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According to Mona Charon, the real tragedy of George W. Bush is that his memory will be forever linked to the War on Terror, when what he really ought to go down in the history books for is a smokin’ hot case of Jungle Fever:

a poignant aspect of this president’s two terms is his unrequited love for blacks and other minorities.

Like Erik in Phantom of the Opera, Bush pours out his yearning heart in song to the naive and nubile Christine.  But in the end, she will reject him for her own kind, and Bush, crazed with torment, will drop a chandelier on Iran.  But perhaps the saddest aspect of the President’s heartbreak is that it need not have been.  For like Desdemona in Othello, Bush’s pure and faithful love has been unjustly maligned by men of fell intent:

George W. Bush was painted as the devil by many black leaders. It’s remarkable that this was so, considering Mr. Bush’s steadfast and unwavering interest in the poor and minorities, but there it is. When no other opportunity for tarring President Bush presented itself, his detractors seized upon Hurricane Katrina as the catch basin for all the free-floating bile against the president.

I remember those days; sometimes the bile was so thick it was hard to see all the free-floating bodies. But in retrospect it’s clear that minority leaders were trying to break up Bush and blacks by spreading wild rumors and somehow making it seem like Katrina was the President’s fault, until the two lovers were helplessly entangled in a simple, but wacky misunderstanding, much like Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley in the Love American Style episode, “Love and the Sex Survey.”

Remember the way George W. Bush first campaigned? He was the “compassionate conservative.”  He visited so many black churches he could have applied for membership in the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. He telegraphed early and often that if elected he’d choose Colin Powell for Secretary of State (and that was only the beginning of his promotion of blacks and Hispanics to high office — he might as well have believed in affirmative action).

Because he certainly didn’t hire Condi Rice for her mind.

He boasted (en Espanol) of his excellent record winning the votes of Hispanics in Texas. He lamented the “soft bigotry of low expectations.”

He obediently mouthed other catch-phrases his speechwriters had coined for him, just like the ardent Christian in Cyrano.  But he wasn’t all talk; Daddy showered his baby with promises of expensive baubles in the afterlife, too, like…

[T]he faith-based initiative that was aimed at helping all of those who for one reason or another fall into economic or psychic woe. As his former speechwriter Michael Gerson recalled, “He [wa]s deeply committed to the idea of helping the poor through community and faith-based institutions.”

“It wasn’t just a cynical way to seem sensitive to poor minority communities while funneling payoffs to the white evangelicals who’d gotten out the vote.  No, baby, you know me better than that.  Baby I’m deeply committed to the idea of somebody else helping you out sometime.”

Perhaps we’d all have been better off if Black America had just given Bush a pity fuck and let him get it out of his system.  Instead, he’s running up debts and selling off parcels of the family estate just to buy trinkets for this saucy and elusive coquette:

When President Clinton traveled to Africa, black Americans rejoiced at the recognition. Poor President Bush practically bankrupted the treasury by spending on AIDS treatment in Africa.

We could have won the the war in Iraq already if Bush hadn’t blown the Federal wad by flooding the Third World with life-saving drugs and condoms.

The excitement at the prospect of the first African-American president is natural and understandable. But the total contempt shown by the African-American community toward this president is a staggering injustice.

Because no President since Thomas Jefferson has loved blacks more.  Or at least tried to.

16 Responses to “Please Baby Pleasebaby Baby Baby Please”

*snort* That was lovely.

Really, Mona is apparently even dumber than I thought. Which kind of impresses me. Like all nitwit conservatives, she appears to have mistaken speeches for reality, promises for action, words for, well, truth. And Bush, and maybe any politician, doesn’t work like that.

This is the saddest part though:

considering Mr. Bush’s steadfast and unwavering interest in the poor and minorities

You know, I’ve never accused the man of being racist. He seems to not give a fuck about poor white people he doesn’t know just as much as he doesn’t give a fuck about poor black people he doesn’t know. Which is egalitarianism, of a sort.

i am embarrassed to say i went to high school and hebrew school with Mona Charen (yes i really did) — she was a nerd then, and now she is just a dumb republican.

Mona, Mr Citaralla would have something to say about Bush’s alleged compassion for the poor.

But the total contempt shown by the African-American community toward this president is a staggering injustice.

i guess the entire earth should be locked up, since 99% of the planet loathes this man beyond any redemption.

i knew i should have put your pigtails in the inkwell

Like D.Sidhe said, I don’t think he’s a racist. As long as you’re a mindless Liberty University hack, radical free marketeer, fundy nutter, or just a plain old shameless toady you’ll have a place in the Bush administration regardless of race or gender.

I was curious if Bush’s AIDS program was a giveaway to his fundie friends. I wasn’t disappointed:

Under the current policy, one third of the money allocated to HIV prevention goes to abstinence-only campaigns, often run by evangelical allies of the administration.

But this figure is also deceptive, because the prevention budget includes things like fighting mother-to-child transmission. In fact, a full two-thirds of the money for the prevention of the sexual spread of HIV goes to abstinence. What’s left is targeted to groups considered high-risk.

I can’t really think of any big waste of time and money than telling people not to have sex.

You see, this post is all about what I don’t understand about you communist lefties. My pastor at the Aryan Church says that the President should be like G*d, Christian, male and white, which your Derrick Osama and Hitlery isn’t. I know that you LIE-brals live to lie, but try to tell the truth just this once: Have you EVER seen a picture of G*d where he was colored? You see what I’m saying? You can’t vote for a colored fellow OR a woman (what on Earth were you people thinking?), as they aren’t G*dly in their appearence or sexuallness, so who ARE you gonna vote for? Mr. George Willard Bush, thats who.

You people think your all smart and such but you boxed yourself into a corner on that one, didn’t you Mister Smart A*s??

a poignant aspect of this president’s two terms is his unrequited love for blacks and other minorities.

Well, I am supposing she thinks New Orleans was just his idea of tough love…

Have you EVER seen a picture of G*d where he was colored?

You mean all his pictures are in black and white????

You mean all his pictures are in black and white????

I wouldn’t be so flippent about the Lord of All Creation, commie, he’ll remember that on Jugdment Day.

And you know EXACTLY what I mean, G*d is sort of a pinky-beige color, like a white person in superb health.

Huh. So because Bush sounded compassionate and inclusive in his campaign rhetoric, he must really be like that? Why do I doubt that Mona would be so touchingly naïve about a Democratic President?

And you know EXACTLY what I mean, G*d is sort of a pinky-beige color, like a white person in superb health.

Pink? Beige?

So you’re saying he’s gay and not at all a manly tanned color?

Well, “straight” was suspiciously not included in the list of Godly attributes. Just Christian, white, and male. I notice these things.

Rugged in Montana, you’ll got a C just for the effort put in your first assignment of the “Trolling 101″ course.

You’re putting to much effort (mentions to Aryan Church and G*d don’t help), just relax a bit. You show some promise as troll, though.

Black Jesus

I really don’t think Rugged in Montana is trying to fool anyone, so it looks a little silly when people criticize his trolling technique.

Well, obviously he could not be a more clear example of parody troll. But then you have to decide if you want to play along or not, and in what way. Does criticizing his trolling technique honestly look any sillier than what he’s writing? We’re all just here to entertain ourselves, who’s to say what the right way to do that is.

I can’t really think of any big waste of time and money than telling people not to have sex.

I can. That would be telling the desperately poor, who have few other options for pleasure, to not have sex.

Poor President Bush practically bankrupted the treasury by spending on AIDS treatment in Africa.

Poor President is right. As for the treasury being bankrupted by AIDS costs, though — in the immortal words of Dennis Farina’s character in Get Shorty, what a bunch of fucking bullshit.

Something to say?