The call went out from Burbank: “Whip me up a ripoff of X-Men, except make one of them a stripper and toss in a bunch’a random foreigners so we’ll have some implied tits and more ethnic cuisine in the catering tent!”
And so it was.
I was given a screener of the new NBC series and told to watch it by my agent, apparently because I failed to get him flowers and take him out to a liquid lunch at Applebee’s for Agent’s Day, and he’s feeling a tad bitter. Seemed a bit harsh to me, but mea culpa, so I removed it from the DVD case with a pair of ice tongs last night and gingerly inserted it in the Sony.
I won’t spoil it for you (okay, I will), but before I do, let me just say that while Heroes was far from the worst thing I’ve ever sat through, it repaid my time and effort a thousand fold with what is unquestionably the second most unintentionally hilarious moment in television history (the first being Tucker Carlson’s Quina Mambo shirt on Dancing with the Stars).
Spoiler below the photo.
Are we alone? Good.
Okay, the eponymous heroes include an internet porn provider whose reflection can slay loan sharks, an indestructable cheerleader, and a Japanese salaryman who can slow down time on the subway and teleport into the womens toilet, allowing him to accomplish a superhuman amount of molestation during his morning commute. But my favorite part? There’s a guy running for Congress. Who can fly.
Just imagine the possibilities. A few terms in the House of Representatives, learning the legislative ropes, befriending lobbyists, building up a credible war chest; then he runs successfully for the Senate. He snags the chairmanship of an influencial sub-committee, starts getting face time on the Sunday chat shows, pumps up his TVQ, and the next thing you know…
He’s running for Super President!
And he’s at polling at 43% among likely voters in Iowa! It’s a frigging dream come true.