While much of the ex-gay industry seems a bit frantic in the wake of luggage-gate, one repurposed queer has tackled the real challenge facing America today: straightening the kink in Ricky Martin’s hose.
I’m always touched when the ex-gays share their love with the homos, especially when it doesn’t involve a cash transaction.
Note: Michael Glatze is a former gay-rights leader who left the homosexual lifestyle.
Well, I haven’t found much evidence that Michael was much of a gay rights activist, let alone a “leader” of the movement, but I’m sure the rest of the sentence is a sterling ingot of truth.
People like Ricky Martin, even if they don’t care about his sexuality. But I care about his sexuality. I care deeply about his sexuality
Wow, two dozen words into the column and it’s already getting skin-crawlingly creepy. Excuse me for just a sec — I’ve got to call the Guinness Book people. And the police.
– and about the sexuality of people on this planet. Because, you see, our sexuality is under attack.
…from space aliens whose ray guns can reverse the polarity of our junk!
Our increasingly perverted culture is engaging in an all-out war on human sexuality, with the idolization of the male body one of its bastions and the twisting of normal heterosexuality into active homosexuality as its main goal.
“We shall defend our Sexuality, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches of Ibiza. We shall fight in the bars and in the streets of Key West. We shall fight in the hills, and in other reality shows, we shall fight wherever men with tawny six-packs and taut, muffiny pecs are idolized.”
If masculinity can be undermined, the people will be without a powerful spine – and charismatic leaders with nothing but power and control in mind can assume that power and control.
Although, as it turns out, it’s really not that much fun being King of the Invertebrates, since it takes your minions forever to peel you a grape.
Ricky Martin, like many of us, had the pressure of a life of fame and the life of being successful on account of his sex appeal and physical appearance. And, like all people who suffer this temptation, the “gifts” of success can seem to outweigh the gifts of humility and denial of that success – in pursuit of higher principles. The pressure is immense.
So Michael wasn’t really homosexual. He was just too handsome and successful to be straight.
The pressure to succumb to homosexual desires is also immense.
Especially when you’re gay.
And this goes for anybody – homosexual desire is something that anybody can succumb to, just as it is something that anybody can turn away from.
Homosexuality can strike without warning. The Federal Civil Defense Administration recommends all citizens keep and maintain a Gay Preparedness Kit, including five (5) gallons of distilled water, fresh batteries, Black Pepper Shave Oil, bandages, antiseptic, hydrating skin toner, flashlight, and twelve (12) oz. of a botanical Restorative Hair Masque.
(It is one of the Big Lies of our culture that people are somehow born gay and that it is a fixed identity until that person’s death. Never believe this lie; countless individuals leave homosexual desire, leave the addiction of homosexual sin and have happy, normal, heterosexual lives. Never believe the lie.)
“Oh, and did I mention that I’m a former gay-rights leader who was driven to butt sex by the pressure of a life of fame and a life of being successful on account of my sex appeal and physical appearance?”
But the lie is so alluring. And, when you live your life bathed in sexual desire, when your identity is full of the notion that sexual desire equals success, it can be a quick “one-two” step into embracing the full perversion of homosexual desire and practice. Ricky, I feel for you.
Why do I picture Michael sitting at his desk, singing “You Made Me Love You” to a signed 8×10 glossy of Menudo?
Ricky, there are many people out there who had the same tempting offer of the homosexual life … and RESISTED IT! They fought that power! They turned away from that sin. They pushed through the dark allure – and they found the way out.
The best way to resist a tempting offer of the homosexual life is to raise your mighty sword aloft and cry, “By the Power of Greyskull…I have the POWER!…to RESIST!…getting a nice skuiljob. By turning into this oiled and naked bachelor with the psysique of a demi-god…Stop judging me!“
Today, they live happy, wholesome, heterosexual lives.
Speaking as someone who probably has more experience with heterosexuality than Michael, I would just like to offer a friendly bit of advice: don’t get your hopes up. Yes, it can be happy, but wholesome? Who do you think’s the primary audience for hentai? I hate to burst your bubble, but heterosexuals are insatiable pervs who hump like bunnies, often without benefit of clergy. We’re not all the Duggars.
I tell people all the time that the seduction of homosexuality is so powerful – especially when supported by charismatic presidents and powerful lobbying groups – that it can seem so much easier just to succumb, rather than fight. But that fight is for your very soul. This goes for everybody reading this, whether you identify as “gay” or “straight,” “Christian” or not – this is a battle for your soul.
Barack Obama has joined in a dark alliance with the Tobacco Institute to convince my soul to pole-smoke.
When the homosexual temptation arises in a human’s experience, it is always possible to avoid it – and push through.
Make sure you’re well-lubed at all times, just in case the homosexual temptation hits while you’re shopping for microwave soups at the A&P. Never know when you’ll need to push through.
Homosexuality is not just one form of human sexuality, not necessarily any different from heterosexuality.
It’s a many cock-headed Hydra of hotness!
Homosexuality is a cage in which you are trapped in an endless cycle of constantly wanting more – sexually – that you can never actually receive, constantly full of emptiness, trying to justify your twisted actions by politics and “feel good” language, constantly attempting to silence the voices of those who are simply trying to help get you out of that sin.
So it’s like being horny? Thanks for the exegesis, Sappho.
But even if all the millions of people like me are somehow silenced – and with our current corrupt U.S. administration, such a future is not necessarily science-fiction –
“It’s as though millions of voices cried out, and were suddenly silenced by a penis gag.”
Turn to God, save your soul, love yourself, and be strong. Homosexuality will always be a sin, no matter how nicely we talk about it.
“Hello, Bernice! My, your begonias are looking lovely this year.”
“Oh, thank you, Martha. Say, I was walking by the park last evening and saw Young Parker down on his knees behind the bandshell, deep throating the Simmons boy.”
“June’s oldest?”
“Heavens, no, he’s gone off to the agricultural college. It was Tommy, the one with the freckles and the stammer.”
“What a charming boy. He helped us set up the scavenger sale at the Community Center last month.”
“Yes, I remember. Anyway, he was punching Young Parker’s uvula like a welterweight working the speedbag.”
“Oh, how nice. And sinful!”
“And such a lovely night for it, although I suppose the farmers need the rain…”
If you think there’s love to be found in homosexual relationships, you’re right. There’s love everywhere. Even in the nastiest of places. But, if you truly – truly – follow that love, you will find that you cannot, in good conscience, condone an activity that leads to the destruction of the human body, that leads to the destruction of the human potential for creation and leads one into a downward spiral of confusion known as “the gay identity.”
“I finally found love — true love — with a beautiful, wonderful man. However, after talking to Michael, I’ve decided the best thing to do is to go live a lie, and maybe — if I’m lucky — find some fertile woman’s life to ruin.”
This is not “hate” speech;
It falls more in the “dumb” category.
hate speech will be what you’ll see in the mouths of homosexual activists after they read these words I have written. But notice the difference: They will be condemning me, personally, and saying the cruelest things a human being can say about another – while I am simply sitting here saying how much I love humanity, how much I deeply care for the well-being of those around me and how much I wish you, Ricky, had the conviction in your soul to know that you can quit this. You can quit this.
Insert Brokeback Mountain joke here.
The site Ex-Gay Watch looked at Michael’s blog and tweets back in October 2009, and caught the now well-adjusted former gay just kickin’ back and thinking out loud: (click the link and scroll down for a clearer image)
Someone claiming to be Michael showed up in the comments and declared:
So, I heard there was a blog posting about me, here, and I thought it’d be interesting to come check it out. Yes, I do love it when people talk about me – who wouldn’t? …
Obviously, the posting about Obama was a bit of acerbic sarcasm, aimed at the reality that ANY criticism of this man gets you labeled a racist. Obama’s not disgusting because he’s black, he’s disgusting because he seems to hate life, sanction evil, and want nothing more than to destroy America and re-make it in *HIS* image. Clear enough?
Keep calling people who tell the truth crazy, and you’ll only have your own guilt to deal with. Open up to the truth, and you might find you actually get to live, for once. But, don’t take my word for it, I’m just some “right-wing extremist whack-job” who not only hates gays but is racist to boot!!!!
Incidentally, I allowed that posting to remain on my blog because I thought it was just the right kind of fire to bring folks like you scurrying out of the darkness. So fun.
Anyway, Ex-Gay Watch blogger David Roberts took a more-sorrow-than-in-anger approach to the whole thing:
[W]e hope that any would-be Glatze promoters might think twice about placing him on the stage again. As Besen determined, that would be unwise and exploitative. Whether he is in need of help or is actually expressing genuine prejudice and hatred, giving him a platform would seem to be pointless and irresponsible at best.
Oops.