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Happy Birthday, Scott! »

Balboa Peninsula Attacked And Mutilated By Obama Supporter!

obamasand.jpg

NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Late Saturday afternoon, in the reddest part of California’s most conservative county, a crazed supporter of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama brutally mugged the sand with a metal detector.  According to the Beach, the assailant — described as a “tall black man wearing Madras plaid Bermuda shorts, a golf shirt, and a Panama hat” — stole four bottle caps, two loose keys, a grommet, and 74 cents in change.  The Beach, who is white, told investigators it suspected the man then noticed a soggy “McCain-Palin” sign wrapped around a leg of its pier, because he flew into a rage and allegedly punched the Beach below the waterline, then carved the campaign’s familiar “O” logo into it with a dull knife.

DEVELOPING…

Posted by scott on Sunday, October 26th, 2008 at 10:14 pm.

18 Responses to “Balboa Peninsula Attacked And Mutilated By Obama Supporter!”

…heh heh heh…

Goober.

And in re: self-mutilating attention whore with the “B” on her face: may the psycho-cunt get a raging staph infection and then have that turn into gangrene that even her daddy’s best plastic surgeon can’t fix.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 27th, 2008

That was way funnier than it really had any right being. I’m still giggling.

Left by D. Sidhe on October 27th, 2008

Scott,

Those birds on the beach, they look suspiciously brown-feathered…are they illegal immigrants?

Left by actor212 on October 27th, 2008

Annti, you don’t want to wish that she
gets gangrene from her little cut-up job.

Gangrene only occurs in deep wounds or body tissues where there isn’t much exposure to the oxygen in the air. Not so much with the ‘highly vascular’(med speak for “a hell of a lot of blood vessels) skin over the cheek. She’s highly unlikely to get that kind of infection.

What you do want her to get is a MRSA
infection:

The initial presentation of MRSA is small red bumps that resemble pimples, spider bites, or boils that may be accompanied by fever and occasionally rashes. Within a few days the bumps become larger, painful and eventually open into deep, pus-filled boils.[16] About 75 percent of CA-MRSA infections are localized to skin and soft tissue and usually can be treated effectively; however CA-MRSA strains display enhanced virulence, spreading more rapidly and causing illness much more severe than traditional HA-MRSA infections, and they can affect vital organs and lead to widespread infection (sepsis), toxic shock syndrome and necrotizing (“flesh-eating”) pneumonia. This is thought to be due to toxins carried by CA-MRSA strains, such as PVL and PSM. It is not known why some healthy people develop CA-MRSA skin infections that are treatable whereas others infected with the same strain develop severe infections or die.[17]

At the very least, she’d have to be in an isolation ward, and any visitors would have to wear gowns and masks to keep from catching and spreading the MRSA.

She’d be left to herself, which would be hell for her.

Left by The Dark Avenger on October 27th, 2008

DA, I fucking LOVE the way that you think!

Remember that online picture from at least 10 years ago, of the guy from some jungle-bound island who waited until the flies and their maggots had eaten away the ENTIRE TOP OF HIS SKULL before he hiked to the nearest town to see a doctor?

Can we throw THAT affliction on the bitch, too?

Oh, sure, the maggots would probably STARVE from lack of actual brain tissue to eat, but it’d still be fun to watch.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 27th, 2008

To be fair, maggots only eat dead tissue, not unused, live tissue.

So they’d probably die after finishing off her dandruff………..

Left by The Dark Avenger on October 27th, 2008

What’s funny – is that if the crazy lady had carved an “O” into her own face, no one woulda been able to tell it was backwards.

Left by dAVE on October 28th, 2008

Yeah, but Dave, they might’ve mistaken it for a badly-botched home-piercing venture!

What cracks me up is that she was too stupid/drunk/delirious to notice that she was CARVING IT BACKWARDS IN THE MIRROR. Please tell me that this skank is sterile. PLEASE.

And D.A., do ya HAVE to ruin the pretty cartoons in my head? I can send you the maggot-brain pic, if you don’t remember the one I mentioned… His brain was still, ostensibly, alive, yet the maggots had eaten-away the skullcap and down INTO the cerebrum. Looks like the world’s worst pot-pie made out of lasagna.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 28th, 2008

As someone who has struggled with both forms of MRSA for the better part of twelve months now…penance, I’m sure, for dating a Republican…I can assure you it’s not as painful as you guys make it out to be.

Unless, you can get her in the thigh or other fleshy part, where it actually eats into the muscle tissue.

On her face, it’s not much more mildly annoying than a bad pimple. Ugly as fucking sin, tho, but in her case, probably an improvement!

(oh no he din’t!)

Left by actor212 on October 28th, 2008

I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe. I was not afraid…

Left by J Neo Marvin on October 28th, 2008

Actor.

Dude.

I knew that you were a fucking masochist, but that’s just fucking ridiculous!!!

Ain’t no pussy worth putting up with a republicunt.

Ain’t no dick worth it, either.

Tsk, tsk, tsk… And yes, flesh-eating diseases and autoimmune disorders usually spring from a deep well of self-loathing, also demonstrated by DATING REPUBLICUNTS.

I worry about you, boy.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 28th, 2008

To quote my Significant Other’s sage advice:

“Don’t stick your dick in crazy.”

I would include “stupid” in that.

Left by Thursday on October 28th, 2008

After examining those marks in the sand, I’m calling it a fake. There’s no way that was done with a dull knife. Probably a spoon, possibly a plastic shovel.

Left by RobW on October 29th, 2008

Thursday, how would you phrase that for those of us who’ve evolved past dicks?

(Don’t believe me? Ask Dr. King at UNO, wrote the textbook for the “Psychology of Sex” class, and he sez that wimmenfolk are more highly-evolved than mens, ’cause we’ve got more-specialized equipment.)

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 29th, 2008

Sure – just as soon as he can explain how “more specialized” = “more highly-evolved”. And what “more specialized” is supposed to mean when it comes to evolution.

Sorry, Doc. King: no sale here.

Left by Thursday on October 30th, 2008

Howz about: “Dumb doesn’t deserve you.”

Seriously, why would you want to sacrifice yourself, even for the few, twitching moments they would last, to some idiot’s pleasure?

Save sex for those who have earned it!

Left by Thursday on October 30th, 2008

‘Cause peckers have to serve TWO functions through one tube plus the poop-shoot, whereas wimmenfolks have three different spigots, so to speak, for three different purposes. If you saw the textbook, you’d prolly change yer mind. Esp. after you saw the genital wart pix… cauliflower!!!

And when it comes to sex, I retired over two years ago.

Wasn’t difficult, really. After you’ve evicted yet another closet-case who keeps reminding you that he’d rather have a dude, the whole concept kinda loses its appeal.

It’s not about “sacrificing yourself,” it’s about getting what you want, when you want it. Hell, I could walk into a GAY BAR in New Orleans and get hit-on (no, that’s not where I met them), it’s not like getting laid is an ACHIEVEMENT. Sure, it was a hoot “scoring” in college, but honestly, that glow wears off after the first 20 minutes, anyway.

I actually kinda like being a spinster. Nobody to clean-up after but myself (and teh kittehs), never have to sleep on the wet spot, never have to catch him reading “Male Fitness” magazines in the bathroom… No, I don’t consider myself a “fag-hag” or a “fruit fly,” but I do seem to attract the woman-hating, self-loathing closet-cases like a flystrip. Go figure.

And women are every bit as batshit-crazy, so no, that’s not a new option. A guy will rip out your heart, but a woman will rip it out, laugh like Cruella DeVille, eat it in front of you while it’s still beating & dripping blood, and then dance on your corpse.

Right now, I should be at a tattoo convention in New Orleans, dammit. A definite NON-closet-case’s plane just landed, the bastard. No, I’m not a masochist (that you can prove), but it’s one of those Sid-and-Nancy things. No drugs (except for his viagra & rogaine), but just as toxic.

But yes, my ass will be stuck here @ L’Hotel du Fucktards all damned weekend. Wahhhhh.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 30th, 2008

BTW, don’t rule out the dumb ones, they’re usually the purdy ones… *sigh*

I may be retired, but I ain’t senile.

Well, not totally senile.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 30th, 2008

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