• Hey! We're on Twitter!

  • Buy The Book!



    Click to Buy The Mug

    Buy The Book

Archive for August 3rd, 2010

Soyent Green is the President! Or Something.

Posted by s.z. on August 3rd, 2010

Anybody watch Rubicon on AMC the other night? It’s pretty good. It’s about an analyst at a NSA-type organization who notices some synchronicity in the world’s crossword puzzles. And then people start dying. (Damn you, NY Times!) As the promo tells us, “Not all conspiracies are theories.”

And I have to say how happy I was that Scott paid a call on our old friend Pastor Swank. It made my whole morning to read of the Pastor’s homey encounters with buns, crack, hepatitis-laden earrings, watchful librarians, and scalding spouses. (I think we now have the background we need to properly appreciate the story of how the Pastor was planning on abandoing his wife to the actions of his homicidal son and fleeing town on a Greyhound Bus.)

And speaking of crazy old guys and conspiracies, Chuck Norris has uncovered the scoop of the century: President Obama is planning on assassinating his U.S. opponents. You know, because he’s a liberal!

Obama’s US Assassination Program?

Sound too conspiratorial to be true? Like the cover-up ops of spy novels? Well, it’s reality.

And the fact that you are hearing about it from the actor who starred in Invasion USA doesn’t mean it’s not!

And it is possibly the most bizarre, inhumane and abusive way that the White House is expanding its power over the American people.

It’s even more bizarre than the federal law against growing your own tomatoes that my “Number of the Beast is Obama” relatives and acquaintances keep raving about. And it’s even more inhumane and abusive than reinstating the inheiritance tax!

It’s not an extremist belief or theory of the far right.

It’s an extremist theory of the crackpot section of a really gullible portion of the Glenn Beck wing of the wingnuts.

And it’s the gravest nightmare of U.S. citizens and abandonment of our Constitution to date: a presidential assassination program in which U.S. citizens are in the literal scopes of the executive branch based upon nothing more than allegations of terrorism involvement as the branch defines it.

It’s a little known fact that members of the elite Presidential Assassination Program find the executive branch a much deadlier weapon than the AK-47, what with its high-tech literal scope and all.

Of course, the CIA has executed covert assassinations of foreigners for decades. But tragically, Obama is expanding this program to include American, non-Islamic, stateside, homegrown terrorists.

Okay, this is the crux of Chuck’s objection to this imaginary assassination plan: not all of the people on the hit list are Muslims!!!

According to Chuck, the outlines of the conspiracy were first revealed in January, when The Washington Post reported: “As part of the operations, Obama approved a Dec. 24 strike against a (Yemeni) compound where a U.S. citizen, Anwar al-Aulaqi, was thought to be meeting with other regional al-Qaeda leaders. Although he was not the focus of the strike and was not killed, he has since been added to a shortlist of U.S. citizens specifically targeted for killing or capture.”

The horror, the horror!

“A shortlist of U.S. citizens specifically targeted for killing”?

“Or capture” Chuck. Remember to read to the end of the sentence.

That’s right. No arrest. No Miranda rights. No due process. No trial. Just a bullet.

Remember the good old days when conservatives were whining about how liberals were too soft on terrorists, what with the chicken l’orange at Gitmo. (Not to mention the wimpy way liberals were always objecting to water boarding and “24″ and such.) Well, those days are gone, and now the problem is that the Democrats AREN’T Mirandizing al-Qaeda members, which is against everything that conservatives hold dear.

Well, the real new problem is that apparently Obama has decided to kill everybody and let God sort them out. At least, that’s what Chuck has taken from some media stories that somebody in his “Birthers” news list group mentioned, or he heard about through his fillings or something.

The gist of the evidence of this conspiracy is:

A former director of national intelligence, Adm. Dennis Blair, confessed before Congress: “We take direct actions against terrorists in the intelligence community. If we think that direct action will involve killing an American, we get specific permission to do that.”

Meaning that, for instance, a strike is planned against a Yemeni compound where a U.S. citizen is thought to be plotting with al-Qaeda leaders, they need to get permission from the President before sending the missile.

If you are wondering who the “we” are to whom Adm. Blair refers, they are Smith, Wesson and the White House.

Hey, that would be a great idea for a syndicated TV show: “Now, from the producer who brought you Walker, Texas Ranger, watch out for Smith, Wesson, and the White House. They get the bad guys! No due process. No trial. Just a bullet. Coming this fall!”

Now we know what deputy national security adviser John Brennan meant when he admitted in May, “And under President Obama, we have built upon the work of the previous administration and have accelerated efforts in many areas.”

Yes, now we know. That reference to “many areas” tells it all. And it’s more horrible than we could have possibly imagined!

Brennan further explained then that the problem of homegrown terrorists ranks as a top priority because of the increasing number of U.S. individuals who have become “captivated by extremist ideology or causes.” He went on to say, “There are … dozens of U.S. persons who are in different parts of the world and … are very concerning to us.”

Do you think “different parts of the world” doesn’t include their country of origin?

And do you think that “are very concerning to us” doesn’t mean “And so we are planning on shooting them dead in their karate studios or while they sit at their typewriters working on their next Town Hall column, because we hate those stupid Tea Parties SO MUCH!”?

Anyway, there is legislation to legalize all this. As Chuck explains, there was this act, “H.R. 1955,” which was passed in the House but was rejected by the Senate.

Everyone thought that legislation was dead

. . .Cue the ominous music

. . .until the Obama administration resurrected its tenets in its 52-page “National Security Strategy,” released in May.

And because this strategy has 52-pages, no one could possible link to it, quote from it, or even cite some of its horrible tenets. So, just trust Chuck when he says that it’s been assembled from parts of dead legislation, zapped with lightening, and now IT’S ALIVE and spreading terror among the villagers!

So alarming is the feds’ potential abuse of power that officials from London to the Kremlin are recognizing the threat to U.S. citizens.

The European Union Times reported, “Foreign Ministry reports circulating in the Kremlin today are warning that an already explosive situation in the United States is about to get a whole lot worse as a new law put forth by President Obama is said capable of seeing up to 500,000 American citizens jailed for the crime of opposing their government.”

And if we can’t trust the Kremlin to tell us when we should be alarmed, then who can we trust? Well, certainly we can panic when we read an undocumented quote from a European paper stating that unnamed officials from unknown countries are warning that this law is going to cause half a million US citizens to be put in jail for opposing the government.

But I guess there is different legislation that allows the President to deal with the really annoying people via the “No due process. No trial. Just a bullet” option. Here, let him explain it himself.

President Obama explained in an often overlooked statement within the “National Security Strategy”: “We are now moving beyond traditional distinctions between homeland and national security. … This includes a determination to prevent terrorist attacks against the American people by fully coordinating the actions that we take abroad with the actions and precautions that we take at home.”

Could it be any clearer? Right out of the horse’s mouth. Or do I need to spell out what “fully coordinating the actions that we take abroad with the actions and precautions that we take at home” means?

Damn it, you heard him yourself! The President just admitted that he plans to “Fully coordinate, with extreme prejudice, the actions that we take to blow up terrorist headquarters in Afghanistan, with missile strikes at home, in downtown Los Angeles, if we feel this will prevent an attack on the American people by someone disagreeing with White House policy.” Could it be any clearer? COULD IT???

Remember the words “a shortlist of U.S. citizens specifically targeted for killing”?

That’s right. No arrest. No Miranda rights. No due process. No trial. Just a bullet.

. . .And a grave. In the Non-Islamic part of the cemetery. But no flowers. And a cut-rate funeral. With a really bad eulogy given by Pastor Swank. That’s what those on the shortlist of half a million will get. Unless somebody does something!

In Part 2 next week, I will give further evidence of “Obama’s U.S. assassination program” and explain why I say the administration is going after non-Islamic stateside radicals.

Next week is already here, and Part 2 is equally compelling. I will address it later today, or maybe tomorrow. Unless they get me first. With no arrest. And no trial. Just a bullet. And no health care. Just a Band-Aid. A generic one, from the Dollar Store.

Tucker’s Improbable History

Posted by scott on August 3rd, 2010

From The Daily Caller’s teaser email, The DC Morning, which, as we’ve learned from Jim Treacher, is a pun on “D.C.,” and the multiple meanings of “morning”…

I must be getting old, but I gotta tell you, these kids today, with their meth, and their bow ties, and their cozying up to dynasties four or five periods before the Georgian era.  In my day, we renounced independence from the House of Hanover when we didn’t want to pay our taxes, and we liked it that way.  But then the Tudors got that TV series, and it had a slim and buff Henry VIII, and showed a lot of skin, and now all the youngsters think it’s much sexier to renounce them.

I’m a little unclear about that last part, however, because while I’ve admittedly done zero research on the subject, I somehow doubt that it’s “middle class people” who are lining up at our embassy in London to renounce their citizenship for tax purposes. That seems like the sort of thing more characteristic of our dickish home-grown oligarchs, doesn’t it?  But I will stipulate that the middle class is full of feeble, blood-sucking Fabians, because you can’t argue with The Daily Caller, or you’ll wind up looking like a pedant trying to correct a parrot’s grammar.

A Humble Request, From An Even Humbler Teacher

Posted by Maryc on August 3rd, 2010

As some of you may (or may not) know, I teach in a very low income school in downtown Los Angeles. Needless to say, the California Economic Crisis is hitting us, and hitting us hard. We’re losing our Computer Teacher, our Librarian, our Social Worker, our School Counselor and so much more.

In response to the HUGE need that all public schools are facing in our country right now, Kohl’s Dept. Stores have set up a fund that will give $500,000 to the 20 schools that get the most votes through their FaceBook charity app thing. If you would like to help a public school in need, a public school that employs me, for instance, please take a moment and vote for us (up to FIVE times!) at Kohls’ Dept. Store FaceBook app: Kohl’sCares:

We are like 10,000 votes behind the top vote getter, so any and all help is much appreciated. If you are on twitter, and can tweet this (and would like to tweet this), please do! It’s totally free and easy to do. (mentioning it on FaceBook rocks, too!)

There are over 1,000 students who will benefit from your vote, and if we end up in the top 20, all of my first grade students will create a special art project for each and everyone of the WoC commenters who voted for them. What kind of “Art Projects”, you may ask? Well, Art Projects such as battle scarred Cat in the Hat: