Sure, you and I think of Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh as “conservative entertainers,” or “right-wing propagandists,” or “really bad people who say incredibly stupid, vile things.” But it seems that George Bush and Dick Cheney think the two blowhards are credible journalists, and gave them both interviews this week.
Here’s a bit from the second part of Bill O’Reilly’s Exclusive Interview with President Bush:
O’REILLY: Is water boarding torture?
BUSH: I don’t want to talk about techniques. [...]
O’REILLY: But if the public doesn’t know what torture is or is not, as defined by the Bush administration, how can the public make a decision on whether your policy is right or wrong?
BUSH: Well, one thing is that you can rest assured we’re not going to talk about the techniques we use in a public forum. No matter how hard you try because I don’t want the enemy to be able to adjust their tactics if we capture them on the battlefield.
But what the American people need to know is we’ve got a program in place that is able to get intelligence from these people. And we’ve used it to stop attacks.
Translation: “You can’t make me talk about the torture, Bill, no matter now hard you try! Anyway, all the damned American people need to know is that we’re ‘questioning’ bad guys to keep them safe!”
But now, on to the President’s new “Freedom From Constitutional Rights” program:
BUSH: The Supreme Court ruled that the president didn’t have the authority to set up these courts on his own, that he needed to work with Congress to do so. And we did.
Anyway, what’s interesting about these votes that took place in the Congress is the number of Democrats that opposed questioning people we’ve picked up on the battlefield. And I think that’s an issue that they’re going to have to explain to the American people.
Yeah, if you’re opposed to torture, or against the suspension of habeas corpus, then you’re against questioning terrorists. YOU would probably take Osama to Disneyland instead of asking him about his various plots, and the American people should question your patriotism, you damned Democrat!
Not that the President would ever question anyone’s patriotism, you understand.
O’REILLY: Do you think Hillary Clinton is soft on terrorism?
BUSH: I think — first of all it’s very important for me never to, you know, question anybody’s patriotism.
This next part of Bush’s answer is kind of boring, so allow me to paraphrase the President’s comments:
But we’re at WAR, a real war against evil bad guys. That’s why I authorized intercepting the phone calls of Al Qaeda villains who are, even as we speak, using their Sprint “Friends and Plotters” minutes to discuss their plans to murder you in your sleep. And that’s also why I believe we should ask captured terrorists about their plan to nuke your daughter’s elementary school, even if said questioning might involve a little so-called “torture. However, Hillary thinks it’s more important to be “legal” than to prevent your fiery, agonizing death. And she says there is no war, just like she claims that there was no moon landing.
End Paraphrase
I strongly disagree. And so does Usama bin Laden, and Mr. Zawahiri, sworn enemies of the United States, who would like to attack us again. And that’s the fundamental difference of attitude. I’m never going to question anybody’s patriotism.
But I am going to say there’s different point of view here in Washington, D.C. And the American people get — they got a choice to make coming this November. And I believe the choice is stark and clear.
Translation: “The people can either vote Republican, and continue the fight against evil, or they can vote Democratic, and pave the way for an Islamofascist conquest of United States, leading to the end of life as we know it. But hey, American People, it’s your choice! Don’t let me tell you how to vote.”
Tomorrow, Bill asks the President why people keep saying mean things about Bill, and wonders why these smearers haven’t yet been sent to Gitmo.
Or, as Bill puts it:
O’REILLY: Now tomorrow, we’ll talk with President Bush about the personal attacks leveled against him and the fact that many people think he’s a religious fanatic.
I wonder if Bill will ask Mr. Bush if he calls himself a nut behind his back, and if he tries to manipulate himself by using religion.
But anyway, over to the Rush/Dick Show.
Basically, Rush and Dick Cheney congratulated each other on how well the economy now works for rich people; hinted that the terrorists are plotting to destroy big chunks of Iraq before the election, just to get you to vote for Democratic candidates; and then chatted about how, despite what those jerks in the media and their stupid polls may tell you, the Republican Party will triumph yet again this November, because REAL Americans think the GOP is doing a great job.
THE VICE PRESIDENT: I think it’s easy to sit in Washington and sort of absorb the vibes coming from the national media, but that doesn’t represent necessarily what’s going on out there around the country. When you get out on the ground talking with real people about real problems, their hopes and desires for their families and for the nation, as well as their appreciation for what we’ve been able to accomplish over the last six years, you get a very positive feeling.
I just want to know when Cheney has ever been out on the ground talking to real people about ANYTHING. (Dick, those people they arrange for you to speak with at those canned town meetings are kinda like those quail you shoot at those canned hunts. And the positive feelings you get from both events are equally based on self-deception, you putz.)
P.S. Now, here’s a little contest for you: caption this Fox News Photo, and you could win valuable imaginary prizes!
UPDATE: The link to the photo isn’t working, but it’s the pic from the transcript of Bill’s interview with the Prez, showing the two of them chatting before a fireplace. (You can click on the photo to make it larger.) I just thought that it would be interesting to know what you think the two of them are REALLY talking about in that scene.