I bailed out of the Emmy broadcast early — when they began to honor reality programming — and surfed to RenewAmerica in search of entertainment, where it dawned on me that Hollywood was missing a golden opportunity in Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq. After all, shows about doctors are popular, and so are shows about lawyers; and while she’s actually a dentist, Dr. Taitz is not only a bona fide attorney licensed to malpractice in the state of California, she is also the most notable graduate of Taft Law School, a non-accredited correspondence course that will teach you to, in John Houseman’s immortal words from The Paper Chase, “think like a lawyer,” or how to draw Sparky, depending on whether you scored higher on the LSAT or that Free Art Test from the back of Mystery in Space comics.
Plus, there’s her sex appeal. One need only gaze at the good doctor’s head shot to see that she was made for TV — specifically, The Real Housewives of Orange County — not to mention her preternaturally glossy lips, and her creative use of Crest White Strips (I knew they worked great on teeth, but I never would have thought to apply them directly to my scalp!). Finally, there’s her demonstrated flair for the dramatic; in the very first sentence of her column, she dubs President Obama “the Usurper,” in much the way characters in the Harry Potter universe refer to Voldemort as “He Who Must Not Be Named.”
I am getting close to removing the Usurper, and there are more and more vicious rumors about me and my whole family. It is 5:30 in the morning and I had to cut on sleep yet again to take some time and debunk all those vicious rumors.
As most folks know, you can debunk regular rumors 9 to 5, but with vicious rumors, you really gotta keep farmer’s hours.
First, there was a rumor that there is a declaration by Larry Sinclair filed with court. Please, go on Pacer, it is a public record. There is nothing there, no such declaration. People need to understand that a person cannot just come from the street and file a declaration or an affidavit.
A person must come first from the Post Office with her mail order diploma.
There was a rumor that Philip Berg somehow became part of my case with judge Carter and filed a subpoena to ambassador of Kenya as part of this case. Again, Berg has nothing to do with this case. There is nothing in the case having to do with Berg.
Yeah, I guess so. I just wish I knew if Berg was somehow involved…
Lastly, there was a vicious rumor that my husband is somehow connected with swine flu and swine flu vaccine. Again, ridiculous rumor.
I imagine there’s no more galling an indignity for the professional conspiracy theorist than to have to waste her time refuting wild accusations.
My husband studied computer science and business. He never studied pharmacology, doesn’t know pharmacology and wouldn’t know the difference between a virus and an elephant.
So your husband’s an idiot.
He is a CEO of a company that produces a software, which is a tool used in research. It is used by many universities in the country. It is used in agriculture research, in chemical research, in any research that deals with molecules and computation of properties of molecules, that are being synthesised.
As long as they aren’t dealing with virus molecules or elephant molecules, it’s an accurate software.
There are millions and millions of molecules in the world.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Madame Curie! Let’s not start talking all crazy here…!
New ones are being synthesised every day, my husband has no clue what different companies are doing in their research. It is similar to any other software that is used as a tool.
In this case, a box wrench.
There is an accounting software, quicken. A computer engineer, who invented this software didn’t become your accountant, didn’t enter the information in your tax returns. Microsoft Word or Word Perfect is used by many writers, but it didn’t make Microsoft a poet or a comedian or a screen writer. Microsoft Word or Word Perfect is just a tool. I hope I explained this point and wouldn’t have to go to it again.
And I believe we all share your hope.
My husband is a good man, he is a devoted father and he is there for our three sons when I am travelling around the country raising support for Obama’s illegitimacy issue, when I am in court fighting to make sure this country doesn’t turn into another Communist Hell, as I experienced as a child, so we don’t live under Dictator Obama with all his szars like another Himler or Herring or another Beria.
Well, Dr. Taitz didn’t actually live under Beria, since he died before she were born, but I’m sure the rest of the paragraph was properly spelled in the original Cyrillic, and I enthusiastically endorse her refusal to live under the totalitarian boot heel of smoked and salted fish.
I hope people stop attacking my family and start attacking Obama and demand that he produce his vital records immediately or resign or be removed immediately.
To quote the industrial short Once Upon a Honeymoon from the MST3K episode Night of the Bloodbeast: “Yeah? Well wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one piles up first.”
Let’s make sure Obama shows up for his deposition with his hospital birth certificate ready for examination.
Oh, let’s! Let’s do! But you know what would make it even more fun? Let’s just send a random black man to the deposition and see if Dr. Taitz, Esq. notices.