• Hey! We're on Twitter!

  • Buy The Book!

  •  

     

    Click to Buy The Mug

    Buy The Book

Archive for September 28th, 2009

“Such A Lot of Guns Around Town, And So Few Brains”

Posted by scott on September 28th, 2009

MyPenileBuddy.jpgDr. Professor Mike Adams has apparently discovered that nobody’s much interested in his wan mockery of imaginary feminists, gays, and racial minorities anymore, so he’s decided to steal William Bennett’s idea that President Obama is bankrupting Social Security by permitting black women to get abortions, and then pretend to be upset about it, which gives him another excuse to verbally joust with someone who isn’t there, and doesn’t know he exists.  (Stick around for the big finish, when Dr. Mike does an end zone dance in his Fruit of the Looms and cranks up Queen’s “We Are The Champions.”)

The Un-Aborted Obama

The title is presumably an allusion to the wingnut claim that, had abortion been legal in Hawaii in 1960, Obama’s mother would have terminated her pregnancy rather than endure the shame of the world knowing she’d slept with her husband.

Did you know that about 150 young black people were admitted to Howard University School of Law this year? But, unfortunately, about 1370 black babies were aborted today. How can we effect “social justice” if the health profession kills far more blacks than the legal profession is currently accepting into its ranks?

Well, Dr. Mike, if your contention is that every abortion terminates a potential lawyer, then I think you’ve just made a pretty eloquent argument for abortion on demand.

Isn’t abortion sort of like liberalism in a nutshell? It’s just a way of asking others to suffer the consequences of your own bad decisions.

So I guess that would mean that forced pregnancy is sort of like conservatism in a nutshell?  It’s just another way of asking others to suffer for your erectile dysfunction.

You been supported by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals throughout your political career. What if I trapped a dog in a cage and dismembered him slowly with a pruning tool I stuck through the bars of the cage? What if I then sucked out the bloody body parts with my Black & Decker power vacuum?

I’d say your idea of a progressive dinner, and mine, are very different.

Would PETA demand my arrest? Would they succeed?

Yeah, but you’d probably still wind up playing for the Philadelphia Eagles.

Would this not be eerily similar to what licensed doctors do to babies?

Not really, since a pregnancy is not the same thing as a “baby.”  However, I’ll concede that your fantasies about women gestating canine fetuses is a little eerie, yes.

Isn’t that more serious than animal abuse? Even more serious than ACORN funding brothels with tax-payer dollars?

Once again, you master debater, you’ve backed me into a corner and forced me to admit that Doug Giles’ daughter dressing up like Joan Blondell in Here Come the Brides in an effort to win cash on America’s Wingnuttiest Home Videos is not quite as serious a public threat as cockfighting.

When a white abortion doctor kills a black baby is it a hate crime?

When Dr. Mike Adams attempts to formulate a logical argument, is he really just hate-fucking Aristotle?  Anyway, one assumes the women having the abortion is also black, so you might want to factor her in, unless this is one of those Mandingo scenarios you guys seem to get so hot and bothered about, in which case, please close the door, keep it down, and throw the sweat sock in the hamper when you’re finished.

What would happen if we started shooting unborn babies with guns?

Well, considering you’ve gone to “game ranches” where you basically pay to assassinate the inmates of a petting zoo, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you’d gone to a hospital and tipped the attending nurse to let you hunt infants in the neo-natal ward.  And while tracking a preemie isn’t exactly the Most Dangerous Game, it’s incubator can serve as a lovely display case once you’ve had the newborn stuffed and mounted.

Update:  I missed this in my brief period of lucidity while writing the post, but as TM points out in comments:

“Well, as they’re still unborn and inside women, I guess that means you’d be shooting people, Dr. Mike.

This is ultra creepy, but I somehow suspect that Dr. Mike was inadvertently admitting to a fantasy of inserting a pistol into a woman’s vagina and firing it.”

(See above photo)

I was recently told that, as a Christian, I should support your health reform bill. But I would not want to be treated in a universal Canadian-style health care system.

I fully support your principled decision to bleed out after a tragic shotgun-cleaning accident.

I just ran into a fellow who was wearing a “Jesus” fish around his neck and an “Obama” hat on his head. That’s like wearing a Star of David around your neck and carving a swastika on your forehead.

Either Dr. Mike thinks progressive Christians are the moral equivalent of Charles Manson, or he was very confused by the plot of Inglorious Basterds.  Still, it’s clear that his anguish over black abortion rates is due solely to his deep love and abiding respect for the African American community.

Since abortion kills so many black males, shouldn’t we call it “homie-cide”?

Or not.