Start the season off right, with this animated holiday classic from the Stephanie Miller show:

It’s a Blunderful Life, starring George W. Bush as George W. Bailey.

Happy Holidays | 4 Comments »

With the TV season disrupted by the writers strike, Fox has decided to delay the debut of 24, depriving Americans of entertainment, and presidential candidates of desperately needed mid-debate metaphors.  But for those who can’t wait until spring for a dose of spectator torture, we offer a simple solution:

Torture us.

Yes, s.z. and I have heard the cries of the multitudes, begging us for a sequel to (available through the link on the left for all your holiday gift-giving needs).   Now, in the spirit of candor, and upon advice of counsel, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that by some standards it wasn’t quite a multitude, and they weren’t actually begging – in fact, the chances are good it was just a possum giving birth in s.z.’s attic — but the important thing is that we heard something, and we are answering the call!

But this isn’t just a literary project, or random act of masochism.  No, it’s a pop culture emetic…for you, the World O’ Crap reader.  If there are any motion pictures which have gotten under your skin and begun to fester, then allow us to play medieval barber and lance that boil for you.  In other words, we’re pulling a Jonah Goldberg-style bleg (but stopping short of the Full Jonah, since we’re just looking for suggestions, not someone to write the book for us).  Compile a short or long list of films you would most like to see given the BLTBM treatment — any age or genre is fine, although we’re most interested in movies released in the last five years — and post them in the comments. 

Thanks!  And until then, we’ll see you…at the movies!  (You’ll recognize us, we’ll be the ones jackknifed in pain and weeping bitter salty tears into our Mr. Pibb.)

The Book | 47 Comments »

“Happy Hanukkah?  Why I’ll give you eight magical nights of ASS KICKING!” 

Ordinarily, I enjoy the War on Christmas.  I love the spectacle of Bill O’Reilly, his face erubescent with rage and his dewlap swelling like the croak sac of a toad, as he foretells of our cherished mercantile customs crushed beneath the iron heel of Secular Progressivism, our once rich and bountiful land bereft of mall Santas and Rankin-Bass holiday specials.  (O’Reilly: “If I had not done the campaign, then the forces of darkness would have won.”)  It couldn’t be funnier if Bill launched into a jeremiad on how the forced integration of Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays into a single “President’s Day” was eroding our ancient tradition of the January White Sale.

Delightful stuff, and for the most part, harmless, because the vast majority of people realize that Bill’s verbal emissions have the same substance — but fewer practical uses – than the stuff that comes out of a Rosco Fog Machine.  However, it seems that certain New Yorkers (otherwise known as “the Fox News demographic” or ”morons” for short) are no longer satisfied to fight the War with conventional weapons — blogs, punditry, and quivering wattles.

Per Atrios, we see that Christ Our Savior was born this day in the city of David, and this shall we a sign unto you to gangbang straphangers with violent holiday greetings:

On Friday, Four Jewish subway riders who wished other people Happy Hanukkah were pelted with anti-Semitic remarks before being beaten, New York police and prosecutors said.

The incident was being investigated as a possible hate crime.

The four were on a train in Manhattan on Friday night, during the eight-day Jewish Festival of Lights, when they were approached by a group of 10 people who offered holiday greetings. The victims responded, Happy Hanukkah and were assaulted by the larger group, police said Tuesday…

One of the men charged, Joseph Jirovec, pleaded guilty last year to attempted robbery as a hate crime and was awaiting sentencing, prosecutors said. Jirovec, who is white, was part of a group that yelled racial epithets and assaulted two black teenagers in Brooklyn, prosecutors said.

Jirovec’s lawyer, Peter Mollo, said Tuesday it was unlikely his client would attack someone for being Jewish. His mother was Jewish, Mollo said. It’s very unlikely he would do something like this at all.

And if his mother’s Jewish, that would certainly make him a Jew.  But he’s probably one of those “perfected Jews,” who can no more abide a flawed, incomplete, pre-Jesus-worshipping Hebrew than Poppin Fresh can stand the sight of limp, underdone Christmas cookies pulled prematurely from the oven.

UPDATE:  As Trenchcoat points out in comments, a Muslim student came to the victim’s aid during the attack.

Happy Holidays | 17 Comments »

Over at Townhall, Dinesh D’Souza carefully reaches through his fly with a pair of tweezers and tries to pull out his penis, much like a kid attempting the “remove wrenched ankle” maneuver in a game of Operation.  The nerve-wracking procedure is a success, allowing him to piss on America’s shoes, then complain that we didn’t tip him for the shine.

If you haven’t seen my “God v. Atheism” debate with philosopher Daniel Dennett, you can view it at Tothesource.org.

And if you’re the sort of person who would enjoy streaming video of Dinesh D’Souza hectoring an elderly atheist, you could also go here and find a list of professionals who will beat you about the buttocks and thighs with a rattan cane and put binder clips on your scrotum. But in Dinesh’s favor, his debate video is free.

You should read the comments in response to the debate both on my AOL blog as well as on the atheist site richarddawkins.net. From the atheists you hear statements like this: “D’Souza is a goddamned idiot.” “Odious little toad.” “D’Souza is full of s**t.” “A smug, joyless twit.” “Total moron.” “Little turd.” “Two-faced liar.” Etc, etc.

As you can see, Dinesh doesn’t need to employ a professional dominatrix, because whenever he wants to be reminded that he’s a bad boy in severe need of correction, he has only to express his asinine opinions on the internet.  The result is sort of like those sacks of pricey swag that celebrities receive for attending media events, except instead of Fendi sunglasses and bottles of botanical dog shampoo, Dinish is feted with the finest in verbal abuse; and it’s all free! 

Now admittedly the topic of God v. atheism can be an emotional one, but you will find no comparable invective on the Christian side.  Why then are so many atheists so angry?

One reason I think is that they are God-haters.

Yeah, that must be it.  And since Dinesh is God’s appointed spokesperson on Earth, he’s gotta take the heat.  It’s exactly like being Dana Perino.  Except shorter.  And with at least a vague idea of what the Cuban Missile Crisis was.

Atheists often like to portray themselves as “unbelievers” but this is not strictly accurate. If they were mere unbelievers they would simply live their lives as if God did not exist. I don’t believe in unicorns, but then I haven’t written any books called The End of Unicorns, Unicorns are Not Great, or The Unicorn Delusion.

True.  But then, people who do believe in unicorns haven’t been running the government for the past 7 years, launching elective wars and undermining civil liberties because the terrorists hate us for our mythical horned horses, or declaring, in Mitt Romney’s famous phrase, “Freedom requires unicorns just as unicorns require freedom.”  Nor have they been appointing strict cryptozoologist judges to the Supreme Court in an effort to overturn Roe v. Wade, because abortion makes unicorns weep perfect teardrop pearls, or trying to raise a profitable panic about legal threats to our worship of forehead-enhanced ungulates.

Just for perspective, here’s the ad that accompanied Dinesh’s column on Townhall:

 

Or, more in keeping with Dinesh’s irrefutable analogy:

Clearly the atheists go beyond disbelief; they are on the warpath against God. And you can hear their bitterness not only in their book titles but also in their mean-spirited invective.

If atheists would just accept the fact that this is a Christian nation established on Biblical principles by Founding Fathers who were mostly clerics, maybe they could relax and stop being such potty mouths. 

Here is a second reason the atheists sound so angry. They are not used to having their sophistries exposed. For the past three years the new atheists have had a virtually free ride. Dawkins and Hitchens make outrageous claims (“religion poisons everything”) and media pundits like Lou Dobbs and Tim Russert fawn all over them.

Since Hitchens also went on cable TV and made outrageous claims about the necessity of going to war with Iraq, and Dobbs and Russert fawned all over him about that, too, I’m going to hazard a guess that they’re not actually in love with atheism.  They’re just in love with fawning.

But in the past few months I’ve been meeting the leading atheist spokesmen in open debate, and challenging them on the basis of the same reason and science and evidence that they say vindicates their claims.

After my first debate with Michael Shermer, editor of Skeptic magazine, several atheists on Dawkins’ site said, “Well, D’Souza won that debate, but wait till he meets Hitchens. Hitchens will wipe the floor with him. D’Souza RIP.” Then after I debated Hitchens the atheists said, “Oh no, this one didn’t go as planned. Hitchens didn’t do so well.” Another commented that atheists could not afford to lose two in a row.

To Dinesh D’Souza?  The guy who, in Doghouse Riley’s immortal phrase, had his ”soul depantsed” on The Colbert Report?  That guy?

Now after my Dennett debate, what’s the verdict?

I’m pretty sure that you and a variety of puppets fashioned from $2.99 per dozen tube socks from Target think you did splendidly. 

Well, the audience was full of Dennett supporters who began with enthusiastic applause for him but, as the debate went on, fell largely silent.

I hear the same thing often happens to Washington Generals fans at Globetrotter games. 

Several came up to me afterward and told me that I had won.

Atheists:  Boiling with rage and loathing, they verbally scourge their opponents with vile and blasphemous obloquy.  But they’re gracious in defeat. 

Dennett himself seemed dispirited after the event.

Well, he had just spent the evening with Dinesh D’Souza. 

Even so, when I posted the debate on my blog, the atheists went into damage control mode. The debate was instantly posted on atheist sites, and atheists rushed to my AOL blog to vote Dennett the winner. This effort gave atheists an early lead, but when the votes were tallied I was the victor.

Sure can’t argue with that kind of “reason and science and evidence.”

 Interestingly my margin of victory was even bigger than that for the resolution, suggesting that several people voted that “God Is a Man-Made Invention” and still thought I won the debate.

Or you screwed up while Freeping your own poll.

A good way to assess a debate is to see what the partisans on each side say. Among Christians the verdict is unanimous.

You’re right, that was a good way to assess the debate.  Can I go now? 

Here’s a sample comment from a Townhall reader: “My heart went out to Professor Dennett because he was so totally over-matched in this debate You totally demolished him as you have the other atheists you have debated.” But all you have to do is to go to atheist sites to see that many atheists also think that I won, although this is sometimes very grudgingly admitted.

Dinesh had the statistics and links to substantiate his assertions, but they were lost in the crash of John Lott’s computer.

Here is a sampling of comments that I’ve taken from richarddawkins.net.  ”I was at the debate and thought Dennett did not prove his point.” “I’m so tired of these D’Souza debates. The more people we send his way the larger his smile grows.” “I feel such debates should stop.” “I love Dennett’s ideas about atheism but I do think he handled this debate poorly against Dinesh.” “Ok, Dennett sucked…Dennett’s type of responses just made him look like an ass.” “Dinesh is an amazingly talented orator, considering how hopeless a case he is arguing.” “Hitchens has had a shot, as has Dennett, and neither has succeeded in demolishing D’Souza. D’Souza has a very effective debating technique. Not only did a lot of atheists get up and fire straw-man arguments at D’Souza that he was easily able to counter and make them look foolish, but Dennett…lost his composure and his train of thought.” “Let’s face it, this guy has taken our best shots and still come out looking good. Maddening.”

Why do these mash notes make me think that under Dinesh’s bed there’s a secret journal, its pages filled with doodles of stars and horses and daisies and signed with the looping, curlicued name, “Mr. Anne Coulter” over and over and over again?

So where does this leave the atheists?

Back in your sock drawer? 

Otherwise the self-styled “brights” are going to face the empirical fact that when it comes to defending their views, atheists are basically losers. Remarkably, the “party of reason” is simply incompetent to vindicate those claims against an advocate of the “party of faith.” Now what could be more embarrassing than that?

Writing a column proving how cool you are by utilizing Jan Brady’s empirically proven “George Glass” Method?

Wingnuts | 18 Comments »

When we last left Michael Medved, he was halfway through a Quinn Martin epilogue, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hippies murdered the Melting Pot.

By that time the tribalism of the ‘60’s had become a more or less permanent feature of our national life with identity politics and jostling interest groups taking the place of any homogenizing notion of Americanism.

As you probably recall from junior high civics class, the children of immigrants have traditionally been eager to assimilate mainstream American culture and idioms.  But thanks to tie-dye, Shindig!, and Annie Greensprings Strawberry wine, no child of foreign born parents has eaten a hamburger or learned to speak English since June 2, 1967, when Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was released in the U.S. 

African-Americans, feminists, Latinos, gays, Asians, the disabled, hippies, Native Americans – each aggrieved segment of society demanded justice and redress, competing for recognition as the most victimized and gypped.

Uh, Mike?  I think the Gypsies just won. 

The competitive victimhood encouraged even privileged people to affiliate with some marginalized cohort or synthetically assembled “community,” and to shun any assimilation into the bland American middle.

To protest this trend, Michael has severed all links with Orthodox Judaism and now, whenever he is asked to state his religious affiliation, proudly responds, “Miracle Whip.”

With all the suffering subgroups clamoring so colorfully for recognition and sympathy, the once respected mainstream looked suddenly, simultaneously, guilty and boring. “Black is Beautiful” and “Never Trust Anyone Over Thirty” became trendy slogans, while any suggestions that “White is Beautiful” or demands to “Respect Your Elders” drew only derision and hostility.

Among other ubiquitous phrases that mysteriously fell into disuse around this time were “Free, White and 21,” “That’s Mighty White of You,” and “Whites Only.”  An effort was made to compete with the Negroes by defiantly chanting ”White is Beautiful (after Memorial Day and Before Labor Day)!” but it never really caught on, and Western Civilization knew the jig was up.

The old national motto, “E Pluribus Unum” – out of many, one – sounded intolerant, disrespectful of difference and diversity, as the ideal of a melting pot gave way to a “gorgeous multicultural mosaic.”

Remember when the country was torn asunder over “E Pluribus Unum?”  Black against white?  Brother against brother?  Football team against Latin Club?  Personally, I think it should have led to a bigger conflict than it did, but it was harder to pronounce than “Fifty-Four Forty or Fight!”  Fortunately, New York Mayor David Dinkins arrived on horseback to restore order and arrange people of different skin tones together to create a picture.

The concept of an overarching, unifying, non-ironic definition of American identity looked less and less plausible.

In 1904, Broadway giant George M. Cohan proudly and tunefully identified himself as –
“….a Yankee Doodle Dandy
A Yankee Doodle do or die.
A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam
Born on the Fourth of July.”

The American tragedy is that today, Dandy’s are hard to come by.  And you can search the land from sea to shining sea without finding anyone whose dream it is to be a Doodle.  Like the Shakers, the Doodles have all died off, save for those few who left the sect in the mid-80s to become Peppers. 

Compared to other world powers, America deserves guilt less but struggles with it more. Our French cousins celebrate Bastille Day with abandon, joy and unapologetic pride, despite the ugly stains on the Tricolor. For Mexicans and for Mexican immigrants in the United States, Cinco de Mayo doesn’t provide an occasion for brooding meditation on the pain and disappointment and injustice that’s always characterized our turbulent neighbor to the south.

Probably because Cinco de Mayo is an exceedingly minor occasion in Mexico, while in the U.S. it’s a particularly tedious workday for immigrants who have to deal with white people crowding into Chi-Chis and El Toritos to get caca-faced on two-for-one Hornitos shooters.

Ironically, the one national holiday observed in America with the most unalloyed elation and pugnacious pleasure is St. Patrick’s Day, which seldom, even in the most boozy stupor, gives rise to remorse over the failings and foibles of the children of Eire.

Ironic?  On the contrary, it’s the Melting Pot in action.  Americans don’t care where a holiday comes from, so long as its divorced from it’s original meaning and provides an excuse to drink until you pass out in a pond of your own puke.

Some might explain this American penchant for harsh self-criticism as a product of our higher ideals and more lofty aspirations. Through most of its long, tortured history, no one ever really expected Russia to serve as a “light to the nations” or a “shining city on a hill.” The United States, on the other hand, has long expected to remake the world in our image, and often succeeded in that endeavor. The fact that we have attempted more shouldn’t obscure the fact that we’ve also achieved more, and stumbled less other nations with significant roles in world affairs. In baseball, even the most fearsome (and well-paid) power hitters will strike out occasionally, or hit into double plays. It’s inevitable to feel special frustration when All Stars fail to deliver, but these high expectations shouldn’t focus attention on failures alone, and obscure all the home-runs and solid hits delivered the rest of the time. The soaring ambitions of the United States didn’t lead to humanity- crushing disasters, but instead helped to inspire more success for more people – Americans as well as others—than logic or experience would have deemed possible.

I’m no semiotician like that Protein Wisdom guy, so I couldn’t tell you the precise term for this style of rhetoric, but I’m pretty sure that in geology it’s called “outgassing.”

Acceptance of the bitter lies about America undermines the ongoing aspiration that alone can power the United States in its continued role as the mighty engine of human betterment.

Remember:  Rigorous self-improvement is impossible unless you deny your flaws.

*pace Scott Kurtz, this allows America to forget all about slavery, broken treaties, the Gilded Age, and that one night when they boned Lois Lane.

My Country Right, Wrong or Decline to State | 22 Comments »

The former movie critic drops in this week to once again talk up the nation-building advantages of bonded servitude, genocide, and colonialism, but he can’t stay long, because he’s being relentlessly pursued by police Lieutenant Philip Gerard, who believes that Michael is guilty of transporting Harry Reems’ mustache across state lines for immoral purposes.  So let’s dive right in and start airbrushing Trotsky out of the May Day pictures…

If citizens look upon the origins of their society with guilt and confusion, they’ll find scant reason to identify with its fate or to repair its shortcomings. The current notion that America’s undeniable power and privilege rest upon shameful foundations poisons our public discourse, embitters the national mood, and paralyzes all efforts for constructive change. 

If you don’t stick your head in the sand and practice denial, how are you ever going to really change things?

Those who embrace the idea that the USA came into being through vicious genocide against native populations, built its economy through the unique oppression of African slaves, facilitated corporate exploitation of immigrant masses, and damaged countless other nations with its imperialist policies, will naturally assume that we’re paying the price for these crimes and abuses – 

Until they remember that Accountability was found dead of a suspicious gunshot wound in Ft. Marcy Park.

Negative assumptions about our guilty forebears allow contemporary Americans to wallow in self-pity without accepting blame of any sort for our much-discussed sorry state. 

Translation:  If you’re feeling a trifle guilty about voting for George W. Bush, and a bit stupid about voting for him twice, it helps to realize that America has gone through many periods of injustice, rapaciousness, and general crapitude and above all to remember the legacy of your great-great grandfather, who horsewhipped an apprentice tanner into a coma after the boy was overcome by the stench and dropped a bottle of chromium salts into a drum of goat skins.  He never recovered, of course, but on the bright side grandpa was easily able to fill the position with another desperate urchin, and thus continue the Circle of Life.

This ‘tainted legacy,’ this endlessly analyzed burden of embarrassment and apology, has brought a bittersweet or even decidedly sour flavor to great national celebrations that formerly featured joy and jingoism.

Boy, nothing brings back the childlike joy of a national celebration like the smell and the squeak of patent leather jingoism polished to a mirror shine.  It sparks so many memories!  Gatherings that featured cheerfulness and chauvinism, tasty funnel cakes and shave ice.  And then, every Independence Day, revelry and racism!  And, if we were lucky, churros.

Columbus Day provokes similar controversy on a yearly basis, with angry demonstrations against the unwelcome encroachments of white interlopers in the pristine New World paradise they polluted with their disease-ridden, gold-hungry presence. 

Ingrates.  You think those smallpox-infected blankets were cheap?  They were pure wool, fully lined, and thermal rated to 35!

Our previous observance of the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln has given way to the anodyne and insipid “Presidents Day,” in which we’re supposed to commemorate all inhabitants of the White House – the incompetent as well as the inspiring

We had to, sorry.  Bush was starting to feel like the kid who doesn’t get picked for kickball even when one team is short a guy.  Admittedly, Michael has a point; we did once honor excellence in our chief executives, but now it’s more like the Special Olypmics — you get a holiday just for showing up and crapping your pants on the Constitution.

We’ve added a holiday for Martin Luther King, Jr., but while sanctifying the memory of a great and courageous advocate of brotherhood we inevitably use the occasion to recall, yet again, our ugly history of racism.

Yeah, do we have to keep harping on the civil rights stuff every time we take a day to honor MLK?  There’s got to be something else he was into.  Did he play sports?  Was he known for his work in the theatre…?

That same history now factors into the Fourth of July, with pointed reminders that some of the most prominent figures in the struggle for Independence (Jefferson, Washington, Patrick Henry) owned slaves.

Remember:  Context is the Enemy of Joy.

Meanwhile, when it comes to the sparklers, cherry bombs, and other fireworks that comprise the festival’s most hallowed tradition, many (if not most) of today’s celebrants secure such ordnance at Indian reservations – another ironic connection with the most painful elements of the nation’s past.

True, Native Americans did lose their ancestral lands, cultures, traditions, and most of their populations, but we have to make a mildy inconvenient drive if we want to light up a Smokey Joe.  So I guess the jokes on us.

Even Memorial Day and Veterans Day have lost some of their flag-waving, patriotic fervor and taken on a distinctly mournful, even skeptical edge.

I remember how juiced we all used to get about driving over to the National Cemetery in Westwood and laying a wreath on Memorial Day, but nowadays, what with all the contemplation and perspective and introspection, it really pisses on your party.  On the other hand, I think it’s a misuse of the bully pulpit for Michael to write an entire lengthy essay just because he couldn’t get a date on Veterans Day.

We now make a point of recalling dubious as well as heroic wars

And how are we ever going to get history to repeat itself if we’re doomed to remember it? 

…and taking note of those members of the military who sacrificed and served in our most controversial recent conflicts.

Remember, Veterans Day is a total gran mal seizure of Extreme Joy and Jingoism, unless any actual veterans show up, which is like somebody inviting the nerd fraternity to your big toga party.  If your date sees men and women who bear mute testamony to the horrors and sacrifice of war before she’s downed three or more Mickey’s Wide Mouths, then trust me, you’re not getting those panties off with a winch.

In fact, the Vietnam experience and the associated dislocations of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s helped to dissolve the patriotic consensus that had endured for two centuries, and promoted poisonous lies about the national character.

Nobody ever voted for a candidate who promised to keep our boys out of World War I, or suggested the Maine blew up in Havana Harbor due to a faulty boiler, or questioned the wisdom and legality of the Mexican-American War and then had the treasonous effrontery to become our 16th President, where he continued his efforts to tear this country in two.  Nope, skepticism about war all started with the hippies.  But we forgive them because they invented the blowjob.

The United States waged deeply controversial wars long before the conflict in South East Asia, but in all previous cases a sweeping, one-sided victory (as in the War with Mexico) or at least a concluding, climactic battle that gave the illusion of overall triumph…

I like how Michael is ready to settle for the illusion of victory, which oddly strikes me as a triumph for reality.  But he probably still can’t understand why the prisoners in Guantanamo won’t meet him halfway and accept the illusion of freedom by just closing their eyes and going to their Happy Place.

Once you’ve associated your native soil with genocidal fascists and white supremacist thugs, it’s tough to return to singing the praises of the land of the free and the home of the brave – even after ultimate victory in the Cold War, a new period of American hegemony, and the evanescent surge of unity and defensive pride following the terror attacks of 9/11. 

Okay, maybe I’m totally misreading this, because it’s midnight and I popped a Lunesta about an hour ago, but is Michael really saying that while we’re a country indisputably founded on theft, mass-murder, and discrimination, our biggest fault is that we don’t lie about it enough, and when we do — and are caught lying — our reponse is insuffiently defensive.  That about it?

Good grief, I haven’t even gotten through half of this thing yet — he’s still going on about the hippies, and when I scroll down, I’m rewarded with the lyrics to “I’m A Yankee Doodle Dandy.”  Time for bed. 

My Country Right, Wrong or Decline to State | 22 Comments »

I’ve always envied Donald wildmon, Founder and Chairman of the American Family Association, because my family, while American, largely refuses to associate with each other.  And even if we did all agree to join the United Federation of Families, I doubt very much we could successfully hold caucuses and elect a chairman, because my aunts can’t even decide who’s bringing the cottage cheese and lime Jell-O salad this year.

But I have studied Don’s methods for promoting familial familiarity, and believe that I’ve at long last succeded in discovering the secret architecture of Christendom.  According to the AFA’s blueprints, Western Civilization is build upon the foundation of the nuclear Family.  The Family, in turn, rests upon the rock that is the Church, while the Church is held firm and steady by our Bichon Frises and our Silkie Guinea Pigs.  It’s true!  For ‘lo, one day Brother Wildmon was fighting the War on Christmas, making the aisles run red with the blood of Home Depot clerks and Office Max shelf-stockers.  When he suddenly had a revelation on the Habitrail to Damascus:  That a certain demonic purveyor of aquarium gravel and Liv-A Snaps was trying to keep the Good News that Christ our savior was born on Christmas Day from reaching our pets in the form of rawhide candy canes and gag reindeer antlers.

Reading his stirring, St. Crispiny call to arms, one is led to conclude this is either the Final Battle in the War on Point of Purchase Displays, or Wildmon is scrapping the bottom of the barrel so hard he’s through the wood and the sod and halfway to magma.

At Petsmart, Christmas doesn’t exist

If you listened to PetSmart, you’d almost think your parakeets and tropical fish were atheists!

Send an e-mail to PetSmart and ask why they refuse to include Christmas in their promotion, choosing to only use holiday.

At PetSmart, Christmas doesn’t exist. It is not to be found anywhere on their Web Site. AFA checked out the local PetSmart store and there was no Christmas there, either.      A search on PetSmart’s home page found 252 references to “holiday.” It also found 43 references to “Christmas.” But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a page containing the same gifts you get when you search for holiday. Of all the items that pop up when you search for Christmas, not a single one mentions Christmas or is identified as being a Christmas gift.

And if, say, a chew toy isn’t specifically identified as a “Christmas gift” on a company’s website, then when when you unwrap it on Christmas Day and toss it to your dog he’ll just think you’re being nice, and won’t realize that the rawhide bone represents the body of Christ.

Even worse, I’ve discovered by following the link in the AFA “Action Alert!” that PetSmart isn’t merely mocking the faith of Christian gerbils, it’s deceitfully trying to disguise its banishment of Christmas from its website by including Christmas on it’s website!

 

The bastards…

With they stop at nothing to keep this holiest of days from our nation’s tabbies and shizus?

 

Apparently not.  I mean, what better way to keep Christ away from animals than by getting St. Francis involved?

Still, with all the trouble in the world, and all the needy people this holiday season, why would an evangelical organization choose to spend its spleen and energies in parsing whether the Santa and Reindeer effigies pictured above are “Christmas” or “Holiday” danglers?  In this case, they’re both, but that’s not the point.  The point, I suspect, is this:

Thank you for caring enough to get involved. If you feel our efforts are worthy of support, would you consider making a small tax-deductible contribution? Click here to make a donation.

Sincerely,    Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman American Family Association

Donate with confidence to AFA (gifts are tax-deductible)

I notice he doesn’t insist that you specifically label it a Christmas gift.  But then, if that’s what you’re in the market for, you needn’t grant your custom to the any of the apostate retailers on the AFA site.  You can simply go to the AFA Christmas store, for such steeped-in-the-manger Christmas gifts as The Pond:  Alligator Hunter.

Happy Holidays | 7 Comments »