb to, just as it is something that anybody can turn away from.

Homosexuality can strike without warning. The Federal Civil Defense Administration recommends all citizens keep and maintain a Gay Preparedness Kit, including five (5) gallons of distilled water, fresh batteries, Black Pepper Shave Oil, bandages, antiseptic, hydrating skin toner, flashlight, and twelve (12) oz. of a botanical Restorative Hair Masque.

(It is one of the Big Lies of our culture that people are somehow born gay and that it is a fixed identity until that person’s death. Never believe this lie; countless individuals leave homosexual desire, leave the addiction of homosexual sin and have happy, normal, heterosexual lives. Never believe the lie.)

“Oh, and did I mention that I’m a former gay-rights leader who was driven to butt sex by the pressure of a life of fame and a life of being successful on account of my sex appeal and physical appearance?”

But the lie is so alluring. And, when you live your life bathed in sexual desire, when your identity is full of the notion that sexual desire equals success, it can be a quick “one-two” step into embracing the full perversion of homosexual desire and practice. Ricky, I feel for you.

Why do I picture Michael sitting at his desk, singing “You Made Me Love You” to a signed 8×10 glossy of Menudo?

Ricky, there are many people out there who had the same tempting offer of the homosexual life … and RESISTED IT! They fought that power! They turned away from that sin. They pushed through the dark allure – and they found the way out.

The best way to resist a tempting offer of the homosexual life is to raise your mighty sword aloft and cry, “By the Power of Greyskull…I have the POWER!…to RESIST!…getting a nice skuiljob. By turning into this oiled and naked bachelor with the psysique of a demi-god…Stop judging me!“

Today, they live happy, wholesome, heterosexual lives.

Speaking as someone who probably has more experience with heterosexuality than Michael, I would just like to offer a friendly bit of advice: don’t get your hopes up. Yes, it can be happy, but wholesome? Who do you think’s the primary audience for hentai? I hate to burst your bubble, but heterosexuals are insatiable pervs who hump like bunnies, often without benefit of clergy. We’re not all the Duggars.

I tell people all the time that the seduction of homosexuality is so powerful – especially when supported by charismatic presidents and powerful lobbying groups – that it can seem so much easier just to succumb, rather than fight. But that fight is for your very soul. This goes for everybody reading this, whether you identify as “gay” or “straight,” “Christian” or not – this is a battle for your soul.

Barack Obama has joined in a dark alliance with the Tobacco Institute to convince my soul to pole-smoke.

When the homosexual temptation arises in a human’s experience, it is always possible to avoid it – and push through.

Make sure you’re well-lubed at all times, just in case the homosexual temptation hits while you’re shopping for microwave soups at the A&P. Never know when you’ll need to push through.

Homosexuality is not just one form of human sexuality, not necessarily any different from heterosexuality.

It’s a many cock-headed Hydra of hotness!

Homosexuality is a cage in which you are trapped in an endless cycle of constantly wanting more – sexually – that you can never actually receive, constantly full of emptiness, trying to justify your twisted actions by politics and “feel good” language, constantly attempting to silence the voices of those who are simply trying to help get you out of that sin.

So it’s like being horny? Thanks for the exegesis, Sappho.

But even if all the millions of people like me are somehow silenced – and with our current corrupt U.S. administration, such a future is not necessarily science-fiction –

“It’s as though millions of voices cried out, and were suddenly silenced by a penis gag.”

Turn to God, save your soul, love yourself, and be strong. Homosexuality will always be a sin, no matter how nicely we talk about it.

“Hello, Bernice! My, your begonias are looking lovely this year.”

“Oh, thank you, Martha. Say, I was walking by the park last evening and saw Young Parker down on his knees behind the bandshell, deep throating the Simmons boy.”

“June’s oldest?”

“Heavens, no, he’s gone off to the agricultural college. It was Tommy, the one with the freckles and the stammer.”

“What a charming boy. He helped us set up the scavenger sale at the Community Center last month.”

“Yes, I remember. Anyway, he was punching Young Parker’s uvula like a welterweight working the speedbag.”

“Oh, how nice. And sinful!”

“And such a lovely night for it, although I suppose the farmers need the rain…”

If you think there’s love to be found in homosexual relationships, you’re right. There’s love everywhere. Even in the nastiest of places. But, if you truly – truly – follow that love, you will find that you cannot, in good conscience, condone an activity that leads to the destruction of the human body, that leads to the destruction of the human potential for creation and leads one into a downward spiral of confusion known as “the gay identity.”

“I finally found love — true love — with a beautiful, wonderful man. However, after talking to Michael, I’ve decided the best thing to do is to go live a lie, and maybe — if I’m lucky — find some fertile woman’s life to ruin.”

This is not “hate” speech;

It falls more in the “dumb” category.

hate speech will be what you’ll see in the mouths of homosexual activists after they read these words I have written. But notice the difference: They will be condemning me, personally, and saying the cruelest things a human being can say about another – while I am simply sitting here saying how much I love humanity, how much I deeply care for the well-being of those around me and how much I wish you, Ricky, had the conviction in your soul to know that you can quit this. You can quit this.

Insert Brokeback Mountain joke here.

The site Ex-Gay Watch looked at Michael’s blog and tweets back in October 2009, and caught the now well-adjusted former gay just kickin’ back and thinking out loud: (click the link and scroll down for a clearer image)

Someone claiming to be Michael showed up in the comments and declared:

So, I heard there was a blog posting about me, here, and I thought it’d be interesting to come check it out. Yes, I do love it when people talk about me – who wouldn’t? …

Obviously, the posting about Obama was a bit of acerbic sarcasm, aimed at the reality that ANY criticism of this man gets you labeled a racist. Obama’s not disgusting because he’s black, he’s disgusting because he seems to hate life, sanction evil, and want nothing more than to destroy America and re-make it in *HIS* image. Clear enough?

Keep calling people who tell the truth crazy, and you’ll only have your own guilt to deal with. Open up to the truth, and you might find you actually get to live, for once. But, don’t take my word for it, I’m just some “right-wing extremist whack-job” who not only hates gays but is racist to boot!!!!

Incidentally, I allowed that posting to remain on my blog because I thought it was just the right kind of fire to bring folks like you scurrying out of the darkness. So fun.

Anyway, Ex-Gay Watch blogger David Roberts took a more-sorrow-than-in-anger approach to the whole thing:

[W]e hope that any would-be Glatze promoters might think twice about placing him on the stage again. As Besen determined, that would be unwise and exploitative. Whether he is in need of help or is actually expressing genuine prejudice and hatred, giving him a platform would seem to be pointless and irresponsible at best.

Oops.

Teh GAYZ! | 27 Comments »

It’s been awhile since we last visited with Sher Zieve, America’s Most Wistful Paranoid™, and since the rash seems to be fading, why don’t we drop in on RenewAmerica. Hm? Shall we?

You go first…

Obama and the elephants in the USA’s living room

The following column is not a fairy tale. I only wish that it were. Some years ago, an advertisement against alcoholism ran on television.

Typical lamestream media nanny-statism. And I bet the networks never once ran an advertisement promoting alcoholism. There’s two sides to every story, you know.

In the Ad, an elephant was depicted bumping into and breaking furniture in a living room while the resident occupants ignored it. But eventually, try as they might, they could not. Suffice it to say, the Ad depicted Americans’ reluctance to deal with severe and glaringly obvious problems within their families. But, try as we will, eventually elephants can and will no longer be ignored.

The lesson is clear: Don’t cheat on your wife with an elephant.

Today, there are now so many elephants in the USA’s living room that they are bumping into each other and multiple stadiums need to be erected to hold them.

Here in L.A. we used to hold elephants in the Coliseum, but there weren’t enough luxury skyboxes from which the alcoholic wealthy could ignore them.

It appears that Obama has brought most of them into our house; or is at the very least the one who willingly and even effervescently allowed them in. A new, improved and nauseatingly capricious Hannibal, perhaps?

Perhaps? How about abso-friggin’-lutely! I’ve gotten a bit bored with the “Obama is Stalin/Hitler/Mussolini/Mao/Pinocchio/Mr.Whipple” meme, and if nothing else, Obama as Hannibal would put a very entertaining backspin on traditional Republican symbology.

But this is where the tricky part comes in:

However, instead of a traditional familial grouping that overlooks said pachyderms, Obama’s “family” is the leftist media — and of course his adherents (who include members of Congress — all Democrats and most RINOs) and sycophants. Oops! I forgot, the Obama media, adherents and sycophants are one in the same and all belong to his leftist totalitarian family.

So they’re like hillbillies you can poach for their ivory!

1. First and foremost — and the biggest elephant of all — is the lack of a true and viable birth certificate. Without said certificate, Obama is a usurper of the US Presidency. That which has, thus far, been given to the erstwhile press and Obama’s other fawning flatterers is nothing more than a short form Certificate of Live Birth — a certificate that (at the time of The Obama’s birth) Hawaii issued even to those who were foreign born and not US citizens. It may still follow this practice, today.

Somebody should probably look into that. Let’s put it on the “To Do” list for after the Coup.

In his quest for ultimate power, Obama ignores the US Constitution.

Which requires the President of the United States to present his birth certificate upon demand from a blanched Stooge.

And his media and Congress allow him to get away with it. So many pay-offs so many bribes? That’s a Dictatorship

(and Amore!)

(aka Tyranny), folks. By the way, our US Republic is gone.

Please do not reveal the incredible twist ending to “Obama and the elephants in the USA’s living room.”

2. Obama’s “health” care bill was the fight its instigator said he must win. And Obama won not only by attacking and fighting against the will of We-the-People but, will soon also be over our dead bodies. Yes, Virginia, Death Panels are STILL contained within the ObamaCare Death Plan and so are some of the ugliest commands against human life and one of — if not the thus far — most Machiavellian pieces of legislation ever written. No right to life? No “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” no Republic. But then, a smaller population is easier for the slave masters to manage and control.

I’m not sure, but I think she’s trying to write a Gor novel.

3. Knowing full well that Arizona is under siege from and by Mexican drug cartels, that Phoenix is now the #2 city in the world with the most kidnappings (drug cartel related) and #1 in the USA and drug-related murders of US citizens are increasing exponentially in that State, Obama and his regime have refused all desperate pleas from AZ Governor Jan Brewer for help.

When will the usurper Obama stop pretending to be the President and start acting like the loose cannon cop in a mid-80s Simpson/Bruckheimer action flick who may be crazy, but he’s the only hope we’ve got!

The passage of this bill — AZ SB 1070 — was mandatory, in order to begin to protect US citizens from the daily onslaught of the drug cartel members and thousands upon thousands of other illegals who have successfully — with the tacit assistance of a politically motivated US government — invaded the State of Arizona.

Maybe Bush should have launched a pre-emptive war on Arizona instead. Would’ve saved on gas.

Again, the Obama federal government will do nothing to protect US citizens. Instead, it now protects the illegal invaders…Now [Obama] and his Marxist entourage will march and riot against protecting US citizens and he and his willing Congress will attempt to force though another new Amnesty bill — which will protect the drug lords who have invaded and are taking over portions of what used to be OUR sovereign country. The drug lords’ payroll is rapidly increasing. USA as a new 3rd world country? It appears so.

There is some good news, though. The drug lords aren’t quite as snippy as the time lords; and according to Shermp, they’re hiring.

4. Obama & Co is stealing all of the money they can from We-the-People.

He also boosted my hubcaps.

They have affected it via all of the Obama “stimulus” bills (bills that stimulate only him, his masters and his minions)

President Barack Obama and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, conferring on the distribution of TARP funds, have a frank and open exchange of views and spit.

Then, there is the Obama nationalization of one industry after another (including banks — where OUR money is stored), Cap and Trade (to add additional taxes and charges to further bleed us dry and destroy any chance We-the-People have to continue our usage of energy

Denied access to the national power grid, Sher is forced to use one of those typwriting birds from the The Flintstones to chisel her columns directly onto the Internet.

Yes, folks, the elephants are too numerous to list here. It will take many books to list them all.

I would recommend starting with the Dr. Seuss classic, Horton Hears a Home Invasion by Illegal Aliens.

[T]he problem we have is that — at least — the US Government Executive and Legislative branches are now a totalitarian entity that is willfully ignoring US citizens in favor of their own personal wealth and power; wealth and power that is now being stolen each and every day from all of us. And, this same government has begun to arrest and incarcerate political prisoners — those who oppose Obama.

Truly, one way or another it’s time to send Obama, his elephants and his elephant-trainers home — and that’s not the United States of America.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Because he was a socialist who stole my pajamas.

Get the Butterfly Net! | 22 Comments »