In a frantic effort to burnish her national security credentials, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is flying to New York for the opening of the United Nations General Assembly, where she plans to go on a whirlwind shopping spree of foreign dignitaries.
Over the course of just 30 hours in New York City starting on Tuesday, the Republican vice-presidential nominee is scheduled to meet with seven world leaders…Afghan President Hamid Karzai, Colombian President Alvaro Uribe and former secretary of state Henry Kissinger, Palin will hold separate private talks with Iraqi President Jalal Talabani, Pakistani President Ali Zardari, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili, Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko…
This still leaves her short of Biden’s score, however, so Governor Palin plans to supplement her experience by pretending to confer with the leaders of several fictitious countries, including the King of Ruritania from The Prisoner of Zenda, the Prime Minister of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick from The Mouse That Roared, and the Grand Exalted High Macha of Raspur from What’s Up, Tiger Lily? She’s also bringing a pair of high-powered Zeiss binoculars to scan the grounds of the U.N. for migratory potentates, and according to the rules of birdwatching she’s entitled to log such encounters as “meetings,” so long as the foreign officials match their description in the field guide and she doesn’t get close enough to disturb their nests.
Meanwhile, the McCain campaign continues to insist that governing a state which shares a maritime border with Russia qualifies as experience in foreign affairs, although at least one aide admits that it’s “metaphorical” experience.
A senior campaign aide who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity admitted that Palin’s knowledge of Russia may be limited to the way someone from Miami might obtain a general feel for Latin America.
“It is very much being able to look off the tip of Alaska,” the aide said. “Metaphorically, I’m talking about.”
Each day of this campaign seems to bring us closer and closer to a wholly imaginary presidency, and personally, I can’t wait. The only time you’ll ever have to hear about administration policies is when you and your friends are sitting around a campfire, trying to scare each other. Dick Cheney will remain hidden in the bowels of the earth, appearing only when the Senate majority leader says his name three times into a mirror so he can break a tie. And the President will live on largely in myth and legend, glimpsed only occasionally and from a distance as he strides to his helicopter, like those shaky, out of focus Bigfoot films.
Join us, and pledge your support now! Sasquatch / Chupacabra 2008!