The LA Times has mercifully discontinued Mallard Fillmore, on the theory that anyone trolling the comics pages for hilarious hijinks and knee-slapping shenanigans are more likely to find them in the panels of Rex Morgan, M.D. Nevertheless, a commenter in this Sadly, No! thread pointed me to today’s edition of Bruce Tinsley’s long-running series: How Many Ways Can A Duck Suck?…
Well, THAT ought’a persuade Al Gore to STFU. Unless you happen to recall this post, in which we discussed Mr. Tinsley’s habit of getting arrested for driving under the influence. Granted, his caricatures are ugly, but you have to admit, the man draws what he knows:
As fellow Hoosier Doghouse Riley pointed out at the time, Mr. Tinsley wasn’t some innocent Joe who had a couple of beers with fellow conservative waterfowl fanciers, then fell afoul of an overzealous traffiic cop. He was a repeat, and, as it turns out, extremely enthusiastic offender:
Guy blows a .14 on a second arrest in four months and he’s free on $750 bail, plus it somehow takes a week for the news to get out. He’s got an angel somewhere. And he could now be looking at a Class D felony, and definitely some jail time. Should be interesting to watch. Plus the opportunity to say, “Mallard Fillmore, by convicted felon Bruce Tinsley” would almost make reading the thing worth it.
So while I’m happy that Mr. Tinsley is reducing his carbon footprint, I think it has less to do with ecological altruism, and more to do with the court dropping his drivers license into a document shredder. And Bruce? The “legislation forcing everyone to do what you do” is called Indiana Code 9-30-5. You might want to pay special attention to the section on license suspension, and mandatory jail time after second offense.
But by all means, get on your high horse about people who voluntarily ride a bike. I’m pretty sure they can’t cite you for cantering down the equestrian trail while slightly drunker than Lee Marvin in Cat Ballou.
FRIST!!!
“I’m pretty sure they can’t cite you for cantering down the equestrian trail while slighter drunker than Lee Marvin in Cat Ballou.”
As shickled-titless as I am to see a ref to Cat Ballou, honeychild, don’t you KNOW that it’s now illegal in at least 20 states to ride yo’ plowhorse whilst innebriated?!?!? Same goes for lawnmowers, Li’l Rascals, and powered scooters of any build.
Granted, it took Louisiana ’til 2001 to actually outlaw drunnken horseriding on the thoroughfares and riddled-with-potholes-like-swiss-cheese roads of this state, but they finally got it DONE, by gum!
Tinsley — if only that motherfucker would finally wrap his car or bicycle around a fucking TREE. Then he wouldn’t have to make any more “stunning confessions” — THE WORLD WOULD FINALLY KNOW THAT HE’S A RAGING, SELF-LOATHING ALCOHOLIC HYPOCRITE ASSHOLE, and he wouldn’t be able to say or (sloppily “draw”) another fucking word about it!
He’s wasting my oxygen AND my funny pages with his dreadfully moronic bullshit, and I want to save the ozone layer by turning him into fertilizer, especially considering that he’s 90% bullshit already.
Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 29th, 2007