If you’ve ever wanted to see a grown man with a livid, almost incandescent case of diaper rash (and if I’ve learned one lesson from spending my life on the internet, it’s that there’s a porn niche for every taste, no matter how exotic), then allow me to direct your attention to Richard Cohen’s latest column in the Washington Post.
There is almost nothing the Obama administration does regarding terrorism that makes me feel safer.
I know that a lot of people cast their ballot for Obama because they supported his goals of reforming health care, repairing the economy, and restoring American prestige abroad, but I’m a single issue voter and I hired him to be Richard Cohen’s babysitter. And so far, he sucks! I don’t know if Obama’s been spending all his time chatting on the phone with his boyfriend, or doing his homework, or whatever, but just look at this mess. Richard’s lost his nook and his blankie, he was allowed to stay up late and watch some scary show on FoxNews, and now he’s so hysterical I don’t think we’ll never get him down for the night!
Richard was particularly upset that the Justice Department even considered holding Khalid Sheik Mohammed’s trial in New York City, because it would have allowed the 9/11 Mastermind to assassinate the Stock Exchange with traffic, and given “KSM, as he is called, a second shot at devastating downtown New York.”
This [decision] was clearly the product of some excitement down at Justice — yet another chance to show the world that George W. Bush was gone and with him the odious attempts to treat terrorists as if they were, well, terrorists. A civilian trial! Right in the heart of Manhattan!
While it’s true that we also tried Richard Reid, the Shoe Bomber, in a civilian court, rather than throwing away habeas corpus and condemning him to a dungeon cell in the Chateau d’If, that’s only because Condi Rice was so dazzled by his functional, yet fashion forward footwear.
In a similar example of poor judgment, an undoubtedly delighted Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was told he had something called Miranda rights and could, if he so chose, cease talking about allegedly attempting to blow up a jetliner as it approached Detroit on Christmas Day.
Sure, he was willing to blow himself up and murder 200 people, but he only stopped talking to the police when he was told it was legal to do so. After all, he’s a terrorist, not a criminal.
Abdulmutallab was Mirandized after just 50 minutes of interrogation and he, having probably seen more than his share of “Law & Order” episodes, promptly shut up.
Somebody want to Mirandize Richard? It’s worth a try.
Administration officials defend what happened in Detroit and assert, against common sense and the holy truth itself, that they got valuable intelligence
My emphasis. And my rage-driven spittle flecking the monitor — sorry about that. Is this, by any chance, the same holy truth as delivered by the prophet John Kiriakou, the ex-CIA employee who “affirmed claims that waterboarding quickly unloosed the tongues of hard-core terrorists, [but now] says he didn’t know what he was talking about”?
The announced closing of Guantanamo has also suffered from a peculiar Obama-style naivete. It is now apparent that there are some bad people there who should be detained way past the time they are eligible for AARP membership.
There were also a lot of innocent people held there for years, but to be fair, Bush and Cheney did release a lot of the bad ones, no doubt in some idealistic attempt to restore balance to the Force.
It’s true that the world does not like Guantanamo, but then it’s also true that the world is not an al-Qaeda target.
“Dear Pakistan, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Kenya, Tanzania, Tunisia, Morocco, Iraq, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Turkey and the United Kingdom: You can’t be in our club anymore. Signed, The World.”
KSM, Abdulmutallab and other accused terrorists should be tried.
But not by a real court, that’s too fancy. They should be tried by Judge Judy, or the Queen of Hearts, or maybe that ecclesiastical junta who taught Gallileo the meaning of justice.
But these two are not Americans, and they are accused of terrorism
And as we all learned from Schoolhouse Rock, there’s a little asterisk at the bottom of the Constitution that reads: “Offer void in Utah and in case of accusations of terrorism.”
But just so I’m clear on all this, Richard… You’d be fine trying, say, Jose Padilla in a civilian court, and respecting his constitutional liberties, including the right against self-incrimination? After how long? Could we waterboard him for a few years, and then read him the Miranda warning? Maybe we could institute a sort of probationary system, like when you get a new job and your benefits don’t kick in for 90 days. Americans who were suspected of terrorism would begin at the Assistant Citizen level — not quite Americans, but not exactly foreigners — sort of semi-Canadians, like Maher Arar. Then, after all the useful intelligence and/or trauma-induced hallucinations had been tortured out of you (not by us; we’d outsource that to the Syrians or Egyptians or folks like that, in deference to your almost-rights), you could be brought back to the U.S. to rot in a stockade for a few years while we try to figure out how to present all this tainted evidence without some judge getting up on his magisterial high horse.
A military tribunal would fit them fine. If it is good enough for your average GI accused of murder or some such thing
It’s rare you see someone punctuate the word “murder” with a yawn. Outside of Arkham Asylum, anyway.
No doubt George Bush soiled America’s image abroad with what looked liked vigilante justice and Dick Cheney’s hearty endorsement of ugly interrogation measures.
You know, I was beginning to think you had all the empathy of a spider wasp, but I take it back now that you’ve condemned torture because it looks bad.
But more is at stake here than America’s image abroad — namely the security and peace of mind of Americans in America.
Because as Benjamin Franklin once so memorably remarked, “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, are all right with me!”
Bush stands condemned by the facts for Sept. 11 — his watch, his responsibility — and in all likelihood he bent over backward to ensure that nothing like those attacks would happen again.
Well, he didn’t personally bend over backward, but certain guests of his Administration were put in some very creative positions. But again, this isn’t “torture,” it’s more like sentencing a criminal to perform community service with Cirque du Soleil.
The Obama administration, on the other hand, seems to have bent over backward to prove to the world it is not the Bush administration and will, almost no matter what, ensure that everyone gets the benefit of American civil liberties. But the paramount civil liberty is a sense of security and this, sad to say, has eroded under Barack Obama.
Yeah, here’s the thing, Richard. Just like you can’t teach to the slowest learner in your class without seriously short-changing the other students, the government can’t keep pruning the Bill of Rights in order to reassure the most tremulous bedwetters amongst us, because while there’s no ceiling to their panic attacks and night terrors, there’s definitely a floor beneath which the Constitution no longer functions.
I don’t want Khalid Sheik Mohammed or Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab to face trial because I’m a fan of Law and Order, but because there’s no such thing as “security” if the government doesn’t feel constrained by the law. If the Justice Department and the FBI don’t feel obliged to follow the rules in high profile cases, what makes you think they’ll be any more scrupulous when they come to your house after the librarian tips them off to your subversive reading habits? Well, not you, of course; you’re immune to police misconduct because you’re white and you know Sally Quinn. But if we all squeal Havoc! and let loose the dogs of law enforcement, then sooner or later, a lot of innocent who don’t have the benefit of a Washington Post column will get scooped up and abused by a system that values enforcement over the law.
Repeatedly, the administration has shown poor judgment. Abdulmutallab’s silence is a scream that something is wrong.
If you’re in charge of anti-terrorism, the screams of your suspects should be audible, because how else will Americans know you’re keeping us safe?
Scott, I know Riley will fight this tooth-and-nail, but you guys have got to get together and write a book. Intelligent Ridicule is our last, best weapon.
Left by Kordo on February 2nd, 2010