Dr. Professor Mike Adams, Townhall pundit and divorced father of none, is buttonholing America’s men today and delivering a few home truths about the proper way to raise a son:

Weak Negotiating Fathers

Right now, I’m waiting to board a flight in the Minneapolis airport. A young boy who is about two years old is throwing a tantrum and his father is pulling out a bag of goodies in an effort to appease him. The waiting areas in the A terminal of the Minneapolis airport are pretty small so I can’t get away from the noise. I’ll have to resume writing this column later.

I wish Dr. Mike had called that toddler out by name.  I’m sure we’d all like to send the kid a thank you card, maybe a Cookiepuss ice cream cake from Carvel, or a gift card to Toys R Us.

It’s temping to over-simplify the problem by saying that most fathers are afraid to discipline their children in public because there are cameras that record their actions and that those actions are increasingly monitored by the criminal courts. It is true that many acts we once called discipline are now called misdemeanors. But the problem is much broader.

Witnesses.

The civil courts have been so hijacked by radical feminism that a father’s right to see his own child is now seen as a privilege. Unless the mother actually murders her children she will get custody of them. The father who sees his children every other weekend won’t risk losing custody altogether. That is why any semblance of discipline often dies along with the marriage.

I can see why Dr. Mike hasn’t joined the breeders.  Those people are fucked up.

And it’s tempting to stop here and pretend we haven’t oversimplified the problem. But the war on fathers in the legal system really isn’t war. It is a battle in a larger war on men in our society-at-large. No one understands that war better than those of us who teach in higher education.

It’s amazing how many wars Dr. Mike is a veteran of, especially since his military experience is limited to a brief hitch in the KISS Army.

In the halls of academe feminists are pushing the idea that there are no inherent differences between men and women. The idea is simply too stupid to believe – even for most feminists. But feminists are no different than sorority girls in the sense that they will pretend to be stupid if it means they can get something without working.

When perusing Dr. Mike’s work, I’ve always found it highly beneficial to read between the lines, because none of his words appear there, and because one is often rewarded with shards of accidental autobiography that are far more entertaining than his actual topic.  In this case, I suspect that over the years more than one comely co-ed has briefly flirted with the professor in lieu of enduring his lectures, resulting in simultaneous grade and pants inflation.  But when it came time to settle accounts, it seems these (hypothetical) women all feigned an inability to decode the professor’s circumlocutory attempts to reach a quid pro quo.  Or at least a hand-job.

Their plan is simple: If male/female differences are all the result of patriarchal oppression, not biology, they can better argue for social engineering and the social welfare it entails.

And yet, Dr. Mike, who has often evangelized for female gun ownership, touting it’s leveling effect, isn’t much of a threat without his own arsenal, so I’m not sure what biological differences he’s troubled by in the classroom.  Unless he believes that women’s admittedly distinct reproductive organs account for their higher rates of college admission and graduation.

The feminist war on males…

Despite — or because of — Dr. Mike’s wide vocabulary of overcompensation (just skimming the titles of his past articles, we find: courage, courage, revolution, rapists, war, rape, hate, breasts, hate, hate, revolt, self-preservation, liberty, liberty, trigger angry, and murder) I can’t shake the feeling that deep down, he’s just a Steve Trevor in search of his Wonder Woman.  The sad thing is, there are probably dozens of professional doms in his area who have that costume and whose rates are reasonable! But instead of logging onto craigslist and gettin’ her done, he submits another column to Townhall, and we all have to suffer.

…reminds me very much of the war on Christians I once waged as an atheist. I enjoyed pointing to the hypocrisy of Christians.  But I only did it because bringing them down to my level was much easier than lifting myself up to theirs.

So, back when he was an atheist, Mike took issue with the contradictions inherent in American Christianity, which is certainly a legitimate subject for criticism, but he just did it to be an asshole.  Then he became a Christian, which is certainly a legitimate path to spiritual development, but he just did it to be assholier-than-thou.

Author’s Note: Dr.Adams’ debate this Thursday November 12th at UNC-Chapel Hill was cancelled. Because no one would debate him – approximately two dozen professors were asked – he will simply give a speech on affirmative action. The Youth for Western Civilization will sponsor the event, which begins at 7 p.m. in the Student Union Auditorium. There will be heavily armed security including Dr. Adams himself.

Wow.  Not a single professional educator responded (or even opened) Dr. Mike’s spam email challenging stupid feminists to a debate.  But since the hall was booked and paid for, he’ll be sitting on stage with his gun between 7 and 8:30 PM, complaining about Negroes.  Campus Police do not expect ticket scalping to be a problem.

With Dr. Mike | 45 Comments »

I’m faced with a bit of a dilemma tonight: either my pain meds are making me queasy, or it’s this column by RenewAmerica rookie Russ J. Alan (Some fear no backlash against Muslims).  Since I’ve already ingested the meds, and I can’t seem to stop reading Mr. Alan, there’s no way to scientifically determine which of the two is triggering my nausea; but I’ve been taking the pills for awhile now without any ill effect, so I’m going to assume my discomfort is an allergic reaction to Russ.  At least, I hope it is, since the medication is actually beneficial, and considerably less racist.

Russ, as you’ve probably surmised from the title of his piece, is quivering like a blancmange at the prospect that American racism, despite a long and resilient tradition, may not be up to the task of exploiting the Fort Hood massacre.  But first, let him couch his beliefs in a little biological determinism:

It’s ok to be picky about what breed of dog we get, maybe a German Shepherd, because they have a particular instinct to protect their owner’s property, or if we want to kill moles in our yard maybe a Rat Terrier is best at that, or if we want a particularly affectionate cat we go for an Abyssinian. It’s ok for an Atlanta Falcons quarterback to stereotype Pit Bulls as the best killing dogs since they are bred to fight to the death.

It’s ok for birds to discriminate. Black birds migrate together and white birds flock together and yellow ones and red ones hang with their own kind. It’s ok to say that Blue Jays kick other birds out of the feeder and gold finches prefer Niger thistle seed best while Robins prefer worms. It’s their instinct, you see, it’s genetics.

It seemed odd that Russ made “Niger thistle seed” a link, until I realized he was probably part of the Amazon Associates program, and if enough of us click through and buy Niger seeds, he’ll be able to afford that extra “g” he’s had his eye on.

It is not ok to say that Japanese men are better suited to get in and out of a Toyota Prius or wear smaller than size 10 shoe than women who are Polish, nor to say that black people are better suited for warm climates, even though there are only five African-Americans in Great Falls, Montana, and four of them are at Malmstrom Air Force Base (the city of Great Falls has an annual all-white Martin Luther King birthday parade).

Despite Russ’ carefully researched proof that Mother Nature is a bigot, there are still “politically correct” hippies who won’t let him use the diet of finches to excuse racial separatism, even after he’s gone to the trouble of counting all the Negroes in Montana.

Speaking of military bases, it is unclear how many Muslims of Arabic descent are in the US military. Estimates of anywhere between 3500 to 12,000 have been thrown around. Why don’t we know for sure?

Maybe because it wouldn’t really prove anything?  John Walker Lindh, the “American Taliban” wasn’t of Arabic descent.  Nor was “shoe bomber” Richard Reid, nor “dirty bomber” Jose Padilla.  Of course, none of them were in the U.S. military, unlike, say, Timothy McVeigh.

It is because they aren’t allowed to count them. Same reason we frisk a snow white red-headed grandma at the airport but we can’t stop an olive skinned man with a keffiyeh on his head — we don’t want to be accused of “profiling” in this politically correct country we live in.

Whenever I’m going through airport security I try to avoid standing in line behind any snow white red-headed grandmas, because nothing excites the suspicion of TSA agents more than an elderly albino with a henna rinse.

Never mind 3,500 to 12,000 possible Muslims in the military. What if it is an average of only two per military installation? Never mind Muslims in the military… why do we have them in the country period?

There’s a Zyklon-B shortage?

Never mind the country — why do we have one in the oval office?

That sentence is such a highly sophisticated alloy of stupidity and bigotry, I wonder if Russ has an engineering background.  Let’s check his bio, shall we?

Russ J. Alan is a political philosophist and writer. He served in the Department of Defense in Europe during the Cold War under President Reagan (1980-82).  After working in engineering (1983-92), Russ was involved in the business development, marketing, and financial sector (1992-2001). He then worked in commercial construction (2001-2006). Currently, he is an adventurist and conservative political writer.

My dad wanted me to study to become an adventurist, but I couldn’t handle the math.

Though we are not allowed to stereotype anybody, we are all familiar with the explorations regarding whether or not it is possible for a good Muslim be a good American.

“I’m not racist!  I’m simply exploring racism.”

His allegiance is to Allah, The moon god of Arabia.

“The moon god of…?”  The hell…?  Sounds like somebody’s been reading Jack Chick tracts again.

No other religion is accepted by his Allah except Islam.

What a jealous God.  I’m glad our Judeo-Christian God is totes cool about us having other gods before him.

His allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews.

I don’t think it’s all Christians and Jews, Russ.  I just think he doesn’t like you.

He cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt.

Well this stereotype sounds like kind of a jerk.  I’m glad he’s in your anxiety closet and not mine.

Yet, the only thing troubling folks in military command like Army Chief of Staff George Casey for instance, is the possibility of a “backlash” against Muslims in the military as a result of the shootings.

Oh, I wouldn’t worry, there wasn’t a huge backlash against creepy white guys from Texas when George Hennard killed 24 people at a cafeteria just outside Fort Hood in 1991.

We need to be “troubled” at the probability that there won’t be a backlash against Muslims.

If we let this golden opportunity for a nationwide pogrom slip through our fingers, we’ll have to answer to God on Judgment Day!

I just hope it’s the right God…Boy, wouldn’t that be embarrassing!

Can I Peek Under Your Hood? | 49 Comments »

Riley and Moondoggie, once mortal enemies (okay, that’s not strictly true; Riley hated him, but Moondoggie adored her at first sight — just like a romantic comedy!) have finally achieved a modus vivendi, at least so far as sharing the recliner is concerned.  However, Moondoggie, as you can see, is a bit of a bed hog:

He inevitably pushes Riley against the arm of the chair, causing her to become increasingly dense and compact, like a black hole.   And he’s the world’s heaviest sleeper, wholly bereft of those feline reflexes that cause Riley (and just about every other cat I’ve ever known) to snap alert at the slightest disturbance.  When Moondoggie naps, he means business, remaining deaf to remonstrations and dead to the world.

Riley, on the other hand, sleeps with one eye open, ready to give the paparazzi a withering glare:

“Don’t just stand there.  Grab a spatula and flip him over.”

Wild Things | 1 Comment »

Pastor Swank has shifted into zenith gear and is cranking out the columns on a daily basis again, and as we know from our long and careful study of the pastor’s oeuvre, as he grows more prolific, his prose becomes less intelligible and more entertaining.  In fact, he starts things off in classic Swank as a Second Language style with an article-free, semi-bestial grunt:

You pay abortions, Pelosi

…then slides immediately into some of our favorite Swankian tropes:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is so intent on slaughtering womb babies that she vows to cement it in the blanket health care travesty.

A “cement blanket” is similar to the infamous “cement overshoes” employed by the Mafia, but is generally considered more age appropriate for a fetus.  However, the joke will be on Speaker Pelosi, when she discovers just how labor-intensive it can be to try drowning something that spends all its time floating in liquid.

For those who want to read Pelosi’s killer sentence, go to line 16, page 96, section 213, under ‘Insurance Rating Rules.’

But like the , the sentence is lethal, so you should probably wait until the health care travesty has been translated into German before you read it.

Pelosi prides herself on being a model mother. Her husband and children sit alongside her in family photos. There you have it — the liberal American household with smiling-teeth Mom at the center.

Devotees of the penny dreadful will recall that before ascending to the Speakership, Smiling-Teeth Mom and Spring Heeled Jack kept Victorian London in the grip of terror.

What an accomplished female she has become — from California on West Coast to Washington DC on East Coast.

To paraphrase Dr. Johnson, a woman managing to travel from the West Coast to the East Coast is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs.  It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.

She’s the queen mother of the nation, bound to set us free from biblical values. She’s worked night and day with liberal chaps of like evil bent to undercut every scriptural ethic.

That’s how you can identify Democrats at a glance.  They’re the Queen Mothers working day and night with liberal chaps of evil bent to undercut scripture, while Republicans are the Queens bent over in assless chaps for guys who are 8 inches cut.

Pelosi, Catholic, detests the Roman Catholic moral base endorsed by devout biblical churchmen and women. She does not mind flying in the face of her own spiritual leaders worldwide.

So, the Pastor has become a Papist, eh?  I guess forty years of trying and failing to achieve transubstantiation on his Milton Bradley Home Altar has finally driven Swank into the arms of Mother Church.  On the bright side, the fact that his one child is adopted will go a long way toward helping him get that Annulment.

Those white teeth and broad smile circled her words of religiosity.

Swank really hates the Speaker’s teeth.

How dumb does she think we are? Pretty dumb, obviously.

I’m sure she’ll reconsider after reading your column, Pastor.

This space cadet of a House Speaker is so dangerous.

All together now:  How dangerous IS she?

She stands next in line to Marxist Muslim Barack Hussein Obama. The two are out to rob the Republic of its Christian heritage. Total secularization is their aim. Ditto Europe’s godlessness.

It’s like a really cool heist movie.  Obama and Pelosi have assembled a team of specialists, and they’re planning to rob the Republic of its Christian heritage, and steal Europe’s godlessness…all in one night!

Now with the health plan propped for a “go,”

Thunderbirds!..Are!…(propped for a)…GO!

she does not renege regarding the sentence sentencing womb infants to the dumpster.

Meet the World’s Deadliest Assassin.  Her victim?  The Fetus.  Her battlefield?  The Womb.  Her murder weapon:  Homonyms.

With that one sentence

Would that sentence be the killer sentence that sentences?

…all of us would be paying out for the guillotine laced around every unborn babies’ neck. Is this what America at its best stands for?

No!  For one thing, don’t lace it.  According to most early childhood experts, your fetus should wear the guillotine loosely around its neck — assuming it’s developed one — otherwise it presents a potential choking hazard.

It’s time to dump Pelosi and all her cadre. It’s time to take advantage of the recent moralist surge in November’s elections.

Yes, when it comes to Congressional races, it’s the moral victory that matters.

As rich and deep a vein as the Pastor is, I feel a little bad hacking away at him two days in a row, so I thought I’d give him a treat by arranging a play date with another sparkling hunk of pyrite.  As you may recall, D.Sidhe recently suggested we pay a call on Ann “Babe” Huggett.  Like Nancy Pelosi, “Babe” also hails from San Francisco, where, according to her RenewAmerica bio, she works as a “freelance writer and the Associate Editor and Publisher of TheRealityCheck.org. She is the co-owner and moderator of Free Britannia.org, a conservative British-American site dedicated to events affecting the Anglosphere. Ann is currently appearing as an on air radio talent as “Babe” Huggett, with co-host Warner Todd Huston, on Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Conservatism on Blog Talk Radio.”

By “on air radio” she means “one of those internet live chat sites that are to radio broadcasting what those ‘Make Your Own 45′ recording booths in Seaside Heights, New Jersey were to Capitol Records,” and by “talent” I presume she means “a faint resemblance to Eddie Izzard after a night of hard drinking.”

This week, Babe explains that famous liberals will be of no use to you if you’re attacked in a dark alley by crowbar-wielding lesbians:

Who would you rather have with you as back-up in that dark alley?

And she opens with a sentence that, while not lethal, makes me think she and Swank were meant for each other:

London’s flamboyant, bike-commuting mayor, Boris Johnson, did something rather extraordinary earlier this week in that criminal paradise known as the UK where self-defense and “have-a-go heroes” face prosecution for stopping crimes before the police can get there purposely too late in order to just have to fill out paperwork.  In the UK, where everyone basically quails before the whims of the violent, Boris Johnson confronted a gang of teenage girls (one armed with an iron bar), who were threatening an older woman.

If only more leftists were attacked by the cast of Cinemax After Dark movies and saved by cool, bicycle-riding conservatives, there’d be no need to have our tea outdoors.

With his reputation as an out-of-control rugby player still hanging around him like a miasma, big, burly Johnson sped up on his bike to help the founder of the environmentalist 10:10 campaign and film director, Franny Armstrong (The Age of Stupid) as the wolf pack of girls descended on her.

Aside from Man, wolves have only one natural predator: the Miasma.

The world is a scary, dangerous place, full of violent peoples within AND without, who want to see you dead, our nation destroyed and their greedy ideology triumphant.

I’m actually not too concerned about the violent peoples within the world, since I’ve seen the Mole Men, and if John Agar can deal with them, how tough can they be?  As for the violent peoples without the world, I’m not going to worry until they develop faster-than-light spare travel and show up here brandishing an iron bar.

We just went through an off-year election where Republicans cleaned the clock of the Jackass Party

Thanks, Moralist Surge!

The Democrats still control DC, the media and have a finely oiled smear machine that can spring into action at a moment’s notice.

Maybe if we can stop them from oiling the springs of their smear machine it’ll seize up.  Then they might get angry at their springs, inadvertently summoning Coily, the Spring Sprite, who would curse their sofa cushions and window shades!

The hysteria that they will unleash on the public as the 2010 elections approach will be overwhelming so maybe if voters ask themselves this one simple question in the voting booth, they could actually make an intelligent decision when they pull that lever.

I’m surprised, but gratified to see that “Babe,” unlike so many pundits, is rejecting the politics of fear and sensation, and attempting to elevate the debate by appealing to reason and focusing on the issues that most affect ordinary Americans.

The question is this: If I were in a dark alley and needed back-up, who would I rather have with me?

Well, if one of my choices is Ann “Babe” Huggett, I think I’d rather go with Sgt. Suzanne “Pepper” Anderson.  But the Pastor’s Playmate makes the selection easy by supplying us with a list of opposites, including:

A Democrat or a Republican?

A conservative or a RINO??

The extra question mark is for extra emasculation.

A patriot or an internationalist?

I guess it would depend where this dark alley was, because if it were abroad, then the patriot might actually band together with the local lesbian gang in the name of national unity to stave my head in with a tire iron.  And then I’d find myself, in those few brief, flickering moments before the blackness swallowed me up, wishing someone with more of a cosmopolitan flavor would wander by.

A US service man or a war protester?

I think I’d split the difference and guess Megan McArdle, in the alley, with a 2×4.

A candidate for everyone or someone, who is counting on racial or ethnic loyalty?

I, uh…Hm.  Pass, pass!

A non-responsive incumbent or grassroots new blood?

Well, if the incumbent’s pupils are non-responsive, there could be internal injuries and we night need to ask the grassroots to donate that new blood.

A corrupt, lobbyist-lovin’ fat cat or a Constitutionalist?

This one’s easy.  I never met a Constitutionalist yet who wasn’t hiding a razor in his shoe.

Someone of the people or a spoiled prat from an elitist, ruling class family?

So my choice is Bill Clinton or George W. Bush?  I’m gonna go with the Big Dog.  As long as the Mini-Skirt Mob isn’t armed with a Miasma, we should be fine.

Live from the Asylum | 33 Comments »

I was on my way to a meeting in Santa Monica today, and happened to walk by one of my favorite pieces of devotional Art Deco, Our Lady of the Seas in Palisade Park.

Some people cross themselves as they pass; I reflexively reach for the iPhone.

For No Good Reason | 9 Comments »

I was feeling a little depressed about the repeal of marriage equality in Maine, when it suddenly hit me: Who better to seek spiritual comfort from in this dark time than J. Grant Swank, Pastor of Our Lady of Wyndham Church and Breakfast Nook?  Surprisingly, however, Pastor Swank doesn’t appear particularly interested in his local politics this week, choosing instead to pull up the collar of his trenchcoat, tug down the snap brim of his Fedora, and shadow the President around town.

Barack Hussein Obama discounts the realism of the final check-out.

We said check out’s at 11 and we meant it!

His pride is in zenith gear at the moment; no doubt his residence at Pennsylvania Avenue does him no good in correcting that.

No, you got a bum zenith gear, you’re gonna want to take ‘er back to the Dealer if she’s still under warranty.

Obama early on stated that he answered an ‘altar call’ at Chicago’s Trinity United Church of Christ. For an altar call to be scheduled in a liberal sanctuary is something else. He witnessed that he met Christ at that juncture.

Subject Obama and J. Christ then walked three blocks north on Decatur, and stopped for lunch at a diner called “Mother’s.”  Subject Obama had a plain hamburger patty with a Cling peach and cottage cheese on the side, and a glass of ice tea.  Subject Christ had some wafers and a glass of blood.

That church would have had to be white-hating Jeremiah Wright’s. How all Wright’s rant fits in with an old-fashioned Dwight L. Moody style altar call is beyond me.

Turned out the call was for Phillip Morris.  Scratch another lead.

Nevertheless, the point is that Obama has not followed through with a biblical lifestyle or scriptural ethics in public life; consequently, whatever happened in his soul was not a bone fide conversion to Christ as Lord.

Seems this Christ fellow went by a whole host of aliases: The Carpenter’s Son, Horn of Salvation, Holy Thing, Head of the Corner, First begotten of the dead, Lamb of God, the Living Bread, Root of Jesse, Rose of Sharon, and the Notorious I.N.R.I.  (Coincidentally, “Bone-A-Fide” is the title of Christian rapper T-Bone’s 2005 album.)

Obama in fact belongs to one of the arch-theologically liberal denominations in existence. He attended for two decades a demented cultic type local church overseen by a warped black preacher who taught black elitism vs. white values.

I figured Obama had a enough juice in this town to fix the fight, so I called my bookie and laid a double sawbuck on black elitism.

Therefore, for Obama to continue on the theologically liberal journey is to understand how he takes no serious note of the Judgment Seat of Christ. The theologically liberal carve our their own religion, even calling it “Christian.”

Obama and his gang had been bootlegging Salvation, but now the Revenue boys were onto ‘em.

Obama is a prime example of this persona. His wife joins him in that.

Now that he is in the Oval Office, hubris rules his life more than ever, though in prior years it propelled him to claim the impossible.

Like a snake who talks, or some dead guy who hopped off the slab and ankled out of the Morgue. Crazy stuff.

That has led the non-thinking to follow him in mob hysteria, giving him messianic status.

Which is why Christ wanted to sit down and parley, once he heard Obama was muscling in on his territory.

The Bible teaches that every mortal will appear at the Judgment Seat of Christ at death. That includes every human born since Adam and Eve. That includes those of every religion and of no religion. One cannot escape the final check-out — the Judgment Seat of Christ.

Sanitized For Your Protection.

It is at that experience that the soul confronts the One who said He was “the way, the truth and the life.” Each of us therefore stands before Eternal Truth in Christ. Each of us gives an account of every motive, word and deed that transpired during our lifetime.

And make sure you and your pals get your stories straight before you go downtown, ’cause Christ is gonna double-check your alibi.

Obama will do the same. However, by his support of sodomy, for instance, he evidently does not care that God does not support sodomy.

Sort of like the Republicans in New York’s 23rd Congressional District who don’t support Republicans.

It is the same with his endorsement of killing womb babies. Obama has no regard for deity’s abhorrence of abortion.

Although deity seems fine with spontaneous abortion.  Maybe it’s like Planned Parenthood and he’s getting a cut of the action.

Obama lies. Therefore, he has no qualms about sleeping with lies accumulating during his daily rounds.

Obama is totally opportunistic. He says and does what will further Obama, not adhering to scriptural expectations.

Now of course there are scores of others who live that same immorality; however, what is unique about Obama naturally is that he is the President of the United States. His power over America is exerted mainly in the groove of anti-God, anti-Bible.

I wondered how Obama Got His anti-God Groove Back.

In that, real Christians follow through by having faith to believe that miracles are possible, even Barack Hussein Obama finding a brokenness of heart before the Lord. He can confess his sins, repent of his hubris and reach out for divine acceptance.

At present, all of that does not seem to be in the offing. Nevertheless, real Christians always pray sincerely for the impossible.

Just don’t claim the impossible.  You don’t wanna wind up in the White House like that Obama guy.

And so they intercede on behalf of Barack Hussein and Michelle Obama and their children to be genuinely saved.

Yes, according to these photos and surveillance reports from Grant Swank, the Continental Oops, even Sasha and Malia are headin’ straight for Hell.  Think about that the next time you’re tempted to buy one of those knock-off Louis Vuitton bags from some stall on Canal Street.  Stick with the national brand savior, and always ask for Christ by name.

Oh Lord | 32 Comments »

Radio gabber and Townhall pundit Sandy Rios was last seen explaining that pro-choice people should stop their sobbin’ about Dr. George Tiller’s murder in the cathedral, because he was an abortion provider and therefore his “church” was obviously a coven of pagans who were only pretending to be Lutherans because of the superior cuisine.  And lucky for us, Sandy brings that same detached and rational style of analysis to this week’s column:

Marriage in  Maine: Why We’d Better Fight

Now that we know what President Obama’s “Safe Schools Czar” Kevin Jennings means by “safe,” we’d better start putting the pieces together on homosexual activism and fight back.

The beautiful old state of Maine faces a battle that will affect us all.

Gay lobsters will come out of the closet, and convert others, and suddenly those wrestling matches in the lobster tank at the front of fancy seafood restaurants will become embarrassingly homoerotic.  Worse, gay lobsters do not breed, they adopt, which will devastate the fishing industry in the Pine Tree State and drive up the price of surf ‘n’ turf all across this once great land.

Will they vote “yes” to maintain traditional marriage on November 3rd or will they not? … If we believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, we’d better mobilize. But marriage is just one piece of this puzzle. Let me tell you why.

Much has been reported about the “Safe Schools Czar,” not the least of which is his desire to “Queer Elementary Education.”  That is the creepy title of the book for which he wrote the forward along with no-longer-underground-Bill Ayers.

Actually, the title is “Queering Elementary Education,” but let’s not quibble.  And William Ayers’ name appears nowhere in the book, which only proves that he not only secretly authored Barack Obama’s autobiographies, but Kevin Jennings’ work as well!  In fact, he’s ghost-writing this post right now.  Sandy’s too.  The guy’s more prolific than Joyce Carol Oates.

And the title actually means what you think it means.

Unless you think it means what Sandy thinks you think it means.

Publisher’s Description:  Queering Elementary Education is not about teaching kids to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight. It’s not part of a sinister stratagem in the “gay agenda.” …Queer teachers are those who develop curriculum and pedagogy that afford every child dignity rooted in self-worth and esteem for others. In short, queering education happens when we look at schooling upside down and view childhood from the inside out. This groundbreaking volume demands we explore taken-for-granted assumptions about diversity, identities, childhood, and prejudice.

The book is filled with child-adult sex

So it’s kind of like the Bible.

including the story of a lesbian mom and her daughter lusting for the same girl in the playground.

The Amazon “Look Inside” feature doesn’t allow access to the entire text, but I didn’t see anything quite so salacious in the table of contents, which mainly features some rather dry and academic-sounding monographs.  But just because Sandy can’t remember the title of the book she’s basing her argument on is no reason to assume she didn’t actually read it.  So just get that silly thought right out of your head.

Homosexual activists have your kids in their sights.

Homosexuals are like Charles Whitman, sitting atop a phallic-shaped tower, peering through a telescopic sight at your children and preparing to pull the trigger on his love gun, love gun.

The next generation is very important to them—and not only for the purposes of propaganda.

Homosexual activists want your children in every way.

To quote Joel Robinson: “I wonder what her Briggs-Myers test looks like.”

In order to achieve that, it is necessary to mainstream homosexuality so that anyone opposing it is severely ostracized or punished as a result. But, of course, we’re there. Matt Barber, while working for All State Insurance, wrote—on his own time—an article opposing homosexuality and was subsequently fired.

Ah yes, Matt “Bam Bam” Barber, Heterosexual Martyr and, like Sandy, a former Concerned Woman for America.  S.Z. adjusted the claims adjuster’s claims when he first made them back in 2005 (scroll down to “Allstate Persecutes Christian”):

Well, if you read further down, our martyr, J. Matt Barber, says that it wasn’t solely because he wrote that column.  He adds that Allstate was actually looking for an excuse to get rid of him because he tattled on his boss’s boss for public displays of affection with a female doctor at a conference in Lisbon. 

“He was a married man,” Barber explained. “It made me very uncomfortable, especially because we investigate sexual harassment.”

And since it made Matt uncomfortable, he filed a sexual harassment complaint against the manager.

Reading the whole post, it’s apparent Allstate fired Matt not for bigotry, but for impersonating a Dilbert character.

Only positive examples of “gayness” have been presented in television, movies and media in order to normalize and de-stigmatize homosexuality.

I’d have thought “crappy internet bulletin board posing as an online magazine” would have qualified as a medium.

Young Americans can hardly remember when or why homosexuality was once taboo.

I hear ya.  I was talking to my 8-year old niece the other day, and it was clear she could barely recollect a world in which Arianism posed an existential threat to Trinitarianism.  Kids today have no appreciation for our struggle.

(By the way, Sandy?  If you think young Americans can’t conceive of homosexuality being taboo, you haven’t talked to an adolescent boy lately.)

After the famous Britney Spears/Madonna kiss there was an epidemic of teenage girls experimenting with lesbianism, kissing in public, emulating their idols for all to see.

Then all those teenage girls married wannabe rappers, shaved their heads, and turned into white trash baby chutes.

Through Gay-Straight Alliance Clubs, established by Safe Schools Czar Jennings and his former organization GLSEN, children—even in grade school—have been encouraged to “come out.”

There’s clearly no need for an organization that seeks to defend at-risk gay youth.

“WASHINGTON, July 8, 2009 – Sirdeaner Walker, the mother of 11-year-old Carl Walker-Hoover, who died by suicide after enduring constant bullying at school, testified today in front of the House Subcommittees on Early Childhood, Elementary and Secondary Education and Healthy Families and Communities on Wednesday in support of the Safe Schools Improvement Act – federal legislation to require that schools adopt anti-bullying policies.”

See?  These little problems have a way of working themselves out.

Gay activists had a plan which they laid out in great detail in a 1989 book called “After the Ball.” And they had help in high places. For over 20 years, the National Education Association has been aggressively pushing homosexuality.

You know, my wife’s a teacher, and those leadbottoms at the NEA have never gotten around to aggressively pushing homosexuality on her.  In fact, they haven’t even gently nudged enough bisexuality on her to inspire a decent chance for a threesome.  What the hell are we paying dues for?

Homosexuality was introduced in every area of the curriculum with American history rewritten to accommodate a “gay” Abraham Lincoln and literature and reading assignments filled with stories of graphic homosexual sex.

Oh boo hoo.  When I was in school we had to read O Pioneers! and what I wouldn’t have given for a literary reach-around during Third Period English…

The teachers were had, or they were silent and the children unprotected and ripe for the picking.

But that’s the kind of work Americans won’t do, so undocumented Mexican homosexuals had to be trucked in to pick the children before they rotted in the field.

Mothers went soft, refusing to believe their own schools were presenting such outrageous materials, while at the same time believing they were being compassionate to the gay community. It was all part of the strategy, after all, helped greatly by presenting sympathetic characters and stories of bullying and brutality to canonize homosexuals as victims in order to get the sympathy of women, who naturally want justice. Matthew Shepard’s death worked beautifully for this

Yes, Matthew was quite the little prankster, but I think even you gals will admit that when he was found beaten and left for dead, crucified on a fence, the joke was on his mother.

Matthew became a cause célèbre and mothers turned their heads from the sexualization of their own children in order to show empathy with gay relatives and friends.

So mothers let their daughters dress up in inappropriately sexy clothing to make homosexuals feel better about gay bashing?

The strategy looks something like this: Sexual orientation laws (protecting homosexuality as equal to race and religion)

Well, that’s an outrage, and such laws should be repealed immediately!  After all, homosexuality and race are innate, but religion is a choice, and if those whiners don’t like being on the receiving end of violence and discrimination, they can simply change their beliefs and worship the god or gods preferred by the majority.

Anyway, you were saying that “[s]exual orientation laws” lead to…?

…lead to hate crimes law (giving uber law enforcement protection to gays, lesbians and transgendered persons) which lead to hate speech laws that eventually silence free speech—even the preaching of pastors in churches.

I love how Sandy’s slippery slope argument is presented as a fait accompli.  It’s so much easier to win a debate when you pretend your outlandish worst case scenario is history, rather than hypothetical.

Using the Bible to teach God’s design for sex expressed only in the union between one man and one woman for a lifetime has become a criminal act in countries where hate crimes and speech laws have been enacted.

Yeah, I’ll worry about that when we also get those countries’ single-payer health care systems.

And that brings us to the marriage debate. It is not unconnected.

You could’a fooled me, sister.

Homosexual activists don’t want marriage. They want the total breakdown of traditional family relationships.

Tell ‘em to relax, the straight folks have that covered.

Teh GAYZ! | 32 Comments »

You know, people often stop to ask me, “Mary, what’s the surest way to a man’s heart?”, and I always respond, “A sharp knife and a tire jack to crack open the rib cage!”

Then, based on the look on their faces at my answer, I realize they aren’t talking about do-it-yourself open heart surgery and are actually talking about food.  Which is good, because I know more about food than open heart surgery, anyway.

And so begins the first in an irregularly posted series of favorite recipes, The Kitchen Report, With MaryC.

Tonight’s recipe will be a welcome addition to the kitchen of any fan of the Twice Baked Honey Chicken dish which was served proudly by the famous Largo supper club at it’s original location of Fairfax.

Oh, the fun times we had in that dark little club, shoulder to shoulder with fans of alternative comedy and music, hoping the dish would get to our table before the show began.  Ah, memories.

Anyway, once I had eaten the famous dish, I was determined to figure out how to make it.  Early attempts did not go well.  I found out I really don’t understand the cooking term, “twice baked”, because when I did it, all I got was “burnt beyond recognition”.

Enter into my kitchen (of all things), Weight Watchers.  Well, to be more specific, Weight Watchers Five Ingredient 15 Minute Cookbook, a magazine-like edition from 2006 which is no longer in print.  In that magazine thing, was a recipe for Honey-Pecan Chicken Breasts.  I’m not a fan of pecans, but the rest of it sounded pretty good, so I decided to make it-sans pecans, of course.

I read the directions, gathered the ingredients, and (to paraphrase Largo entertainer extraordinaire, Paul F. Tompkins) I made that thing, and it was delicious.  In fact, it was the VERY same dish I had come to love at Largo!

And now you too, can have that fabulous dish at home, and it will probably be on your dinner table way faster than if you had it at Largo’s.

Bon Appetite!

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Twice Baked Honey Chicken Breasts

INGREDIENTS:

2 tablespoons of low sodium soy sauce

2 tablespoons of honey

3/4 of a cup of crushed Kellogg’s Cornflakes (Available in the same aisle of your store where they keep the Shake n Bake.  Oh, and I tend to just pour out the crushed cornflakes on a paper plate.  I don’t really measure it. But that’s just me. I’m a rebel like that)

4 (6 oz) skinless, boneless, chicken breasts. (Actually, that’s not a hard and fast ingredient.  You can just use two. Same diff.)

Cooking Spray

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees

2. Combine soy sauce and honey in a shallow bowl. Set aside.  Pour crushed cornflakes out onto a paper plate.

3. Dip chicken breasts into soy sauce and honey mixture; dredge in crushed cornflakes, pressing cornflakes onto chicken if necessary. Place chicken breasts on a foil lined baking sheet coated with cooking spray.

4. Bake at 425 degrees for 20 to 22 minutes or until chicken is golden and done.

(h/t to Weight Watchers Five Ingredient 15 Minute Cookbook)

————————————————————–

I like to serve this dish in the classic Largo fashion: a side of mashed potatoes and a green salad:

Good Eatz | 21 Comments »

Today is the natal anniversary of our drinking buddy and fellow toiler in the vineyards of show biz, Chris Vosburg.  Here’s the traditional photo of Ann Coulter, fresh from her Glamour Shot session at the Shoppingtown mall at Trumbull:

What Becomes a Legend Most?  Pelts!

Ahhh, I just love to slip into something dead!

Celebrated for his enlightening and entertaining performances in Comments, Chris is also a noted MST3K scholar, and East Hollywood’s leading advocate for obscure Dutch rock bands.  As one would imagine, such a varied c.v. suggests that November 1st has seen the birth of a large and heterogeneous collection of dignitaries, and so it has.  Also born on this day:

Dennis Muran (Occupation: Artist)  Designed special effects for Star Wars.
Louis the Stammerer (Occupation: King of France).  Louis was the son of Charles the Bald and the Father of Charles the Fat and Charles the Simple.  He was also the creator of Charles in Charge.

Aishwarya Rai (Occupation: Actress, Singer, Prancer About)  Queen of Bollywood and an good excuse to wash the lingering Ann Coulter off our retinas.
Marcel Ophüls (Occupation: Motion Picture Director) The Sorrow and the Pity, Annie Hall
Grantland Rice (Occupation: Newspaperman)  Dean of American Sports Writers and Father of Minute
Edward Said (Occupation: Educator)  Author and apparently some sort of traitor
Larry Flynt (Occupation: Business)  Prevailed over in the Supreme Court, and outlived, Jerry Falwell

Now let’s see what the heavenly bodies have in store for you:

The rulers of your Sun in Scorpio are Pluto and Mars. You are intense, passionate, perceptive, and determined.

You are also a cartoon dog with a yen for nougat, almonds, caramel and milk chocolate.

Your need to know, combined with superb intuition, makes you an excellent detective.

In fact, you’ve probably already deduced that this is all bullshit.

Your secondary ruler is Uranus.

I think that means Uranus is a bottom.

Scorpio, the scorpion: Planet: Pluto and Mars; Element: Water; Quality: Fixed; Mortgage: Adjustable; Color: Burgundy; Day: Tuesday; Weld: Also Tuesday; Stone: Topaz; Clamp?  Sponge; Part of Body Ruled: Genitals; Motto: I control; Question: You control your genitals? Can you do tricks with ‘em, like those Puppetry of the Penis guys?;  Energy: Yin

Sun Conjunct Khambalia
This fixed star has a Mercury/Mercury influence, and suggests a penetrating mind, the ability to get to the root of a matter and to uncover secrets.

It’s also the only Sun Conjunct that sounds like a fake country from a late 60s spy novel.

Your progressed Sun enters Sagittarius at age 21.

So there’s no question about the age of consent.

Your progressed Sun enters Capricorn at age 50.

Thus we assume that Capricorn is a hot cougar.

Thanks for making World O’ Crap one of your blog stops, Chris.  Have a great birthday, and enjoy the goat-horned MILF.

Birthdays | 34 Comments »