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World Net Daily has a fresh new wingnut on display this evening: Dr. Arthur Robinson, “president and research professor of the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine.”  This is obviously a prestigious organization, for not only does OISM sound like the noise an East End constable makes when he orgasms, it’s also dedicated to “increasing the quality, quantity, and length of human life.”  Most institutions exploring this bold frontier of scientific inquiry limit their research to prolonging, or improving the quality of human life, without even considering how we might use recent advances in medicine to increase our rate of reincarnation; but Dr. Robinson has gone where others fear to tread, in his quest to resurrect Ronald Reagan.

Whether this goal involves grafting the head of the 40th president onto a healthy body (perhaps the 44th president’s?), as South American Nazis planned to do in the 1963 documentary, They Saved Hitler’s Brain, or transplanting his gray matter into a robot, as was done in the 1958 science fiction classic, Colossus of New York*, or duplicating him whole from DNA samples and raising his clone in a giant Habitrail, like they did in 2005′s The Island**, is a question Dr. Robinson prefers to leave unaddressed, but there is no question that Ronald Reagan needs to rise from the grave, and he needs to do it now:

Morning in America

Yes, we know it feels like rnidnight – and would even if Ronald Reagan were here in person to cheer us up, but we must get through the night in order to enjoy the morning.

It’s the dark night of the soulless.

The difference is that the sun is not going to rise for us automatically. We are going to have to pull it up by ourselves.

I recommend using oven mitts.

American freedom has been unconscionably abridged and American resources wasted. While the Obama regime has sharply accelerated these trends, most of the damage was done over the century that preceded his Marxist reign.

Let me guess…the whole country went down the crapper when they passed the Sixteenth Amendment.

Our constitutional republic and the vast engineering miracle that its freedom made possible…

Otherwise known as the 18-Hour Bra.

…have been slowly strangled by creeping socialism and fascism – in the form of government-sponsored taxation

I really don’t see why government always has to sponsor taxation.  Why can’t they sponsor a NASCAR team for once, or an alcoholic?

These confiscated resources have paid for seemingly endless war, character-destroying welfare and the rise of a bureaucratic elite of government employees that now comprises almost 20 percent of our “workers” and is paid, on average, twice as much in wages and benefits as those still working in the private, free-enterprise sector.

And we wouldn’t have this problem if Reagan had finished breaking all the public employee unions, but thanks to the stupid 22nd Amendment, he only had time to crush the Air Traffic Controllers.

This deadly parasitic malignancy

…which my research institute has perfected, and now offers for sale to the highest bidder, be they foreign government, shadowy cartel, or international terrorist organization…

– the mutant that has arisen from our original form of government – has spread throughout our land. Not content to merely live upon its host, the thing is killing the republic upon which it depends for sustenance.

So, we can add a few more items to our list of Methods for Resurrecting Ronald Reagan:

  1. Genetically engineer a mutant Dutch, preferably with super-powers.
  2. Create a sentient, slug-like Reagan who will infiltrate and control a host organism, much like Kyle MacLachlan did in The Hidden (1987).
  3. Pay a vampire to bite the ex-president so he will rise from the grave at nightfall and feast upon the blood of his former constituents.
  4. Bring him back as a plain old zombie.

Anyway, back to the Doctor (and not to complain or anything, but given that he’s a mad scientist, he could try giving his rants a bit more pizazz.  Nothing showy; maybe he could just occasionally punctuate a thought with a high-pitched cackle, or an ejaculated “Fool!“  Just a suggestion.)

Imagine the prosperity and technological wonders that the $10 trillion in capital earned by the nuclear power industry would have made possible – but that our government made impossible.

Just don’t imagine all the radioactive waste.  Instead, focus on the trillions of dollars that could be earned each year by super-villains holding our plentiful nuclear power plants hostage.  Why, the remodeling and expansion of underground lairs in extinct volcanoes alone could kick start our slumping construction industry.

Imagine the prosperity and accomplishments we have lost by being required to conduct our economic affairs with fiat money – printed by government whim – rather than honest money, which has been a core component of human prosperity for thousands of years.

It is, I confess, more than a little embarrassing to live in a country where the only people still on the gold standard are leprechauns.  And frankly, even exchanging gold and silver coins for goods and services smacks of those too-clever-by-half tranches, and derivatives, and other newfangled financial instruments that drove our economy to the brink of collapse.  I think the only sane, secure, and historically sound course is to return to the Trinket Standard.

We provided our government with the wealth, technology and patriotic soldiers to provide for our common defense – but those resources were instead used to build a worldwide empire that is now draining us of our remaining wealth and is sustained by borrowing from the potential enemies from whom we need to be defended.

Imagine what our productive people could still accomplish if half of their earnings – the half that they do not need for food, housing, shelter, and other necessities – were not confiscated by government.

I hope one of those things they can accomplish is defending us from our enemies without an Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps.  You take first watch.

Today, it is very difficult for an ordinary young American to accumulate enough after-tax capital to even own his home. He is encouraged to enslave himself to the government-sponsored banking industry for 30 years instead.

It’s scandalous that people have to go into debt to buy a house nowadays.  Why, when I was a kid, I bought a 3 bedroom, 2½ bath rambler for cash with my paper route money.

Imagine that we were free of these injustices. Imagine that our physical and economic freedom were to return to that of our country’s founding or even to move halfway back – far enough to allow a virtual explosion in human accomplishment and well-being … Human freedom coupled with modern technology will achieve miracles.

For instance, Dr. Robinson has solved the seemingly intractable problem of global climate change by asking people to give him money so he can circulate a petition saying it doesn’t exist.  Science!

While our woes have crept upon us slowly, masked in part by the wealth generated by science and technology, they are “creeping” no more. In Washington today, we are seeing an astonishing acceleration of the tyranny of statism, socialism, fascism and Marxism that has come upon us – but it is no longer clothed in its many disguises. We are seeing it stark naked.

Fortunately, miracle modern technology has given us Liposuction and the Tummy Sizer.

The miracle of the Internet now allows Americans to communicate in total freedom. The media that fed them propaganda is dying. The truth is electronically available to all. It can no longer be hidden. [...]  Truth now stands in the marketplace on an equal footing with untruth. On this level playing field, the truth will win. The only major newspaper in America that is not dying is the Wall Street Journal

Of course, once all transactions are conducted solely with precious metals, and Rupert Murdoch has put the Wall Street Journal, FoxNews.com and the rest of his media empire behind a pay wall, you’ll have figure out how to shove doubloons through your ethernet cable.

Ronald Reagan was right – but his optimism was ahead of its time. His country still needed to experience more tyranny before it appreciated its freedom. Now, Reagan’s time has come.

Grab a shovel.

*Check pages 128-130 of for more on why you shouldn’t put the president’s head in a giant robot body made from paper-maché.
**Click here and scroll down to see why cannibalizing Scarlett Johansson to keep President Reagan supplied with kidneys is a potentially bad idea.

46 Responses to “Mourning Becomes America”

Check out the pic of Drs. Robinson, Kamen and Merrifield on the Omygod! OISM! OISM! home page. Maybe one of ‘em could start working on improvements in pinhole camera technology.

And look, while it is somewhat refreshing, as well as a little sad, to hear from an actual boggled mind of science, rather than the usual run of pretend Dr. Ph.Ds, the evidence is still clear: stay th’ fuck away from other people’s disciplines. I mean, that “$10 trillion in capital earned by the nuclear power industry” would still be in fiat money, right? Or does nuclear power actually create capital? I thought these Discovery Institute types were real big on the Second Law of Thermodynamics, but it’s not really my area of expertise.

And I’m not going to stoop to mentioning that Dr. Anti-tax here spent the first twenty years of his life supported by taxpayers. I just wanna ask, once we’re on the barter system, and the Guvment operates on tariffs and fees, the way the Founders intended, what wealth-creating innovators he imagines will be best rewarded: the guy who co-wrote Molecular Clocks: Deamidation of Asparaginyl and Glutaminyl Residues in Peptides and Proteins, free-lance marijuana botanists, or young hotties who’ve mastered the gag reflex?

The difference is that the sun is not going to rise for us automatically. We are going to have to pull it up by ourselves.

It’s bad enough we torture captives, but not metaphors!!!!!!

While the Obama regime has sharply accelerated these trends, most of the damage was done over the century that preceded his Marxist reign.

About half of which was presided over by Republicans.

have been slowly strangled by creeping socialism and fascism

Susquehana Hat Company!!!! Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch…

This deadly parasitic malignancy

…which my research institute has perfected, and now offers for sale to the highest bidder, be they foreign government, shadowy cartel, or international terrorist organization…

I’m seeing an episode of Adult Swim in this…o/~ Icelandic Bluuuuueeeee! o/~

Today, it is very difficult for an ordinary young American to accumulate enough after-tax capital to even own his home. He is encouraged to enslave himself to the government-sponsored banking industry for 30 years instead.

OK, I’ve had just about enough. I can’t snark this.

The government is NOT to blame for thirty years of wage increases that haevn’t even kept the fuck up with INFLATION! What the hell does taxation have to do with the rapaciousness of corporations who have retained enormous increases in productivity while not paying out one thin dime more in wages to even BE fucking taxed????

Perhaps the shitty little columnist for this shitty little website ought to do a little lernin’ about why people are going bankrupt by the millions? Surprise! It’s about healthcare costs and substandard wages and oh yes, taking on too much fucking debt in order to support a consuemrist habit, you motherfucking pigdog!

Sorry. I’ve got it off my chest now. I feel better.

Imagine the prosperity and technological wonders that the $10 trillion in capital earned by the nuclear power industry would have made possible – once they figger out how to transmute lead into gold-

phixxorated

Scott, you may be the only person I have heard refer to “The Hidden” that didn’t live in my house.

These Reagan-lovers sure are desperate for his resurrection, aren’t they? And they can’t rely on his non-biological son Michael, who couldn’t utter a peep in public until Dad was unable, and Ron… well…

According to a book I was reading last night, a collection of essays by Florence King, in 1997, Michael Reagan announced he was dropping out of the GOP until it once again became “truly conservative.” He managed to slip back in without a peep, I notice.

“….., or an ejaculated “Fool!“ Just a suggestion.)”

I think his Father already did that.

“Or does nuclear power actually create capital? “

Plutonium is the new gold. Makes a shitty earring, though.

I hope one of those things they can accomplish is defending us from our enemies without an Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps. You take first watch.

Franklin helped establish militia, while Adams advocated for a navy many of his fellow founders saw no need for. Weren’t they the visionaries?

By the way, the OISM Web site design seems to pre-date Reagan. Love the urine yellow.

and would even if Ronald Reagan were here in person to cheer us up,

I know when I’m blue all I have think about is a smilin’ Ronnie Reagan crackin’ jokes about ketchup being a vegetable and authorizing illegal arms transactions, and my day gets a whole lot brighter.

Can’t someone, anyone, just let Dr. McNuttybats that your average run of the mill Bircher pamphlet, one written 48 years ago, says exactly the same thing? That the whole screeching Red Menace one-note didn’t even work when there were communists, to say nothing of now, when the “Marxists” are shoveling money into corporate interests.

Will the new and improved Reaganbot shoot money and lasers from his eyes?

Did the original do that and I just missed it?

They long for Ronnie because he was a fool for big business. In fact, Ronnie was a fool for many people around him. His telepathic talent gave him the ability to see beyond the silly rule about negotiating with terrorists. Republicans honor Ronnie because they believe he was the best bullshitter they ever had. He was criticism proof and that is what the republicans need now more than ever. They believe it is the only problem they have. They need an affable front man to sell the pile of crap they refer to as an agenda.

No wonder I have had such a miserable time pulling myself up by my bootstraps. My bootstraps are made of sun. Oi. (Hold the “SM”.)

It’s always entertaining to watch people try to play to both sides of the aisle.

What could be more fun then listening to somebody explain that our military is a bloated, excessively powerful money drain that is often used in immoral, useless, blood-soaked wars, and then explaining how we should fix this by being more like Ronald Reagan.

I’d think the contradiction would make your head explode like in a Tom Tomorrow cartoon.

This whole thing reminds me of Palin’s speech at the Republican convention, when she talked about getting the Alaskan tax payers the money from oil sales. You could feel the audience trying to decide between cheering Palin or booing socialism. Actually, the whole convention was pretty much like this article.

Looks like the usual crowd of hammerheads gathered around Scott’s camp fire. But Scott! You’ve transitioned from simply sarcastic to incoherent! Must be H1N1. Anyhow thought you all would be interested in what the boys from Chicago have to say these days, people with the courage to admit fault and the integrity to change:

Thank you President George W. Bush

http://hillbuzz.org/2009/11/10/thank-you-former-president-george-w-bush-and-former-first-lady-laura-bush/

EXCERPT

. . . we will always be grateful for what George and Laura Bush did this week, with no media attention, when they very quietly went to Ft. Hood and met personally with the families of the victims of this terrorist attack.

FOR HOURS.

The Bushes went and met privately with these families for HOURS, hugging them, holding them, comforting them.

If there are any of you out there with any connection at all to the Bushes, we implore you to give them our thanks…you tell them that a bunch of gay Hillary guys in Boystown, Chicago were wrong about the Bushes…and are deeply, deeply sorry for any jokes we told about them in the past, any bad thoughts we had about these good, good people.

and met personally with the families of the victims of this terrorist attack.

FOR HOURS.

well, he is kind of unemployed these days, other than those $4.95 get rich quick through Jeebus seminar that he did. and if it weren’t for his whole “Crusade against Terrorism” chances are none of this would have happened.

and are deeply, deeply sorry for any jokes we told about them in the past

“deeply” doesn’t begin to express it

You’ve transitioned from simply sarcastic to incoherent!

note to Scott: use shorter words – some of your readers are struggling to keep up

Now, see, it goes to show that if they just look hard enough, people can find some point of agreement. I’m pretty sure everyone here hopes that George W. Bush gets everything he deserves. Every last fucking thing. In spades. And many of us would like a piece of the rope as a souvenir.

Looks like the usual crowd of hammerheads gathered around Scott’s camp fire.

Sharks are circling the camp fire? Eerie. Reminds me of that time I was attacked by coyotes while scuba diving.

…what George and Laura Bush did this week, with no media attention

Results 1 – 10 of about 23,000,000 for bushes at ft. hood. (0.22 seconds)

Looks like the usual crowd of hammerheads gathered around Scott’s camp fire.

I think someones jealous!

FOR HOURS.

The Bushes went and met privately with these families for HOURS, hugging them, holding them, comforting them.

Putting aside the creepy factor of the Bushes holding people for hours, if this was so private, how does this guy even know about it?

Maybe someone needs to warn the secret service that the former potus and flotus have a stalker…

And many of us would like a piece of the rope as a souvenir.
I foresee an industry of the future here, packaging short segments of rope to sell to tourists, in much the same way as Berlin is full of people painting pieces of concrete and then breaking them into smaller fragments that can be sold as chips of the original Wall.

I can’t be as snarky as many of you fine folks (especially earlyish in the morning) but the good doctor seems a bit confused about the history of this country. We’ve always had taxes of one sort or another — it’s how stuff like bridges and roads and schools get built and how we pay policemen & firemen & yes the military (though personally I’d love to give them a bigger slice of the pie, and cut back on the grifters & welfare queens who comprise the “defense” industry). Even in the very early days, there was a poll tax in most towns, for the commonweal.

I don’t understand how any of these clowns can be taken seriously in any venue, especially those who seem to equate “socialism” with “fascism.” Anyone that stupid simply doesn’t deserve a pulpit from which to preach.

Don’t invest in rope futures just yet, herr doktor. That scheme won’t work until the little shit is actually put on trial and convicted. We seem to be a ways off from that, unfortunately.

Well, shit howdy, of course Bushie wandered around anywhere for hours; it takes that long to find anyone to openly acknowledge that rectal itch and ask him to leave.

“government-sponsored taxation” — we should leave taxes to free enterprise — ‘you have a nice army here … you wouldn’t want anything to happen to it, would you ?”

H-Bob –

You are, no doubt, referring to . Amirite?

Imagine that our physical and economic freedom were to return to that of our country’s founding or even to move halfway back – far enough to allow a virtual explosion in human accomplishment and well-being

Let’s see… 1776 to 2009, divide by 2…

AHA! The ideal America, according to the good doctor, was achieved in 1893. Yes, indeedy — now THOSE were the good old days.

Unless, of course, he dates the country’s founding to 1607, in which case…

[cut to a shot of refrigerator-sized computers with tape decks spinning back and forth]

The ideal America was in 1808! Even better! Of course, at some point, somebody will have figured out that there was no Rethuglican party back then.

Hmmm… maybe that WAS the ideal.

The Bushes went and met privately with these families for HOURS

Well, yeah, because he wasn’t responsible for those deaths. No chance of an uppity gold star mother getting all up in his face about it.

Damn that Obama. Why did he invent taxes?

Trying to decide which would be worse, the violent death of a family member or being hugged by George W. Bush.

OK, the former would be worse. But the latter would not begin to make me feel any better. Yecch.

“In Washington today, we are seeing an astonishing acceleration of the tyranny of statism, socialism, fascism and Marxism that has come upon us – but it is no longer clothed in its many disguises. We are seeing it stark naked.”

…and then…

“The miracle of the Internet now allows Americans to communicate in total freedom.”

So let’s see if I get this, A tyrannical, marxist socoalis fascis nightmare regime provides us with a plaform that allows us to communicate in total freedom. That’s just too devious for words.

And hey, I like “The Colossus of New York”

Back to the Reagan resurrection thingy – it’s not really Reagan’s brain these folks want, it’s his face, with that inane Wot-Me-Worry expression that seemed to tranquillize, not to say stupefy, all upon whom he gazed (unless they were so lost to human sensibility as to have seen thru the whole charade from the beginning).

Because, if it were really his Thought they’d like to bring back, how about the model provided by that 50s classic about the brains that hump around on their spinal columns? Scott, you know the one I mean. They don’t need any stinking bodies to be transplanted into, either. They get it done (full of independent spirit as they are) simply, straightforwardly, never asking for a government handout. Of course in the film, the “it” they get done is the gruesome killing of several characters, but I’m sure Reagan’s neural column could be depended on to get that part Right.

It’s true that it wouldn’t be so good at spending hours commiserating with the bereaved, or pep-talking those made homeless by hurricanes, but even the best of brains can’t do everything.

how about the model provided by that 50s classic about the brains that hump around on their spinal columns? Scott, you know the one I mean.

Absolutely, Li’L, Fiend Without a Face (1958). Literally a triumph of brains over budget.

This guy is yet another American Legion of Chamber of Commerce douche, but he has a point about housing… unfortunately, the solution would piss off the American Legion of Chamber of Commerce.

FDR started subsidizing housing in the tax code as a giveaway to some buddies of his in the biz. As a result, power/money-hungry idiotic lying undertrained whores in realty and mortgage brokerage industries make 6 figures (or did, quite recently) ripping people off. The gubmint has gotten deeper in it with the FHA loan–put 3% down (essentially negative equity if you have to sell tomorrow), 30 year mortgage. The price of housing is distorted with respect to income.

What the government needs to do is STOP propping up the price of housing. This will allow American families to actually BUY houses instead of paying payments for 7 years, then moving, and having nothing to show for it. It would also help lower rents in some places. Of course, the government has no interest in doing this, and dupes like Patrick Duval (governator of Mass, a very overpriced state) think they’re really helping families out by getting them into massive home debt.

Of course, it also funds the parasitic NAR lobby (7% on a transaction is OUTRAGEOUS in this day and age … and they aren’t a fiduciary … the RE lawyer is … and they’re paid maybe $200-400 per contract, versus thousands for the house whore. Hello, MLS? What do we need to realtwhore for, exactly?). They indirectly fund newspapers, which is why you never heard the papers complain about the bubble or investigate what was driving it.

Now we have the lie that “you can’t prevent bubbles”. Garbage. The Fed can prevent bubbles… and did, for many years. Then Greedspan came along. There’s a great Youtube video called the housing rollercoaster. It’s a data set of inflation-adjusted housing price figures from the US 20th century plugged into one of those “create your own rollercoaster” games. Price went up and down before the Great Depression. However, after WWII, the prices were fairly stable (gently bobbling in a fairly narrow range) for decades. Then there was the early 90′s crash, then the recovery … and up … and up … and up … and up … and up … then you hit the peak and you’re hanging over the top wondering what happens next.

In some markets it was an 80% price drop.

The Fed could have “taken away the punch bowl” at any time. But Greedspan preferred to be kingmaker to Clinton and Bush.

As for gold … it fluctuates like a mofo. Talk about nasty business cycles! Gold helped make the GD worse. Talk about wasted capacity! Fiat money is here to stay, goldbugs.

Fiat money is here to stay

I should call mine Maserati money since it goes so fast

When visiting the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine web site, be sure to stop by the pages dedicated to Nuclear War Survival Skills,
Homeland Civil Defense, Civil Defense Perspectives, Doctors for Disaster Preparedness, and the Civil Defense DVD Set.

Is it morning in America yet?

Doghouse writes: Now, see, it goes to show that if they just look hard enough, people can find some point of agreement.

Absolutely, Riley. I’m reminded of a conversation I had with my girlfriend’s Republican Dad back in the early seventies: He said “You know, you’ve got to admit that Nixon’s a very complex man,” and I replied without missing a beat:

“Boy, I’ll say.”

Li’l Innocent writes: it’s not really Reagan’s brain these folks want, it’s his face, with that inane Wot-Me-Worry expression that seemed to tranquillize, not to say stupefy, all upon whom he gazed…

And his hair, the proudly oil-laden pompadour that seemed to say, “Hey! Top this, Glenn Ford!”

With Newt Gingrich getting tossed under the GOP bus for being too liberal, modern day Republicans would scozzafava zombie-Reagan out of the party.

Zombie-Reagan soundbytes:

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall so I can EAT YOUR BRAINZ!”

“Facts are stupid things. But BRAINZ are yummy.”

“My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The BRAINZ EATING begins in five minutes.”

Jeez, Allen. Envy, Despair, Wrath, Pride, Acedia–

Haven’t hit all the bases, but it ain’t like you’re not trying.

Again, what’s up? Talk here. You know by now that you are among friends, so talk.

Hey! It’s Erick “Gateway Pundit” Erickson’s stupider brother!

Hi, Allan! Too bad, as usual, you’re fucking wrong AND off-topic to boot!

Now, I’m pleased that George W Bush met with soldiers who were directly affected by the horrendously idiotic decision he made to antagonize Islam and Muslim people after 9/11 by INVADING A FUCKING NATION INNOCENT OF ANY INVOLVEMENT IN THE CRIMES OF THAT DATE!

Because, you know, it means he’s getting a headstart on his sentence from Jesus: an eternity of apologies to the people who’s lives he has destroyed.

But I digress…

Unlike the others here, I will not mock your rather…interesting (promised I wouldn’t mock it)…metaphor of sharks circling a campfire.

Instead, I prefer to mock you directly for posting what you somehow believed was the Big Get Even with us for pantsing you a few weeks ago and point out that you must really really REALLY had your feelings hurt in that exchange.

Good. I will sleep soundly tonight knowing I’ve helped torture one more “I Hate America” yahoo in the Heartland…

Wasn’t the ‘miracle of the internet’ created with government funding?

But on to the important questions: if we’re going to do this thing, I propose doing it right and stapling Ronnie’s head right onto Obama’s body. We can then recreate that delightful Ray Milland/Rosie Grier opus, The Thing with 2 Heads.
Now there’s a movie for ya.

The very crux of your writing while sounding reasonable in the beginning, did not sit perfectly with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the sentences you were able to make me a believer unfortunately just for a short while. I still have a problem with your jumps in logic and one might do nicely to help fill in those breaks. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I will undoubtedly be impressed.

Something to say?