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Can you Name That Booze?

20 Responses to “World O Crap: Now 95% More Booze Soaked!”


Though really, those were easy questions.

Up with the rev, etc..

Though I seriously doubt the accuracy of this quiz, (82%, who knew the pilgrims made tequila?), it’s comforting to know I could take 26 five year olds in a fight.

100%, but I’ve been clean and serene for 6+ years.

I spent high school chronically drunk, and I got an eighty three on this. Seriously, this is like making someone identify exercise equipment as a way of quantifying how healthy they are. I can tell you lots of stuff about absinthe. Never even been near any, but, you know, I read things other than booze labels. WTF is a “Bloody Caesar”? I have no clue. Now, if you want to know how to get and stay drunk in the cheapest way possible, I can help you with that.

I’m forced to tell the story again of the woman who turned up to tell me once that she’d just taken a personality quiz and had discovered she was bisexual. “How many questions are in a quiz like that?” I wanted to know. Somewhere around twenty, it turns out. You gotta wonder what the hell the other eighteen questions were, don’t you.

Your Score: 70%

Your level: LUSH

And that only because I could figure out that Cosmopolitan is the name of a magazine and whiskey is water of life (hang out with too many Celtic musicians). Mojito?

O god I hate bar culture.

And I apologize, sincerely, to those of you who don’t, because what you enjoy is the bonhomie, or the skills of a good mixologist, or maybe just the rank smell of desperation and the shedding of IQ points by those with few to spare, and that’s not what I hate.

I hate the debasement of taste, the TGIFridayfication of perfectly decent spirits that came about when adults stopped drinking and marketers swooped in to secretly turn everyone into a 19-year-old in the guise of turning everyone into a 22-year-old. Flavored martinis! Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican St. Patrick’s Day! Mixed drinks named by a panel of morning zoo personalities! Gimme a Blow Job! Har har har.

Oooh, and great news–Bacardi has managed to take the Mint Julep, a drink which once desecrated honest bourbon, and not just transpose it for their execrable product, but produce a special “rum” for the purpose, so pre-Korsakoff’s alcoholics can feel like connoisseurs! I swear to god, if we just put Bacardi’s marketers in charge of Iraq there’d be lines around the block at every recruiting station.

Same thing happened to decent pot smoking in the 70s, when the Thai stick and Primo Bud morons moved in.

I apologize somewhat, Doghouse, for the debasement of alcohol, which I admit I never much liked the taste of for the most part. In my own defense, escapism probably kept me alive and out of prison. I can’t imagine what I’d have done if forced to deal with reality sober.

damn, if I weren’t so Eurocentric I would have done better than 178 proof

100%. I’ve been studying.

who knew the pilgrims made tequila?

Last I looked, Mexico was still part of North America (that question almost got me, too).


How…middling. Not low enough to make me feel virtuous, not high enough to demonstrate commitment.

Although if there were more questions about tequila, I would have done better.

I ordered a Margarita on the Rocks at “Chilli’s”. It was weird tasting, kind of sweet. I inquired of the waitress, who told me they put schnapps in it! Schnapps! ia a Margarita! But Why? Ug. I did finish it though.

I got an 89%. The “cartoon” and “picture” clues threw me.

Let me guess – Scott’s neck is still iffy so he’s drowning his sorrows. Or, Scott’s neck is still iffy, and you’re drinking to cope. Yes? I didn’t take the test. Just dropped by to offer good wishes to Scott’s pinched nerve and hope S.Z. is surviving the Cathouse.

98% – the one about tequila tripped me up or it would have been 100%.

100% for me. Someone told me about the Big Labeau Sky; otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten the Russian. All the other questions were too easy.

Definitely too easy. I got 92%, and I’m not much of a drinker at all.

It’s The Big Lebowski

Unless it is my chain you yank…

100%. Back in college I also won twenty bucks from a friend who bet me that I couldn’t identify six different mainstream macrobrews — i.e. Bud, Schlitz, Hamms, etc. — in a blind tasting.

Fortunately, I no longer tipple that kind of swill and probably couldn’t repeat the stunt.

89%, a mere drunkard. I’m so ashamed.

I got 79% which I think is pretty good since I’ve sworn off the bar culture long ago and actually never really participated in it too long anyway; maybe a year and half after I was of legal age and the kids lived with their father. I grew up too fast, had already known the bar culture by 14 and found nothing more than a temporary release for pent-up rage, which most beers can facilitate for much less cash.

Also, I grew up in a strict Protestant family where alcohol was served strictly as an aperitif on special occasions and with great fanfare. Gluttonous consumption and wallet thinning never appealed to me.

I remember an admirer once ordering me a large tropical drink when we sat down at Applebee’s for dinner a few years ago. He didn’t get what he was hoping for and all I got was a bad case of heartburn from all the mixed juices.

I wonder if alcoholics who work in restaurants get to finish off the remains of those half-gallon candy-colored kiddie swillers like I left on the table that night.

Something to say?