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Archive for October 19th, 2006

Remember, They’re Doing This on Your Dime

Posted by s.z. on October 19th, 2006

Sure, you and I think of Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh as “conservative entertainers,” or “right-wing propagandists,” or “really bad people who say incredibly stupid, vile things.” But it seems that George Bush and Dick Cheney think the two blowhards are credible journalists, and gave them both interviews this week.

Here’s a bit from the second part of Bill O’Reilly’s Exclusive Interview with President Bush:

O’REILLY: Is water boarding torture?

BUSH: I don’t want to talk about techniques. [...]

O’REILLY: But if the public doesn’t know what torture is or is not, as defined by the Bush administration, how can the public make a decision on whether your policy is right or wrong?

BUSH: Well, one thing is that you can rest assured we’re not going to talk about the techniques we use in a public forum. No matter how hard you try because I don’t want the enemy to be able to adjust their tactics if we capture them on the battlefield.

But what the American people need to know is we’ve got a program in place that is able to get intelligence from these people. And we’ve used it to stop attacks.

Translation: “You can’t make me talk about the torture, Bill, no matter now hard you try!  Anyway, all the damned American people need to know is that we’re ‘questioning’ bad guys to keep them safe!”

But now, on to the President’s new “Freedom From Constitutional Rights” program:

BUSH: The Supreme Court ruled that the president didn’t have the authority to set up these courts on his own, that he needed to work with Congress to do so. And we did.

Anyway, what’s interesting about these votes that took place in the Congress is the number of Democrats that opposed questioning people we’ve picked up on the battlefield. And I think that’s an issue that they’re going to have to explain to the American people.

Yeah, if you’re opposed to torture, or against the suspension of habeas corpus, then you’re against questioning terrorists.  YOU would probably take Osama to Disneyland instead of asking him about his various plots, and the American people should question your patriotism, you damned Democrat!

Not that the President would ever question anyone’s patriotism, you understand.

O’REILLY: Do you think Hillary Clinton is soft on terrorism?

BUSH: I think — first of all it’s very important for me never to, you know, question anybody’s patriotism.

This next part of Bush’s answer is kind of boring, so allow me to paraphrase the President’s comments:

But we’re at WAR, a real war against evil bad guys. That’s why I authorized intercepting the phone calls of Al Qaeda villains who are, even as we speak, using their Sprint “Friends and Plotters” minutes to discuss their plans to murder you in your sleep. And that’s also why I believe we should ask captured terrorists about their plan to nuke your daughter’s elementary school, even if said questioning might involve a little so-called “torture. However, Hillary thinks it’s more important to be “legal” than to prevent your fiery, agonizing death. And she says there is no war, just like she claims that there was no moon landing.

End Paraphrase

I strongly disagree. And so does Usama bin Laden, and Mr. Zawahiri, sworn enemies of the United States, who would like to attack us again. And that’s the fundamental difference of attitude. I’m never going to question anybody’s patriotism.

But I am going to say there’s different point of view here in Washington, D.C. And the American people get — they got a choice to make coming this November. And I believe the choice is stark and clear.

Translation: “The people can either vote Republican, and continue the fight against evil, or they can vote Democratic, and pave the way for an Islamofascist conquest of United States, leading to the end of life as we know it. But hey, American People, it’s your choice! Don’t let me tell you how to vote.”

Tomorrow, Bill asks the President why people keep saying mean things about Bill, and wonders why these smearers haven’t yet been sent to Gitmo. 

Or, as Bill puts it:

O’REILLY: Now tomorrow, we’ll talk with President Bush about the personal attacks leveled against him and the fact that many people think he’s a religious fanatic. 

I wonder if Bill will ask Mr. Bush if he calls himself a nut behind his back, and if he tries to manipulate himself by using religion.

But anyway, over to the Rush/Dick Show.

Basically, Rush and Dick Cheney congratulated each other on how well the economy now works for rich people; hinted that the terrorists are plotting to destroy big chunks of Iraq before the election, just to get you to vote for Democratic candidates; and then chatted about how, despite what those jerks in the media and their stupid polls may tell you, the Republican Party will triumph yet again this November, because REAL Americans think the GOP is doing a great job.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: I think it’s easy to sit in Washington and sort of absorb the vibes coming from the national media, but that doesn’t represent necessarily what’s going on out there around the country. When you get out on the ground talking with real people about real problems, their hopes and desires for their families and for the nation, as well as their appreciation for what we’ve been able to accomplish over the last six years, you get a very positive feeling.

I just want to know when Cheney has ever been out on the ground talking to real people about ANYTHING. (Dick, those people they arrange for you to speak with at those canned town meetings are kinda like those quail you shoot at those canned hunts. And the positive feelings you get from both events are equally based on self-deception, you putz.)

P.S.  Now, here’s a little contest for you: caption this Fox News Photo, and you could win valuable imaginary prizes!

UPDATE:  The link to the photo isn’t working, but it’s the pic from the transcript of Bill’s interview with the Prez, showing the two of them chatting before a fireplace.  (You can click on the photo to make it larger.)  I just thought that it would be interesting to know what you think the two of them are REALLY talking about in that scene.

Dr. Mike is Like a Storm Raging Within

Posted by s.z. on October 19th, 2006

TorgoKitty is still sick. He keeps fooling me by looking like he’s all better (which he demonstrates by attacking my foot, climbing up my leg, and then demanding food), but then he has another bout of bad diarrhea, resulting in the need to both bathe him and to move to a new, unsoiled house.

Today I did all the home remedies, and fed him only chicken baby food, and although we haven’t had any incidents since this morning, he just doesn’t seem to be his usual evil self. So, tomorrow it’s back to the vet (he was just there a couple of weeks ago for his last kitten shots).

So, that said, let’s pay a short visit our old friend Dr. Professor Mike Adams, Ph.D., who tells us that he is Preparing for Pelosi by buying more guns. (Not to shoot her, you silly goose, but because he fears that a Democrat-controlled Congress will ban products made by Springfield Armory, and he needs to stock up on their find products so he can kill hitchhikers without any help from the federal government.)

(This column was paid for by the Springfield Armory, which wishes to remind you that guns are the only friends that money can buy.)

Anyway, I liked this bit from Dr. Mike’s little infomercial:

First and foremost, I plan to stock up on 13-round magazines for my main home and car defense weapon – the .45 ACP XD by Springfield. These magazines will be almost as rare as a feminist orgasm if the Democrats take over.

If Dr. Mike knows as much about guns as he does about female orgasms, including feminist orgasms, I believe I’d think twice about purchasing whatever ammo he is pushing.

But this was my favorite part:

Before the recent poll numbers indicating a possible change in leadership – in both the House and Senate – I was focusing strictly on gun purchases designed to improve my versatility as a hunter. Since people often call from around the country to invite me hunting I always have to be prepared to take anything from the smallest squirrel to the largest grizzly bear. Now, I’m thinking a lot more about tactical and self-defense models.

I have a hard time believing that people from all around the country frequently call Dr. Mike and invite him to go shooting grizzly bears with them. Sure, there was that time when Doug Giles did invite him to go shoot some deer at the petting zoo, and maybe one of his other friends let him help as the friend shot an itty bitty squirrel that was menacing the neighborhood — but until I see some proof, I’m going to have to believe that these invitations to go grizzly bear hunting are about as real as Dr. Mike’s correspondents, his real-life adventures, and his devastating ripostes to the liberal hippies he is always encountering.

But maybe that’s just me.