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Back toward the end of May we had the honor of meeting Bruce Walker, who you may remember as the author of Sinisterism: Secular Religion of the Lie, a tome which “has been ranked among the most essential books of our times” by three readers on Amazon. Well, Bruce has just discovered a group of people he hates even more than “feminist cleaning ladies”…

Lawyers, like community organizers, argue — and Obama is both lawyer and community organizer. These professional advocates view the folks who really do things in life — oilmen, farmers, drug manufacturers, retailers, and such — as the cause of our problems. Lawsuits, agitation, regulation, and other sorts of constrictive and punitive actions are the solution proposed by people like Barack Obama, Esq.

This proposal of regulations to constrict and penalize the oil industry, our hormone farmers, and our purveyors of fine narcotics threatens to tarnish our silver spoons and take the gilt off our Age!

The Democratic Party is increasingly The Lawyers’ Party. Not only are Barack and Michelle lawyers, but Harry and Nancy are too, as are many other Democrat leaders. Democrats, led by Barack, are approaching the oil spill as if an Esquire, an attorney representing a client.

Some people might argue that it’s not entirely inappropriate for the President to approach BP as though representing a client — in this case, the interests of American citizens whose homes and livelihoods have been harmed or destroyed, but those people are probably lawyers. In reality, of course, Obama should approach the corporation as a duck, represented by the oboe.

British Petroleum, viewed through the prism of The Lawyers’ Party, is a rogue corporation whose sin is putting profit above the public interest. But, of course, this is nonsense.

Why, BP has been “rated by professional reviewers from three continents as among the essential corporations for our time.”

BP is intensely concerned with how the public perceives it. BP spent hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising to convince the public that it cares about the environment. The heart of its ad campaign is that BP means “Beyond Petroleum.”

Exactly. Obama and his lawyerly ilk are talking as if there were a fundamental difference public relations and the public good. BP spent millions to convince you it cares! You can’t buy that kind of sincerity.

Aside from the loss of oil in the Gulf, aside from liability issues for BP, the corporation has just lost all the time and money invested in consumer goodwill as a “green” energy producer.

Sure, the Gulf fisheries are dead for a generation or more, but BP has lost — perhaps forever — some of the nation’s most beautiful and pristine advertising expenses!

Corporate executives in general are viewed by Barack Obama, Esq. as mercenary plunderers of American society.

Yep, Obama’s got some nutty ideas all right. On the other hand, Mercenary Plunderers of American Society is one of my favorite serials, just behind Lass of the Lumberlands, Radar Patrol Vs. Spy King, and Commando Cody: Sky Marshal of the Universe.

Their ability to successfully organize private resources to make companies productive and profitable is just another trick of the rich exploiting the poor. This is silly; free competition punishes businesses which harbor motives other than efficiency. This reality seems to elude Obama and his pals.

Obama is taking it upon himself to punish a business that was too efficient in its cost cutting, and that’s blasphemy! For according to the Good Book (The Wealth of Nations), “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Invisible Hand.”

But whatever the leader of the Lawyers’ Party’s illusions about the rough-and-tumble world of big business, he even less understands the work of those who heal us. Physicians, according to Barack Obama, Esq., perform unnecessary amputations or tonsillectomies just for the fee.

Which is a load of crap, because my doctor unnecessarily extracted my uvula just for the thrill! (Of course, the only approved primary care physician in my PPO network was Dr. Giggles.)

Just as he cannot view the free market as a self-correcting mechanism, Obama cannot see doctors as people, like public interest lawyers and such, who actively seek to do good in the world.

Unlike you and me, Obama sees doctors as a series of Ones and Zeroes…

Instead, Barack Obama, Esq. views all producers in our economy as avaricious, roaming vandals.

Except for actual vandals, which he views as businessmen.

Then he and his party can perform the only service which politicians, lawyers, and community organizers can provide: punitive taxation, draconian regulation, huge lawsuits, and screeching condemnations.

Well, give the public what they want, and they’ll beat a path to your door.

Most problems we face really do not require more laws, more lawsuits, and more taxes.

“More American Thinker columns” is usually the answer to an environmental catastrophe.

The executives at BP, like your family doctor, understand how to actually do stuff, like extract and refine oil or diagnose and cure ailments.

And when your doctor hits an artery, and blood gushes at an alarming rate from your body, your GP — like BP — knows how to low-ball the blood flow estimate.

These producers make all the good things in life which we desire and consume. What about the harpies who assume bad motives in every unfortunate situation? What good do they really do for us?

FishOil2.jpg

“I know! It’s like you harpies want to hamstring the free market!”

The constant frothing of moral indignation as the tonic for every difficulty we face becomes, over time, simply tired sloganeering by people who cannot do anything but blame others.

Gran Moff Tarkin had to put up with a lot of this same sort of carping, when people incessantly complained that the post-Death Star Alderaan was “a little on the gritty side.”

14 Responses to “Bruuuuuuuce!”

What, you want to put that meth dealer in jail? Wasn’t the explosion of his suburban lab its own punishment?

No more calls–we have a winner for “Best Laugh of the Week”:

Corporate executives in general are viewed by Barack Obama, Esq. as mercenary plunderers of American society.

Yep, Obama’s got some nutty ideas all right. On the other hand, Mercenary Plunderers of American Society is one of my favorite serials, just behind Lass of the Lumberlands, Radar Patrol Vs. Spy King, and Commando Cody: Sky Marshal of the Universe.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Hitler, viewed through the prism of the Jews, is a hate-filled genocidal maniac, but didn’t he spend all that money making delightful films like “Triumph of the Will”? Why must they be so hard on him?

Lawyers, like community organizers, argue — and Obama is both lawyer and community organizer. These professional advocates view the folks who really do things in life — oilmen, farmers, drug manufacturers, retailers, and such — as the cause of our problems. Lawsuits, agitation, regulation, and other sorts of constrictive and punitive actions are the solution proposed by people like Barack Obama, Esq.

1) Can anyone parse that first sentence? Or is it sentences? Cuz I’m lost.

2) Agitation…Obama’s a washing machine?

3) If it wasn’t for agitation and litigation, Brooooooooooooooooooooze, you’d be forced to wear the yolk (sic) of more government regulation. Think about it.

The Democratic Party is increasingly The Lawyers’ Party.

Whereas the GOP stands for “Good Ol’ Partay” and consists of fratboys and rednecks just out for shits and giggles and to molest some young things.

Oh. Wait…

BP is intensely concerned with how the public perceives it. BP spent hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising to convince the public that it cares about the environment. The heart of its ad campaign is that BP means “Beyond Petroleum.”

And if there was ever a more classic definition of EPIC.FUCKING. FAIL. I have yet to see it.

Anyone with half a brain, BROOOOOOOOOOOOOZE, could see the whole “BP = Beyond Petroleum” campaign as a blatant attempt to prove that BP was only slightly less toxic than the other guys. Well? Guess what….THEY LIED!

Sure, the Gulf fisheries are dead for a generation or more, but BP has lost — perhaps forever — some of the nation’s most beautiful and pristine advertising expenses!

I hate you. I really do.

Corporate executives in general are viewed by Barack Obama, Esq. as mercenary plunderers of American society.

Which is precisely the role government SHOULD be playing! They all of them swear an oath to protect “against all enemies, foreign and domestic” and it’s clear that the profit motive, taken to the exaggerated levels that BP and their ilk have, is antithetic to the good of the nation. That makes them the enemy.

Good grief, BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE, did you NOT read Adam Smith? He was dead set against corporations! DEAD SET! He believed no company should exist where the owners were not personally liable for each and everything that goes on in their business and that no combinations of businesses should ever take place!

Free market rules, bitch! Deal with them!

This is silly; free competition punishes businesses which harbor motives other than efficiency.

Nonsense, since profit by its very definition is a measure of efficiency and clearly, BP and the oil companies were wildly profitable. But at the cost to the rest of us. Clearly, they were ruthlessly efficient, and wildly ignorant.

Just as he cannot view the free market as a self-correcting mechanism

You say that words, “free market”, but I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

American Drinker has been on a roll lately. I feel like I should subscribe to take pity on them.

Oh. Wait. That’s not profitable for them, it would reward their inefficiencies.

Does he not notice that his entire output is a “constant frothing of moral indignation”? Hell, pretty much everything produced by the wingnutosphere is moral indignation froth. Andrew Breitbart alone creates enough moral indignation froth to cover Gulf (thus hiding the oil).

BP has suffered enough already — Tony Heyward didn’t have his favorite biscuits at 4pm teatime last Thursday !

Actor212 — The oath to protect “against all enemies, foreign and domestic” is only for federal employees — the President only swears to preserve, protect & defend the Constitution !

Actor212 — The oath to protect “against all enemies, foreign and domestic” is only for federal employees — the President only swears to preserve, protect & defend the Constitution !

He’s Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces, ergo that oath applies to him as well.

HAH! I run rings around your “facts”.

Does he not notice that his entire output is a “constant frothing of moral indignation”?

A “taint”, as it were?

These wingnuts must be the happiest people on earth. After all, if ignorance is bliss…

It would be so interesting to observe the results if BP gave every single person living within, say 150 miles of the Gulf shore, 5 million dollars.

Really interesting.

Nope, I don’t think you’re going to succeed in making BP seem like sympathetic victims, but keep trying, Bruce, keep trying!

BP spent more on the ad campaign touting their solar biz than they spent on the actual solar biz part of BP. People who work on PR campaigns like this either have no souls or are heavily self-medicating.

one thing I’d like to see is a program (paid for by BP) to build solar panel and windmill factories throughout the states affected by the oil spew employing the folks now out of work for at least a generation due to the after-affects on fishing/tourism/etc as well as a couple of GM plants building nothing but Volts and plenty of jobs installing the panels to power them and an electric rail system.

“And when your doctor hits an artery, and blood gushes at an alarming rate from your body, your GP — like BP — knows how to low-ball the blood flow estimate.”

Greatest line ever! Just found the site, and will surely return. There truly isn’t enough satire these days.

Something to say?